I'm Feeling A Little Off Today. You Want To Turn Me On You Say?

This just had to be done. I thought about it way back under the summer sun but it just sat on the back burner of my mind. But thanks to LMF's behind it came back. Now if you can't get the facts of this attack, get out from under your rock and get over the shock.

So mate I hear you are looking for a date. These work really really well. Your prospective catch will think you are sooo swell. So walk on up and do this, then you will be surrounded in bliss.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?
What! That only worked on a few?
Maybe my sight's going but you're the hottest guy/girl I've seen all night.
Just make sure you fake having bad sight.

Is your dad a baker? Because you have nice buns.
Just don't touch or you might get slapped tons.
You want me. I can smell it.
Don't over act the sniffing fit.

If you were a drug I'd overdose.
Make sure it's not a nasty drug, that be gross.
You dropped something...my jaw.
This one might end in a draw.

I thought of introducing you to my brother/sister but I'm not that generous.
Yeah we wouldn't want you to be traitorous.
Are you from Tennessee?...Because you are the only Ten I See.
Now ask them out for tea.

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
Unless of course they are a stripper.
You are like a glass of milk...you do they body good.
Watch out for flying wood.

Want to get some air? You took my breath away.
Just make sure it isn't a chilly day.
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
This one might take a few tries.

If you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning!
If they really have a laser you might end up running.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
No! This is good it won't bring you strife.

You're so sweet I'm getting cavities.
The Dentist? Hey it beats comparing them to antifreeze.
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't keep it in.
Okay! Even thinking that one would just be a sin.

I can't wait until tomorrow. Somehow you get prettier everyday.
Now Mr. Stalker don't keep causing dismay.
Is your name Pepsi? Because you are sure sizzling.
Over your head a can may soon be drizzling.

You're the marshmallows in my lucky charms.
You might lose your arms.
I can't taste my lips, can you taste them for me?
Of course it probably won't be free.

So if anyone actually uses those on their hunt, your growth may stunt. As you will probably get whacked in many different spots, lots! Then you would just get a poke to the eye with a thumb for acting so dumb. For you stole lines presented by a cat. What is up with that? There are many more that are crass but the cat will leave that to you class. For you are all a weird human mass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. Love it like always man, I'd like to use some of these tomorrow night, sounds to be like it's a plan.

    "Is your name Pepsi? Because you are sure sizzling.
    Over your head a can may soon be drizzling."

    "Are you from Tennessee?...Because you are the only Ten I See.
    Now ask them out for tea."

    Lmaoooooooo! These two lines man... These two lines killed me! I laughed so hard at both, excellent work.

  2. Sounds like a very dirty story! I love it! Great rhymes! Easily my favorite one you've ever done!

  3. hahaha just don't blame the cat if they backfire
    And things turn dire..haha
    Yeah I was laughing as I wrote some
    But I would have to be really really drunk off rum
    To every use any of these
    I'm not many would please..haha

    haha the more dirty I do the more beserk you go
    I now know how to amuse you at my show..haha

  4. I'm so glad I'm not at work when I read
    I'd be disrupting the work feed
    People would be peeking over my cubicle
    seeing why I was so hysterical!
    No, it's just me and my coffee
    and I can laugh loud and heartily.
    I was composed until I read
    You dropped something...my jaw.
    Then my laughs could be heard down the hall.
    Can't wait for Mr. Fox to see these
    Let's see if he uses any on me...
    lol (sorry silver, had to be done!)

  5. God save those who gonna try these things :D

    Enjoyed !!

  6. hahahahaha I never thought about Fox
    I think he might use ones more out of the box
    But you never know
    Be quite funny if he used them at your show
    Also it's quite good you aren't at work
    You may spit your coffee at co-workers as they lurk
    They could go berserk
    Although it might be satisfying if they were a jerk..haha

    Yeah I think even God may have trouble saving those who try
    They may get slapped and cry..haha

  7. Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. I really appreciate it. It gave me a chance to visit your blog also. :) Great blog! I am following. :)


  8. Lines the Pat would probably use...

    Strat, you're cute!

    Come with me and dine
    and I'll talk to you in rhyme.

    I'd love to make you dinner
    My chicken nuggets are a winner.

    Hope you like movie lines
    When I talk I use them all the time.

    When I share my Pringles with you
    It means my love is really true.


  9. Thanks for the look
    Also followed back your nook

    See I guess I'm smart enough to know
    Not to let those pick up line flow..haha

    hahaha I so hate that trip you had in the brain of Pat
    You just gave away my best material..strat
    Now I have to go and think up something new
    Oh and I hope that last one was for Pat or that just be ewww
    As if it was the cat and he shared the pringle can
    Strat could literally come out and hit the fan..hahaha

  10. I meant a fresh, unopened can
    who do you think I am?
    although one that has been refilled
    could be used to rid yourself of Ms. Nostril
    or some date that wouldn't leave
    and had made you peeved.

  11. Well, my behind said to tell you "You're welcome" for reminding you...hahaha

    You want me. I can smell it. Don't over act the sniffing fit. <-- LOL All I could picture was some creeper coming at me with their nose all crumpled up sniffing like a damn Hoover vaccuum. hahaha

  12. hahahaha oh that is good
    Keep one under my desk I should
    Then when those annoying people would leave at night
    I'll open it up, toss it in and they'll have a fright..haha

    haha I thank your behind
    For getting it out of my mind
    hahaha I supposed it be better than squashing head guy
    Unless he had a cold and boogers began to fly
    Then the vaccum might be in reverse
    And that creeper be so so much worse

  13. I'd fall for any of these catchy lines... I'm that cheap :)

  14. you want me i can smell it, oj that is a little weird, but no more absurd than the others, i think you need to go out and try a few, just take a video camera with you, hehe now this i want to see...

  15. haha at least you are honest about it
    Although I think with guys they'd be more of a hit

    yeah that is weird indeed
    hahaha one of those button cams I need
    That would be rather fun
    Though not sure getting slapped is worth it being done

  16. they sure would, if someone calls me a marshmallow, I'm marrying immediately :))

  17. hahaha I hope you have some standards though
    Could get stuck with some Flappy or Miss Nostril type of old crow

    Milk is nasty to me
    Be the first one can be fun to see

  18. Nice pants. Can I test the zipper??? Seriously??

    I am feeling a little off today Mr Pat.

  19. I think my sis had half of these said to her.

  20. So funny!
    Thanks for commenting on my blog today.

  21. I can't wait to use these lines on the warrior elf LOL!

  22. Ha, this is great. All these pickup lines in one place. Perfect reference material here I see, not afraid to use a feline line, nope not me. The dictionary one is fun indeed, I can even bring a prop with me.

    Great fun, love the baker one and the buns:)

  23. hahaha you feeling off too
    What are we to do

    Having een 10% of that said is bad
    Half must make her hate each lad..haha

    Not a problem at all
    Hopped on over to your hall

    haha well the warrior elf looks a tad strange
    So I'm sure these just might work at your range..haha

    Pick up rhymes
    Can be fun times

    haha yeah I thought as a wrote
    You would give the dictionary one your vote
    Just hold on to the prop
    Wouldn't want her to take it and use it to give your head a bop

  24. I seriously did a face palm at the "Only Ten I See" line! Wow. I heard that one somewhere in the past but must have buried it in the neither regions of my mind so reading it now was almost like being exposed to it for the 1st time.

  25. These were hilarious, Pat. I bet you make all the ladies swoon with these one liners.

  26. haha yeah that was so face palm worthy it wasn't funny
    I think the only way it would ever work is if you had boat loads of money

    haha riiight
    I'd get slapped all night

  27. Great as usual. More notably, I just realised there was a second cat on your logo, underneath the earth. MIND BLOWN :O

  28. i also just realized this second cat...how long has that been there!?

  29. For guys, how to seem smooth but not really be smooth and walk away with a sore cheek.

    For girls, how to watch guys be confused and not understand what's going on.

  30. I tried to think of a way to say how funny this is with a rhyme and have nothing to show for it but a headache, lol. I'll stick with saying good job, hilarious.

  31. pat, i have laughed at many of your posts, but this is the one i laughed at the most. so many kick ass lines. and i had already stopped by lmf's place so this was a gift. utterly hysterical:)

  32. "The Fox" doesn't use prepared "lines." Why?

    1. I'd hate to say something that's been already said by someone else to the married-- I mean, to the woman.

    2. She'd invariably wonder "How many other women have heard this line from him... maybe even tonight?"

    3. Most lines are corny, or outright suck.

    And for me to use any lines from this post to flirt with someone who reads this blog? Yeah, right! Ha!

  33. Having said all that... I may do a post someday soon about a scene involving "lines" from an unfinished screenplay....

  34. Someone has been using those lines with me lately in emails. Oh my goodness. I just realized it's YOU Pat. Please stop harassing me.


  35. hahaha geez just noticing that now
    You're going to make Miss Priss have a cow..haha

    hahaha fantastic
    Like a stretchy elastic or like breakable plastic?

    haha she's, Miss Priss, has been there all along
    I don't blame you for missing her after see my theme song

    Some of those lines could make other parts of guys sore
    And they won't be making babies no more..hahaha
    Guys themselves will just nod and agree
    If they like what they see

    hey at least now you can get a thrill
    By going and popping a pill..haha

    haha see I can always make you laugh more
    Even by using a LMF encore
    Glad it was fun
    Love when I can make people laugh a ton

    Yes I suspected as much
    I knew you were above such things at least by a touch
    hahaha yeah that would be a tad dumb to do
    Especailly to you know who..haha

    There you go got a post idea as well
    So I guess you picked something up in pick up hell

    Don't go blaming me
    Maybe that's why Fox protests too much at my sea
    It's him sending you those things
    Or just another one of your flings..haha

  36. "that would be a tad dumb to do
    Especially to you know who"

    Uhhhh... *ahem* Absolutely no idea who the hell you mean.

  37. haha maybe one day for a masterpiece
    I'll get a golden fleece

    Yeah I know what was that all about anyway
    I have no idea what the hell I meant either at my bay..haha

  38. Nice pants, can I test the zipper...LOL
    You never cease to make me smile

  39. I'm pretty sure using any of those on a girl you're currently dating will also get you smacked. :P

  40. crazy stuff do u rhyme your sentences accidently when you're talking to people?

  41. Uhm; I kinda like the zipper one . .


  42. haha..so cool..been smiling all the way down..and would really love to be the fly in the corner when you're going out on a date pat...haha

  43. "Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
    Best pick-up line ever...

  44. I have to say and recognize Pat your blog is not only a fun blog is really interesting, we can learn a lot, if I understand it, this cat certainly knows what he's talking, but not everything is so funny, it depends on each person what is funny I guess . xxx

  45. haha hopefully I will never cease to do such a thing
    Then I will no longer be the rhyming king

    Yes but why would you use them on a girl you are already dating
    As wouldn't you already be ummm mating..haha

    haha nope I'm over that
    Can compartmentilize well at my mat

    The zipper seems to be popular I guess
    Although could make you end up in one big mess

    Oh a fly on the corner you say
    That would prob be such dismay
    Plus Pat sworn that crap off
    So no need to scoff
    You won't have to turn into a fly
    Although it be fun watching you give it a try

    hahahaha yeah it could be the best
    Although will get you slapped more than likely like the rest

    Yes some people may be a peacock
    And just be left in complete shock
    But if so
    They can just scram from my show..haha
    I do try to work in some facts
    Also with my rhyming acts

  46. Your lines are smooooooth as broken glass,
    that's my thought for your little rhyming ass.

  47. hahaha I better watch my step if that's the case
    Would not want to get glass in my feet or face

  48. *LMAO*...Pat i think you're insane :) I don't know how I'd react if someone came up to me with some of the above lines...really cheesy but funny, am with Ed Pilolla on this and nice to see you around Ed~

    Wild Rose~

  49. hahaha yeah I'm a nut and a tad insane
    Here at my rhyming lane
    But what the hell
    At least one can't say I ever ring that ordinary bell

  50. haha forgot about those ones
    I think you scrolled to far down on your comment runs..hahaha


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