So Pat has about a hundred email addresses or so. Yes I know, the cat thinks it's nuts too. But lets pretend it was not heard by me or you. The cat logged into one, saw the build up of junk and figured I would have some fun. So if you can't guess the facts of this, you could be a tad slow or full of bliss. As you have no junk at all, what an email you have at your stall.
Buy Viagra now
It will surely make you meow
Along with max-gentleman enlargement pills
Did you know they contain rat shit, such thrills
This only happens once a year
Except tomorrow I get the same cheer
See how much you can save
We are surely all the rave
Say goodbye to bad hair days
And we'll even help with those greys
Newest laptops on sale
Our definition of new tends to fail
Cash advance loan
Forget that the interest will make you groan
Latin singles you'll want to meet
Even if they are a thousand miles from your feet
Herbs for dogs
Umm what next? Hogs?
What's hot
Clearly your not
$100,000 a year right now
Right! And I'm not a cat but a cow
Do you want to kill children
Stupid title made up by videogame men
Give yourself a break
Yeah read our crap that's fake
Dead relative left you dough
Turns out the relative was actually a crow
Real cash for free
If you pay a monthly fee
You won it
Yet here I still sit
We're giving you $1000 in free spins
But no matter who wins
You have to put money in to get money out
Plus fifty other rules we conveniently forgot to shout
Hook up tonight
And fight a disease the next night
Stay calm
This is sure to bomb
Compare forklift prices and save
Because everyone needs to dig a grave
Need your roof replaced
We'll do it with some silly paste
Much more for much less
It's shitty though we won't confess
Start dating today
The scary Internet way
Make $5,000 today
Maybe in some scammy way
Affordable dental plan
I know you're a fan
Credit car offer
With enough fees to fill a coffer
Stop stressing - start living
With this wonderful thing we're giving
Why work for peanuts
Yeah join us, be nuts
Earn a degree while you work
But you might have to lurk
Your dream vacation is finally here
Wait! In my head did you peer?
Football is back
No rock to live under at my shack
Making money from home
Might shrink your retirement dome
You are being searched for
By scary people and many more
King Abubu wants to send you some dough
His cash flow never seems to run low
Lock in your spot
Even though there is a lot
You've been personally invited
By some guy you never even sighted
Don't take it personally
We are just doing you a courtesy
Name brand tires
Why not name brand wires
Someone sent you a message
Guess that means I am a presage
As I know it is junk
Like all the other gunk
That goes plunk
Into the abyss with a slam dunk
I know I really sunk to a new low with my latest dVerse show. Delving into all the trash. Who is in charge of taking out the garbage at this bash? Maybe if you emptied them more, this would never have shown up on my floor. Brian, did you not allocate this task? Or was it Claudia too busy drinking from her flask? Okay I am through taking my junk pass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.
Buy Viagra now
It will surely make you meow
Along with max-gentleman enlargement pills
Did you know they contain rat shit, such thrills
This only happens once a year
Except tomorrow I get the same cheer
See how much you can save
We are surely all the rave
Say goodbye to bad hair days
And we'll even help with those greys
Newest laptops on sale
Our definition of new tends to fail
Cash advance loan
Forget that the interest will make you groan
Latin singles you'll want to meet
Even if they are a thousand miles from your feet
Herbs for dogs
Umm what next? Hogs?
What's hot
Clearly your not
$100,000 a year right now
Right! And I'm not a cat but a cow
Do you want to kill children
Stupid title made up by videogame men
Give yourself a break
Yeah read our crap that's fake
Dead relative left you dough
Turns out the relative was actually a crow
Real cash for free
If you pay a monthly fee
You won it
Yet here I still sit
We're giving you $1000 in free spins
But no matter who wins
You have to put money in to get money out
Plus fifty other rules we conveniently forgot to shout
Hook up tonight
And fight a disease the next night
Stay calm
This is sure to bomb
Compare forklift prices and save
Because everyone needs to dig a grave
Need your roof replaced
We'll do it with some silly paste
Much more for much less
It's shitty though we won't confess
Start dating today
The scary Internet way
Make $5,000 today
Maybe in some scammy way
Affordable dental plan
I know you're a fan
Credit car offer
With enough fees to fill a coffer
Stop stressing - start living
With this wonderful thing we're giving
Why work for peanuts
Yeah join us, be nuts
Earn a degree while you work
But you might have to lurk
Your dream vacation is finally here
Wait! In my head did you peer?
Football is back
No rock to live under at my shack
Making money from home
Might shrink your retirement dome
You are being searched for
By scary people and many more
King Abubu wants to send you some dough
His cash flow never seems to run low
Lock in your spot
Even though there is a lot
You've been personally invited
By some guy you never even sighted
Don't take it personally
We are just doing you a courtesy
Name brand tires
Why not name brand wires
Someone sent you a message
Guess that means I am a presage
As I know it is junk
Like all the other gunk
That goes plunk
Into the abyss with a slam dunk
I know I really sunk to a new low with my latest dVerse show. Delving into all the trash. Who is in charge of taking out the garbage at this bash? Maybe if you emptied them more, this would never have shown up on my floor. Brian, did you not allocate this task? Or was it Claudia too busy drinking from her flask? Okay I am through taking my junk pass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.
hook up tongiht fight a disease the next night, ha got that right, and not even the enlargo pills will kill those ills, burns worse than realising you great aunt is not name shakinah living in equador with money to send happy americans, but a fat man in brooklyn running scams, oh dang man let me get that trash can seems to have over flown all over your verse, but better or worse, i say you spin better of course, peace out brother cat, you the bush where it at....
ReplyDeletedo you see that,
ReplyDeletemust have caught the other taking a nap
been a while since i'z first up to bat...
haha...have you been looking in my box of spam?
ReplyDeleteit can be a little jammed
with a bunch of whim wham
makes you want to give the door a slam.
Hitting delete
is kind of neat
not giving in to their treats!
The one I get the most
is the pleading letter from the host
saying they are stuck at the airport
and someone stole their passport
along with their wallet or purse
and they are about to cry and curse
So please wire them lots of money
and they will be grateful and call you honey.
lol...
aw, Bri stole first from me
ReplyDeleteguess I went on too long, so I'll let it be.
lol...
you got junk, I got nothing. but really, if it is gmail, there is no junk, zip, zero, nil. hey, I got some rhyme!
ReplyDeleteYeah been a while since you beat your twin to the punch
ReplyDeleteGuess she was typing and eating lunch
I'll avoid those ills
They aren't worth any length of thrills
That fat man
Can get shoved in a garbage can
Stinking scammy people ruin it for all
I hope they take a great big humpty dumpty fall
Good catch
They were taking a nap or playing fetch
Either way you got first
With your delightful burst
Yes it does get rather jammed
And crammed
Up the ying yang
With all kinds of bull people hang
Yes delete is fun
Ignoring the crap they spun
Oh I got that one too
Sure the fat man in Brooklyn hopes to trick you
Seen a couple of scammy whammy nuts in my day
Oh the lines they try to use to get you to play..haha
haha let him have his day
Soon I'm sure you'll be first my way
You rhymed, wasn't that fun
See I knew it could be done
So Google gives you nil you say
I think I have one of those I never checked in tons of days
who knew there such a load of trash
ReplyDeletein my inbox email, that i get a rash
deleting them. no i never believe cash
though free, is real. its all hog-wash~
see you later ~
Hog wash indeed
ReplyDeleteNo matter how they plead
Just some dirty ****
Looking for a quick buck
Wow, we must share a similar inbox, or at least on similar mailing lists- nice corral here, definitely a case of using the clutter to not let you sputter, turning the muck around and making them less suck. By the way, side note, while I love twitter, I've noticed a 1000x influx of spam mail, not sure if there's a connection but I do believe so, so just explain that to the cat, and he'll understand why you've so many email addresses, wish I would have known that before the tweet, now between that and google's ignores, i guess I'm beat- lol.. Great D'verse write, for today's Open Link Night
ReplyDeleteMy favorite one lately tells me
ReplyDeletethat my best career change would be
to start over in social work.
Uhm, I already tried that and went broke, jerk! :)
Fun rhyme. Really liked this one. :)
Oh yes twitter does send a ton your way
ReplyDeleteAnd if you unclick the crap that sends stuff to your bay
They make your account not show
When a new message you want to flow
Yeah my main one gets less crap
Thanks to the ton of extra emails filling the junk gap
And you rhymed the whole way through
hahaha look at you
hahaha went broke
Yet some dumb bloke
Won't give up
Maybe it was just a hiccup..haha
"Start dating today
ReplyDeleteThe scary Internet way"
That's freaking hilarious!
hahaha prob not if your the scaree
ReplyDeleteCould be rather hairy
Damn that's a whole different kettle of fish
I'll stop before I ruin someones internet wish
Well in the old days we got lots of it in paper, at least that we've saved.
ReplyDeleteExcellent write as always, Pat.
I am sooooo sick of junk mail. No, I don't want to click here to see how much you want ME to pay you!
ReplyDeleteTouch my junk... you can have it all, with pleasure, or Viagra whatever!!! LOLOL
Nice one!
Ain't it the truth. Scary to think there are obviously people who fall for that stuff ... scarier to realize they may also be voters!!!
ReplyDeleteGood way to look at it
ReplyDeleteIf it was all in paper I'd have a fit
Nah I have enough junk
And the rumor I'll debunk
No need for Viagra here
Everything still works and is in the right gear..haha
haha true thinking of them as voters would be scary indeed
Or maybe they want to make the news feed
And get some seconds of fame
Saying they falled for some scammy game
All you have is junk huh? Well, it's certainly a common state of things these days...bloody spammers!
ReplyDeleteQuite irritating. Thankfully most ends in my spam box, which I periodically look at to make sure there is nothing good. Free money. Jobs. Viagara. Trips. Real Estate. Your poem said so much so well. Thanks, Pat!
ReplyDeletehaha it's not all I have in my crap
ReplyDeleteI just ignore the good stuff and went on the junk lap
And bloody spammers indeed
Hope the bloody bleed...haha
Yeah most goes there too
But as with you I look through
For you never know if something is good
And be in your inbox it should
Glad it said it well
Even if the junk does make one go what the hell
Pat...I laugh
ReplyDeleteand laugh some more
Much needed reprieve
On my overworked floor
My inbox stays clean
Free of obscene
For I tend to blush
If I receive too much
These sweet virgin ears
Have nothing to fear
But if I miss a note
It's in my junk mail tote!
Between you and me
And this commenting spree
I've been a very, very busy bee
So excuse my lateness
For your rhyming greatness
As I work to sell
My god, it's been hell!
But it is what it is
And I'm at where I'm at
And that my dear cat
is a just Face it Fact!
I really liked this one, Pat! I think you about covered it all, sharp social commentary....Enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteLady Nyo
hahaha virgin ears you say
ReplyDeleteThat just makes my day
I guess they can fake it
And pretend not to hear a cursing fit..haha
Hey no problem with being late
To my ever rhyming gate
Sure work can be a pain in the butt
And a kick to the gut
Yep it is what it is and more
SSDD also here at my shore
And that Face it Fact is easy to see
Hopefully you lose a "very" in your status as a busy bee..haha
Oh I'm sharp today
With the rhymes I lay
That is so nice
I read it twice..haha
Glad it was enjoyed by you
As my junk flew
Wow! Well, holy mackerel, good thing you qualified that "kill the chilren" question, or I'd swear if we typed this backward it might read 'Paul is dead.' You are very entertaining. Thanks for the humorous read. =)
ReplyDeletehahahahaah..... PAT! Absolutely true and genius! I think that every high school kid should be given this poetic instruction before we release them into the real world so that they can beware of the endless CRAP that is out here.... good job! I get so tired of people hawking crap and baloney and King Abubu made me fall out of my chair! Very funny....
ReplyDeleteYeah I figured I better say something abotu the kill the children thing
ReplyDeleteAs that was obviously a marketing ploy to get one to read what they bring
haha reading it backwards would be fun
Although pills might have to be popped by the ton
Endless crap is quite correct
If they knew this they might not stand so cocky and erect
haha yes King Abubu has that affect of people it seems
Whether funny to some or bringing misery to others who fell for his schemes.
What, no "You can have a bigger penis now" or "breast enhancement" or "miracle bra" blandishments, bro?!?
ReplyDeleteAnd they promised us that spam would become a thing of the past by now! Too may 90-day profits in it, I guess. But wait -- there's MORE! LOL
hahaha the viagra and mens enlargement thing was enough
ReplyDeleteAs there are like 50 different ways they promote that stuff
I couldn't bear to go through all of that
It could just blind the cat..haha
More empty promises I guess
As spam is still quite the mess
Yes there is always MORE
And other stuff GALORE..haha
Why work for peanuts
ReplyDeleteYeah join us, be nuts
laughed and laughed...
hear me, sir
you are causing a stir
my mind used to be clear
now it is full of rhyming fear
ha, love how you spin junk into poetry, as always, smiles...
ReplyDeletehahaha my rhymes are cast
ReplyDeleteAnd in your mind they run so vast
Don't worry it hopefully won't last
But I can't say they'll go away fast..haha
Yes can take junk
And give it some rhyming funk
Pretty awesome rhyming,
ReplyDeletebut I can't beat your timing
Now I have the poet's virus and
it might be here to stay.
Real cash for free
ReplyDeleteIf you pay a monthly fee...
Isn't that the truth? Those spammers-- uncouth.
social network, email junk boxes and dating the internet way this is all way too funny this is great and a really humorous way to look at this thanks for sharing
ReplyDeletehttp://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/13/a-new-life-begins/
haha I gave you a virus you say
ReplyDeleteOops sorry for the dismay
And glad my rhyming
Had such nice chiming...haha
Yep exactly the truth
Whether from Frank or Ruth
Still full of crap
And then some on their scammy lap
Yeah I tend to look at things in a rather different way
Here as I rhyme and play
Except internet dating is just scary altogether
So that is something I don't want to weather..haha
Thank you for the full throttle laughs tonight, I desperately needed them. Several laugh out loud verses in this one.
ReplyDeletehey Mr pat hatt with a jolly ol cat
ReplyDeletecoming to you is loadsa laughter and funny chitchat
felt too lazy to pen anything this week
and settled for a dverse reading spree quick
thought to begin with you and some rhyming
and even before I could read I start grinning
it's so much like my spam box
for me, it's mostly million dollar win and anti aging pill talks
internet dating and all other endless crap
whatever it is, thanks for making me smile in a snap!
LOL! This is what happens when you read your SPAM. :)
ReplyDeleteHehe..Interesting!! Never though spam could make muse.. Its a such a pain to see our inbox filled with mess everyday.. cool theme.
ReplyDeleteHave you been reading my email? What a wonderful rhyming riot! Thanks for the smiles. :D
ReplyDeletehaha glad I gave you a laugh or two
ReplyDeleteEspecailly if they were needed by you
Wow you gave quite the spiel
Keeping it very real
Too lazy you say
I guess you saved it up when you came my way
Yes I think many can relate
As they open their spam box gate
I only read the titles of it
Then delete it with a little bit of a fit
Oh my muse can strike up a cord with most things
I just let it go and see what it brings
No I don't email stalk
One junk walk
Is quite enough
More would get rough..haha
Hey! Your followers hit over one hundred!
ReplyDeleteSome are even wearing red.
Guess they couldn't resist what they read
couldn't get it out of their head
to turn away would cause them dread
maybe even give them bedhead
guess they all loved the rhymes you do
I'm sure each one is dear to you.
lol
I feel your pain, Pat, with the junk. Keep it coming!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! art out of all that junk, digging up and out through the funk, great fun as always!
ReplyDeleteYes now at 104
ReplyDeleteThey just keep coming at my shore
Not sure being unable to resist me is good
As a pill popper they could
Soon become
Thanks to my little rhyming bum..haha
Yes such a pain
Makes one pop a vein
And oh it will keep on coming
With the rhymes I'm strumming
Yep the junk can be good for one thing at least
Giving me a rhyming feast..haha
I find so much enjoyment when reading your words, this no exception. The creativity in the comments to follow are a real testament to how your words inspire. Enjoy you always ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteYep the comments are rather creative too
ReplyDeleteWhich are so fun to view
Glad you can enjoy the cat
Forget about Pat..haha
I think it's messed up that the email account I created just for "secure" servers to make purchases from major companies is the one that gets all the spam -Not the one I display on my blog, not the one I use to contact editors and friends.
ReplyDeletehahaha that is messed up for sure
ReplyDeleteI guess they need to look up the definition of secure
But those so called major companies sell your inof anyway
That's prob why you have spam coming your way
You DID have a lot of e-mail to sort through. At least you had some fun doing it. :)
ReplyDeletepoetrypastiche.blogspot.com
Lately, I'm getting more junk than ever
ReplyDeleteand really I don't click on links. Never.
But I suppose they just don't care.
As long as enough buyers don't beware.
(I thought I would try another rhyme.
Perhaps I'll give it more umph next time.)
:)
haha I just glanced through it
ReplyDeleteThen hit delete after my rhyming fit
Yeah I guess when you send out millions a week
Someone who's not a geek
Will fall for it once or twice
They just roll the dice
Nothing wrong with your rhyme at all
Thanks for giving the cat a call
I am a Nigerian prince.
ReplyDeleteMy offer will not make you wince.
It isn't so hard,
just give me your card
And you will never see me since.
hahaha yeah and I'll go broke
ReplyDeleteThanks to some scammy bloke
Already had my card stolen once
But some dirty rotten dunce..haha