Thoughts To Ponder From The Great Beyonder!

So this weird looking guy appeared all hologram like and I told him to take a hike. But he just kept staring, as I continued swearing. He then stated he was the Beyonder here through some type of transponder. He was doing research and had questions for me. So essentially he was some over glorified telemarketer, yippee!

He said he wanted the facts on the questions he presented. The dick stole my line, like it he had created or invented. I could not do much of course, since this bad looking Odin rip off of a hologram stood all Norse. Every time I gave him a whack, I just hit the floor of my shack. Stupid line stealing prick. There had to be some button to flick, getting rid of this clown, as he finally headed to question town.

"Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?"

How should I know? Does it look like I eat dough?

"Are eyebrows considered facial hair?"

My face is all hair, so what do I care.

"Can a short person talk down to a taller person?"

I believe they can with much sass. Now go back to your Star Wars convention and become one of those things that are all ass.

"Can you yawn in your sleep?"
"Is it still a day dream if it's night?"

You sure are boring, I'll let you know after I stop snoring.

"How come cats butts go up when you pet them?"

Because they either want to slap you or make you scratch their behind, it's true.

"Why do you say heads up, when you really mean duck?"

Because I hope you get run over by a truck and your questions suck.

"Do bald people get dandruff?"

Ask that Drazin guy, although beware he may lie.

"Can you still shove it where the sun don't shine, if it's sunny and you're on a nude beach?"

Why don't you go try. Oh wait! That's a horrible image, but if you do I hope certain parts fry.

"Why do you press the start button to turn off the computer?"

I guess it's too complicated to make a turn off switch or it could have been a glitch.

"Where do people in hell tell other people to go?"

I'll tell you to piss up a rope, afterwards clean with some soap.

"When caught between a rock and a hard place, is the rock not hard?"

Let's test that theory. I'll biff a few rocks and you can tell me if you're still cheery.

"If pro and con are considered opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?"

Hmmm that one is rather good, use that I should.

"If something is new and improved, how can it be improved if it's new?"

That is also true, buy something like that and then sue. False advertising it could be, might get a hefty fee.

"How fast do hotcakes sell?"

I don't know. But you have got to go.

With that I really gave a huff and a puff and the hologram Beyonder thing fizzled, looking kind of rough. So Cassie finally came around and we blew a lot of hot air where he was found. Then POOF! His question asking behind was gone and he did not respawn. Too many questions from his hologram mass. I have to go and rest my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. I wonder where this guy came from, and why his first impulse was to question a cat!

  2. Oceangirl sent me your way. I'm not going to rhyme since mine would be crime. I have seen a short person talk down to one taller. She was a short nun shaking down a tall teen.

  3. Loved the line about progress and congress
    It seems they're always in recess.
    If the guy comes back just send him to Flappy
    they'd love each other, being all yappy.
    Tell Pat I had dreams about his book
    now I'm off to take another look.

  4. Sooo witty. I love all of these hilarious one-liners.

    "Do bald people get dandruff?"--lol

  5. Yeah you would think this guy
    Who just poofed out of the sky
    Would want to question someone upon high
    Instead of giving the cat a try

    Came from the oceangirl way
    To stop for a stay
    No need to rhyme and play
    Can say what you want at my bay
    hahaha a nun talking down to a teen
    That would be a sight to be seen

    Yeah it seems they are always out to lunch
    The whole friggin bunch
    In more ways than one
    But that's a whole other kettle of fun
    True Flappy would like that
    Although the Beyonder guy might not like getting the same answer over and over and over again from that Flappy bat..haha
    Does Pat even want to know what they were?
    Especially if they were about her..haha

    hahaha yeah that question was good
    Answer it a bald person should
    No the cat who is full of hair
    That Beyonder guy has no flare..haha

  6. Pat,
    The questions invariably would turn personal
    Nary a thought but bring out your arsenal
    Beat him at his own game
    Make him flounder in shame
    And you would fare none the worst afterall


  7. At least I know some of the answers now if he ever turns up at my doorstep.

  8. haha "Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?"...this cracked me up..your questions reminded me of my kids when they were small....haha...they asked holes into my belly...

  9. Yes that they could
    And he'd get hit with wood
    But never fear
    As the cat would win the cheer
    And his hit would be nothing but a small grounder
    As I watch the mook flounder

    There you go
    I gave you answers at my show
    Guess all that fresh air works wouldn't you say
    I'll remember that remark always at my bay...hahaha

    hahaha holes into my belly that is a good one
    Could be used for future fun
    I guess today my mind reverted to child like stuff
    As I gave my huff and puff
    Oh wait! Doesn's that always occur
    Hmmmm don't answer may ruffle my fur..haha

  10. nice...i remember the Beyonder from 1990s comic books...i imagine space aliens might have the same questions of us, maybe next time they stop by my place i will send them your way...

  11. Awesome, as always. I'm tweeting your link for others to enjoy! :-)

  12. Oh, no really- Brian just made me have to go and look this up- I thought you were inspired by Peter's image in Walter's television last night- If this beyonder guy is from a comic book- I will have to check it out, as it sounds pretty cool, a hologram inquisitor from outer space- neat. Inane questions are what they are- you handled this brilliantly I do say, but with sass and laughs as each were tossed your way. The retorts are hall-of-fame in the sarcastic sport and love especially the one about the bald-cat full of hair- priceless. Glad you got him to go though, otherwise I fear you'd be cleaning holographic blood out from beneath Orlin's claws- and if you ever had to give a cat a bath- don't- dumb Fred, with his first cat Misfit, did, and has the scars on arms to remind him that cats don't like baths. But as always I'm surprised the inquisitor that did not ask. Fun write

  13. Yeah there would be many questions indeed
    Although those aliens must take heed
    If they have a probe or something
    Tell them nothing
    I don't want them at bush number three
    Sticking that thing near me
    Yes you are correct too
    I sorta modeled it after the secret wars guy, it's true
    You beat Grammar Nazi on some comic stuff
    That might leave him in a huff..haha

    Thanks for the tweet
    And for taking a seat
    Did you beat the heat
    Wasn't that neat

    haha yes Brian was right
    First time for everything here tonight..haha
    That's where I mocked him from
    As he came to bother my little rhyming bum
    Fringe I couldn't have at all
    Because I wait for the dvd set to fall
    Then I watch the whole thing through
    Cable and it's repeated commercials can bite me and turn blue
    Dvd;s are where I go
    Can watch it all at once and actually remember things grow
    Oh and yes bathing a cat is nooooo fun
    Scars I have at least one
    On one of our trips
    Orlin peed from the hips
    He and Cassie got all nasty in the cage
    Thanks to his inability to hold is rage
    Then I had to give the both of them a bath
    Cassie made me suffer her wrath
    Orlin didn't care at all
    In the water he seemed to be having a ball..haha

  14. Does a bald man get dandruff... LOL
    Where the heck do you get all this from...No... don't tell me. Hahaha
    You amaze me!

  15. haha I don't know if I could tell even if I tried
    My brain needs a tour guide..haha

  16. A fortune cookie expiration
    could really deflate your expectation
    maybe cause some perspiration
    and deflate your elation.
    I guess it would be some motivation
    to put the thing in acceleration
    but only if the fortune caused inspiration
    and not something of desperation.

  17. cats butts rise when they are petted becuz they are attempting to capitalize on their good fortune.
    hot cakes move, baby!

  18. *laugh* this guy must have been such a pain in the ass... ;)
    However, some of his questions were worth giving a second thought :P

  19. u gave some awesome thoughts to ponder Pat..
    as a matter of fact I pondered all of them :D

    Fundoo read !!!

  20. yes it could cause some real dismay
    Especially if it said you were going to die today
    That would just be no fun
    I'd have to watch for a bus or gun
    But then again it could say fortunes will rise
    Or something about a disguise
    Even though they are full of crap
    It's interesting once in a while to take the fortune cookie lap

    hahaha scary I can be
    Least it's a bit funny

    haha hot cakes just move
    Are they in some sort of groove
    I'd never buy one
    Others must buy a ton

    Yes he was such a pain in the butt
    The cat would rather deal with a mutt
    The questions were interesting though
    At least a couple he gave at my show

    So he got your to ponder
    Sure that will delight the great beyonder
    Hope you didn't think to much
    Wouldn't want you to lose touch

  21. so much to think about in this post
    have to dwell upon what hits me most
    fortune cookie fortunes are a joke
    they're merely messages to average folk
    and they mean nothing at all to me
    and I leave them on the table with glee.
    Pat, you are such fun.
    One of a kind, a shining sun.

  22. haha yes they are a joke
    I wonder if they every made anyone choke
    Don't go and constantly think
    You might hit the brink
    And the Beyonder might visit you
    He's a nut that asks questions on cue
    Glad I can be fun
    Whether rhyme, rant or pun

  23. do you have limericks posted in your blog, if you do, welcome sharing with our limerick prompt.

    Thanks for the attention.

  24. you are such a rhyming king,
    your words flow like music notes,

    full of rhythm.
    keep it up.

  25. My rhythm may sometimes not flow
    But my rhymes can glow
    Just so you know
    As sometimes my yap runs, like this one, and they just grow..haha


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