Look At These Nut Jobs! Truly Search Engine Slobs!

So the cat has been saving up some to use and to obviously abuse, those that come my way from some awful search engine play. The simple facts are they must have failed search engine school in order to find this rhyming fool. But I will not let their plight go in vain. Once more I go down the search engine lane.

"I went to the dentist today"

Really? You just had to go and tell me that. Since when have I ever talked about the dumb dentist at my mat? Who the heck would even type that in? I want to tell a search engine I went to the dentist, I have no other friends, what a sin.

"don't piss in my cheerios and i won't shit in your fruitloops"

I suppose this could come from my cereal character excursion. Still someone must have been looking for quite the diversion. Typing all of this out in some search engine shout and then finding me. I guess they got the diversion they wanted to see and don't worry the cat won't pee and make you flee.

"nice handwriting styles"

hahaha boy are they in the wrong place. The cat can't write and Pat could not even write nice if he were to trace.

"oops oops"

So were you telling the search engine oops? As you went and did "you know" in some ones fruit loops?

"i love my wagon my little red wagon golly gee i m a lucky boy"

Again talking to a search engine as you spread your love. Why not talk to a dove? But golly gee you are a lucky boy with your wagon toy. What if I fix your little red wagon and kick it over. Maybe then you will talk to rover.

"voiceless whimpers"

Guess this came from my bit of bliss. I'm sure you were looking for some video of a lad or miss. Or both if that's you thing, maybe an animal having a fling. Yeah I will stop there, any further and I may raise some eyebrow hair.

"the heavy man felt depressed because he was stretched too"

This thing was searched four times! That's right four frigging chimes. Who they heck would put this into a search engine even once? What a frigging dunce. I hope the heavy man at least got happy and was stretched a little less thin so he was no longer sappy.

"port a potty two way mirror"

This one is an obvious one, guess someone appreciated my port a pottie see through fun. Not sure why though. Not a place I'd want to go.

"younger borother a flock of bleeps"

Firstly I guess he/she can't spell and secondly, I guess he/she wanted their younger brother to go to hell. Or maybe it's a guy named Borother or with all those bleeps they just confused one another.

"kiss my ass rhymes" "rhyming threats" "things that are funny"

Seem to all apply. So I guess they found what they wanted and the search engine did not make them cry.

"mouse hamburger" hamburger dirty"

Isn't that an obvious one? If you don't kill the mouse before putting it between the bun, it will go and make the hamburger dirty. So kill it and don't be flirty. Then the hamburger is yummy in the tummy.

"ecstasy's run through bare"

Should I even take a guess? Maybe they can't spell with their mess and wanted to drug a bear? And wanted to see how long it would take to run through its hair.

"risk pictionary hungry hungry hippo trivial pursuit life battleship"

This one truly believed the search engines have magic powers and the things can bring on board game showers. Such lazy people not typing them in one at a time. Bet they got a shock when they found the board game rhyme.

"rhyming alcohol warning tips"

Blame this one on the jig and dVerse, sure all the rhymes just made them curse. Probably drove them right to drink and now their head is hanging in the kitchen sink.

"needs and wants pyramid" "all seeing eyes" "the pyramids destroyed"

Some one truly has a thing for pyramids I'd say and they keep coming back my way. Damn! Those aliens are back stalking me. Stay away or I will kick you in your little grey/green man knee. Go build another pyramid and leave me alone. I don't care if you like my tone. Keep your probe away. My bush with the tush does not want to play.

Now I am done making fun, at least for this rhyming run. So if you find me through some weird search engine sass. Expect a retort from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. "don't piss in my cheerios and i won't shit in your fruitloops" LOLOLOL

  2. I'm with Gareth, that made me laugh. You're awesome Pat Hatt!

  3. Yeah I laughed when I saw it too
    Sad that someone really typed that to come here for a view

    They found me through Pat Hatt as well
    But that one didn't seem good enough to tell..haha

  4. I still crack up with mine even today
    people still search "numb tongue from ant spray"!
    Which makes me feel good
    because I'm not alone in that neighborhood!
    Guess it's a common problem
    Maybe Raid should rhyme a little warning!

  5. hahaha I got a few numb tongue ones too
    All thanks to you
    It's just down right weird how some find us
    Typing all that out you'd think they were on the short bus
    Still can't believe how many people spray their own tongue though
    Maybe you could create a statistic at your show

  6. the fact that risk pictionary hungry hungry hippo come right after extasy run through bare is scary man...just reading these without your commentary has scared the rhyme out of me...these are hilarious and you have to wonder if those that search are serious...oops, oops...there it is, cheeze whiz

  7. LMFAO, you really need to stop making me laugh in my cubicle. I work for a Japanese company and they are very quiet people. There lack of English skills would make it impossible for me to explain this to them...

    This is a great idea for a post. I always wondered what weird things other bloggers were getting. I keep getting hit with "maintenance man" queries. Someone googled 5 times "man looks down and smiles". I mean, I am NOT a man and at 5 foot tall I'm always looking UP.

    risk pictionary hungry hungry hippo trivial pursuit life battleship
    -->hahaha What do you mean? Of course search engines have magical powers...they somehow googled all that and STILL got to you. I believe that only magic could pull that off...

  8. most of the people that come to my place from search engines are in search of sex things :) It's not that I'm not flattered, but sometimes I do feel a bit naughty about it :)
    But I generally have a great luck with Google since a lot of my posts and pics take high positions in their searches.

  9. Spray their own tongue?
    you make us sound so dumb
    like we did it on purpose
    'Open wide!' and push the button
    It's not something on which you'd become a glutton.
    Maybe I'll secretly search for 'strat'
    just to hear you say WTH!

  10. Creative Pat. Studying search engine hits is a humorous yet scary effort. A regular for me involves words I won't repeat regarding a post I did on a pimp receiving a brachial plexus stun.

  11. Yeah because it they are serious that is sad
    You'd have to be one confused lass or lad
    Just to type half of these things
    When you give the search engine rings
    But hey it makes for some fun
    And yeah that fact that came after board games is a scary one

    hahahaha that would be a fun post
    You trying to explain even 10% at most
    Maybe you should get a radio and play it high
    When you come here to spy
    Yeah weird things we all seem to get
    With some sort of search engine hit
    Just little phrases you say
    Make those looking for a 5 foot tall man come your way..hahahaha
    Hmmm I suppose that could be magic in itself
    Of course they might have got scared when they came to my shelf

    hahaha all those movie pics you have of stars
    Make them think your place is like pick up bars
    Coming for some sex things
    Or just a few flings
    And yeah movies will get you to the top
    Making the search engine visits hop

    hahaha didn't mean it to sound like that
    As all have done one thing or another like that at their mat
    Although I'm sure there are one or two
    That wanted to see what it would do
    And sprayed their own tongue
    Meaning their bell has prob been rung
    hahaha haven't got a strat one yet
    But now I'll know who to direct my retort at the next time a post like this is met..haha

    Yeah it is scary that some would type such stuff
    haha hmmm yes repeating such words might put some in a huff
    Sure it's rather amusing to look at
    But scary that they'd type that and come to your mat

  12. Funny they had to say they went to dentist today,
    For usually when you type these words, you end up my freaking way.
    Have a nice day, Pat!

  13. LOL What a post that would be! LMF trying to explain Pat Hatt and his rhyming cat to a group of people that have a difficult time understanding "I'm running a little late this morning". I could REALLY confuse them and tell them that my random burst of laughter stemmed from "don't piss in my cheerios and i won't shit in your fruitloops". hahaha

  14. haha you and the dentist seem to have some fun
    Drilled and filled and well done..hahaha

    You mean after TWO WHOLE WEEKS of being late in a row
    They still don't understand that phrase as you call in and go:
    I just egged myself so I'll be a little late
    hahahaha oh I'll never let you forget such a fate..hahaha
    The cheerios thing would be hard though
    Still make for quite the interesting show

  15. Oh this was rich, rich, rich....enjoyed it immensely, Pat.

    Glad your cats have super human (or cat) abilities...mine just kill young rats and lay them out in a ritual circle. (yep)

    Lady Nyo

  16. Typed in: don't piss in my cheerios and i won't shit in your fruitloops
    into google you where 4th result! Then went to your site through it! (twice!)
    had to add pat to the end the second time cause you didn't pop up in the results a second time!

  17. Amazing follow-up to your world famous first search engine twirl. Yes, they are insane, makes one wonder, and oft wish they'd go astray, but no longer as these posts from the cat are fun retorts. The mouse hamburger analysis was too much, I had to stop reading for a minute or so, way too funny. Awesome fun today, thanks

  18. Yeah I too am watchful of those pyramid building green guys.

  19. haha hey that's an ability too
    They just want to show they like you
    Or are leaving you a present
    Even though it's one you might resent

    hahaha moving on up in the world I guess
    No idea how they found me the first time with that mess
    I guess first time is the charm
    Anything after that and Google must think the fruit loops mean harm

    hahaha yeah I get many coming back after that hamburger post
    It would be ewww to your host
    If they actually wanted to eat that
    And they weren't a cat..haha

    Yeah no probe near me
    That's not something I want to see

  20. Why would anyone search those up? Were they drunk at the time?

    Still, those are better than what I've got. The most interesting one is "There's poop coming from my ceiling".

  21. hahaha well I suppose poop on a ceiling would work well
    Although looking at it would just be hell
    Yeah I'd say they were quite drunk
    Or in some kind of funk

  22. So THAT'S why my cereal tasted funny this morning (and I don't mean in a 'Ha Ha' kind of way, either).

  23. I'll never understand half the things people type into search engines... especially that pissing in cheerios one, you never know what kind of pictures will come up.

  24. LOL! This is hilarious. It is so funny what certain people search for :)

  25. And, I thought that I got some weird searches!

  26. P*ss & chips.... P*ss & Vinegar but never heard of P*ss & S**T in Fruitloops... There really are some fruit n Nutcases out there in the big bad web world!~!


  27. Yeahhh the cheerio fruit loops were pretty funny, but everything else too. I wish I got half of these.

  28. Ha..ha.. fun post on those search engine words
    hope they find the links to those crazy links

    thanks for making me laugh at the end of a crazy and busy day at the office ~

  29. haha I hope you did not eat it after that
    Ewww is all you'd get from the cat..haha

    Yeah I have know idea why someone would type such crap
    Other then they are really high or on some drunk lap
    True the pictures would be scary as well
    Could make one blind at their cell

    Certain people are funny
    And stranger than the psycho Easter bunny..haha

    I'm sure some of yours are right up there with mine
    Which probably isn't fine

    Glad it was funny
    And not too runny

    Yeah I never heard of that at all
    No idea how it came about at my hall
    Nutcases is the right word
    The web world can be quite absurd

    Good one
    With all my fun

    haha yeah at least the scary people who type them never show
    Then that might really ruin my flow..haha

    Yeah hopefully they find what they are looking for
    That and soo much more
    I did it at work
    Shows how busy I was that I had time to lurk..haha

  30. The banner you have of you and the cat is just plain awesome! Nice blog too.


  31. You crack me up everytime, Pat. I still don't know how you do this so well. Do you talk like this at work too???? :D

  32. Glad you like the banner of the cat
    He'll really like that

    hahaha only when I'm looking to confuse someone of tick them off
    Then I simply pretend I don't know what they are talking about and give a cough..haha

  33. The advantage to him is that he gets a new counter top and gets help paying for it. The obvious advantage to you is that it will cost you less to repair the damage you caused. All is not lost though. You get to live in a place with a new kitchen countertops.

  34. Look at this countertop nut
    Guess he/she is stuck in a countertop rut


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