Suggestions From My Mat, So We Won't Get Squashed Flat!

So with them blithering on about us getting flattened like some dinosaur, I figured I would help them out with their asteroid chore. They seem to be having such trouble thinking up stuff, which brings forth another What To Do huff and puff.

The facts supposedly are, Apophis will be the next one to come near Earth's bar. But maybe those nasty aliens will send some our way. Who knows what kind of gadgets they have on display. So here is the easiest ways to stop the asteroids. Aren't I just so helpful filling their voids?

What to do, What to do
When an asteroid is going to crush me and you!

So here they come on a destructive path,
Making us suffer their horrible wrath.
Now what are we do to?
Stand around, twiddling our thumbs and turn blue?

At least the dinosaurs had a tail.
They could use it to play ball when the asteroids began to hail.
So that means we gather up all the stupid humans around,
And make them into a bat, swinging them as each asteroid is found.

Or maybe we just stick them all on one side,
Then the asteroid will go wide.
For you humans can get quite obese,
And all together that will increase.

The Earth will be weighed down,
And the asteroid will miss, hitting some other planet's town.
Of course there are those spider things.
Personally I like to eat them, but prefer the bugs with wings.

Anyway they can make a huge web around the globe,
And by using our space probe.
We watch as the asteroids get caught,
In the spiders webby knot.

Heck! It's a rock right?
Why not let another rock join in the fight.
Build a huge catapult thing,
Then let the bigger rock fling.

Pow! The bigger rock wins,
And both go sailing off into the universe's big garbage bins.
We could send up a team with a big parachute,
And have them hook it up to the big brute.

Make sure it is re-entry proof,
And then it floats down and doesn't make us go poof.
Or just strap a rocket to its ass,
Wait! Does it have one of those on its mass?

Okay, just strap it somewhere on it,
Then send it off to some other poor planet to hit.
Just don't piss off any aliens though.
They may strike a worse payback blow.

You know termites like wood right?
So find something that likes to eat meteor and let it bite.
It will think it has found something grand.
And lend us a hand.

The whole world could blow at once too.
Then off it will go from the hot air due.
Heck, politicians should be able to blow it away,
With all the garbage they say.

But if all else fails you and me will board a ship,
Get enough food and water for a million year trip.
Then let the Earth stop the stupid rock.
I am sure sooner or later we'll get over the shock.

Until one hits our ship too.
Then it's goodbye me and you.
So let's hope my What To Do works.
But if not, at least there will be less nasty Wal-Mart clerks.

Now is that not better than throwing a nuke at the rock? After all we could still get some nuclear after shock. This way we are environmentally friendly as well and hopefully will not get blown to hell. Unless of course breaking wind is a contagious thing, for with all you humans in one spot giving such a ring. I am afraid all of that smelly gas will pollute more than a nuke and just ruin the plans given by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. I love this Patt Hatt. You're so good. That's a face it fact, you're an awesome act

  2. Get into a boat?
    Would that be my zucchini boat?
    It could do a good float
    in any moat.
    Or float out to sea
    to avoid the astroid thingy.

  3. I'm not afraid of asteroids, I'm more than sure that Roland Emmerich has a cunning plan how to save us from one!

  4. If an asteroid crushes me, then I will do a little wee
    In my pants, or on the floor
    I am gone forevermore.

  5. haha everyone move to the left, another one is coming, through with the catapult i am imagining a terrible astral pool shot ricocheting back on our self attack, now that would be bad but not surprise...

  6. You eat spiders? I read all of that, and all that's stuck in my mind is that you eat bugs!! That's nasty cat! hahaha

    Seriously though, this stuff scares the crap out of me. My ex b/f's cousin decided to introduce me to the 2012 theory about 4 years ago. I lost a good month's sleep worrying my poor little brain about it. Now you're gonna have me up all night worry about asteriods! Then when I finally fall asleep I'm going to have nightmares of cats eating bugs. Sigh...

  7. Funny. I guess it is good that is cloudy today or I might be focused upward looking for falling rocks.

  8. omg. I'm so out of it. So we have another asteroid coming to hit us? Yes. Ben Affleck. Or at the very least Bruce Willis. :D

  9. Glad I can follow the tracks
    And keep up awesome acts

    I think that zuccihni boat might sink
    Even if it is painted pink
    Especially if it hits the sea
    As you try to flee
    For that could bring a tidal wave
    And things could get rather grave

    hahaha yeah Roland Emmerich seems to know those asteroid rocks
    I'm sure he has super alien ships near some docks

    haha I don't know if you'll have time to wee
    Unless you do it as you try to flee
    But once it lands on your head
    The wee will not matter for you will be dead..haha

    Yeah I thought of the aftershock
    From the even bigger rock
    At least we can do in ourselves I guess
    Or if it breaks up there will just be more of a mess

    Yes the cat eats all the bugs he can find
    Those flies he chases with his little behind
    hahaha the 2012 theory is crap
    So don't worry about your nap
    Only supposed first world people fear the thing
    The ancestors of those don't think doom it will bring
    We will still be here
    So never fear
    An asteriod may crush us though
    And bring on some never ending ice age of snow

    Hey at least if it's cloudy out
    You won't see it to shout
    So there will be no fear
    By the time you see it "oh dear"
    It is too late
    To even contemplate your fate

    I hear he only directs now
    But if he gets his tax break he may make that asteriod go pow

    hahaha not for a good 15-20 years or so
    Bruce Willis may have sunk below
    Or be in his walker
    I'm sure he could scare it away with his yippee kay yay mother flocker

  10. Pat,
    An asteroid like a ball is round
    It rolls away easily on the floor
    You can sidestep it like a clown
    But if you are slow you are done for


  11. Why not use the obese people and form a massive ball of fat instead of a rock?

    Solve two problems at once. :P

  12. Where'a a hologram when need one?
    We could even hide from the sun
    until the astroid thing was done.

  13. Yeah side stepping the thing would be wise
    But you might have to side step quite a bit as it is rather large in size

    hahaha yeah that would solve two issues quite easy
    Although the obese people might think it's a tad cheesy

  14. A hologram would work to confuse the thing
    Yet it could still hit the real thing with it's deadly ring
    Need some reality shifting stuff
    To avoid its huff and puff

  15. LOL on mama zen's comment..good idea...haha
    ya know..i think i would join the dinosaurs playing ball with the asteroids...what do you mean by they become extinct...haha

  16. 7 Billion all move to the left ... and yes, we'll tip the earth off it's axis and then go spinning off into space along with the rest of the load of old balls out there......LOLOL
    Cracking up myself up here..serious when you giggle at your own tend to always make me giggle!
    Off now to look up Apophis... that's one I didn't hear about.

  17. Or just let it hit and act like it's the last day of our lives for once.

  18. Damn Asteroids. Where's Atari when you need them. Or perhaps we should be looking for Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis and their gang off drillers, or maybe Clint Eastwood and some old-tirmers, get them to risk their butts for ours. Lol

    Lots of fun suggestions. Let's just hope they don't like all the attention, are rather shy, and instead will just fizzle out, or break apart and then fall into the ocean deep. Hopefully though the fish will flee.

    By the way, my cat's dig the spiders too:) Cocoa is sloppy though, and you'll see the little things hanging from his mouth, blood and all- yeesh

  19. haha the dinosaurs might take a break in the seventh inning
    And whether losing or winning
    They may go on the attack
    And you may become a snack..haha

    hahahaha maybe the 7 billion people can to the hokey pokey
    That would delight even Loki
    And surely move us out of the way
    Of that rock any day

    Aren't you rather dreary
    You need to take a happy pill and get more cheery..haha

    Could chuck all those old Atari's at it
    Though not sure the plug would stretch far enough to hit
    Space Cowboys could get the job done
    While Willis and his crew has their fun
    Yeah lets hope they fizzle out and go away
    Apophis already caused SG1 enough dismay
    That is just nasty but funny..hahaha
    Oh and the other day Orlin was chowing down on money
    Stupid cat
    Trying to eat the money of Pat..haha

  20. I don't care if I get squashed flat, and I'm stickin' to that.


  21. Just think what an asteroid strike would do to real estate values!! I shudder to think...

  22. Holy, this is fun. what about building
    a ship or a spacecraft or an ark? you forgot
    to include too that the world is coming to an end~

    have a good week ~

  23. Good lord....
    there is no end of your imagination
    now u made an asteroid hit earth :D

    Great !!!
    Fantastic read... enjoyed as always :)

  24. haha at least you don't care
    When it does you'll prob run around bare..haha

    Great one
    Great fun

    Hahahaha God they are low enough now
    If an asteroid went kapow
    You could get houses for a buck
    Of course for some that be nice luck

    Bah the world is always coming to some kind of end
    And technically the world coming to an end trend
    Is a load of crap
    Because the world does not end its lap
    Humans just go bye bye
    And the ark would have to fly..haha

    Actually I tried to stop it
    But I guess it did hit in my fit
    Glad my imagination was a success
    And not some jumbled mess

  25. I LOVE YeamieWaffles's comment--soooo true! :0)

    I've been hearing a lot about asteroids lately. Your poem does make me wonder what would happen . . .

  26. haha awww you think I'm an awesome act too
    How nice of you
    Yeah all over the stinkin' news
    So I figured what did I have to lose

  27. As you are a gracious host
    I decided to comment on your post
    Just keep the rhymes flowing
    I don't want to signs of slowing
    Now I must take my leave
    For I have weave.

    Ok, I lost it there at the end. It was my first attempt, lol.

  28. haha a great attempt it was to
    The end worked well if true
    Just should not have told me
    Then the rhyme would have worked perfectly
    And I have no signs of slowing
    For my rhymes will keep on flowing and growing

  29. After reading this, I want to give you a high five and show this to Bruce Willis.

  30. haha if Bruce likes it
    Let him know I have better ideas to make Die Hard 5 a hit..haha

  31. "Heck, politicians should be able to blow it away,
    With all the garbage they say."


    Awesome ideas. :D Anyway, I always suspect trying to nuke the approaching asteroid would probably backfire on us somehow.

  32. haha yeah I have the feeling it would backfire too
    Let's hope we never have to find out if it's true


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