These facts today will surely help you in their own way. As there are plenty of ways to increase the things you want. So here I go with my increasing taunt.
Although I will be avoiding body parts at my mat.
Sorry if your chest is flat.
Sure you have ways to deal with that.
But here is some other increasing ways from the cat.
You want to get taller?
Hang around people that are smaller.
Want to be shorter?
Make a wish with a quarter.
Have faster typing speed?
uhashfakf! Did I plant the seed?
Warning, some may not be able to read.
May not do well for your feed.
Increase your credit score?
Pffft only if you start a war.
Get more gambling addicts to call?
Offer a prize for every fourth caller at your hall.
Make your compter run faster?
It could end in a disastor,
But stick it to a jet.
Be the fastest it will ever go I bet.
Get a pregnant wife?
Play the game of Life.
Could get twins with ease,
Cheat and have as many as you please.
Increase your land?
Give your neighbor a helping hand,
Putting up that fence.
I know a false pretense.
But make is so pretty,
That taking it down would be a pity.
Poof there you go,
Increased land at your show.
Traffic to your blog?
Pretend to be a dog.
Oh whoops! Cats rule and dogs drool,
Maybe it works with a mule?
Increase brain power?
Lock someone with a brain in a tower.
Or take a cold shower,
Whoops, I wasn't supposed to empower.
Increase your exercise?
Get those batteries that energize.
You'll just keep going and going,
From all the battery acid you may even start glowing.
Increase relationship stuff?
You know what makes you huff and puff.
That can be done with ease,
If only you didn't diddle around and catch a disease.
I so wanted to say something about knees,
But that wasn't alright with Louise.
So I'll stop the birds and the bees,
And forgo any type of squeeze.
Increase your money?
Buy the stuff that looks funny.
Then you go and spend some,
And now have lots of fake money of some useless bum.
I never said it would be worth a thing.
So don't let that hate sling.
So did you like my increase research?
Now now don't swear, that's not the way of the church.
Yes, I know in order for some things to increase others will decrease. I guess you will have to decrease what you want to increase. So others will increase and you can live with the decrease, giving your life a new lease. And now you all I will release. Glad I never have an increase in gas then all would avoid my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.
Although I will be avoiding body parts at my mat.
Sorry if your chest is flat.
Sure you have ways to deal with that.
But here is some other increasing ways from the cat.
You want to get taller?
Hang around people that are smaller.
Want to be shorter?
Make a wish with a quarter.
Have faster typing speed?
uhashfakf! Did I plant the seed?
Warning, some may not be able to read.
May not do well for your feed.
Increase your credit score?
Pffft only if you start a war.
Get more gambling addicts to call?
Offer a prize for every fourth caller at your hall.
Make your compter run faster?
It could end in a disastor,
But stick it to a jet.
Be the fastest it will ever go I bet.
Get a pregnant wife?
Play the game of Life.
Could get twins with ease,
Cheat and have as many as you please.
Increase your land?
Give your neighbor a helping hand,
Putting up that fence.
I know a false pretense.
But make is so pretty,
That taking it down would be a pity.
Poof there you go,
Increased land at your show.
Traffic to your blog?
Pretend to be a dog.
Oh whoops! Cats rule and dogs drool,
Maybe it works with a mule?
Increase brain power?
Lock someone with a brain in a tower.
Or take a cold shower,
Whoops, I wasn't supposed to empower.
Increase your exercise?
Get those batteries that energize.
You'll just keep going and going,
From all the battery acid you may even start glowing.
Increase relationship stuff?
You know what makes you huff and puff.
That can be done with ease,
If only you didn't diddle around and catch a disease.
I so wanted to say something about knees,
But that wasn't alright with Louise.
So I'll stop the birds and the bees,
And forgo any type of squeeze.
Increase your money?
Buy the stuff that looks funny.
Then you go and spend some,
And now have lots of fake money of some useless bum.
I never said it would be worth a thing.
So don't let that hate sling.
So did you like my increase research?
Now now don't swear, that's not the way of the church.
Yes, I know in order for some things to increase others will decrease. I guess you will have to decrease what you want to increase. So others will increase and you can live with the decrease, giving your life a new lease. And now you all I will release. Glad I never have an increase in gas then all would avoid my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.
I'll stick my computer to a jet, only after I see you doing the same with yours :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent Pat.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to "You want to get taller?
Hang around people that are smaller." I have used this strategy to dominate my son's elementary school pick-up basketball games for a couple of years now. Get that out here kid!
haha you provide me with access to a jet
ReplyDeleteAnd I will attach the thing and tell it to get
Then it will be your turn
Let's hope the harddrive doesn't burn
hahahaha picking on the poor kiddies by rejecting their shots
The cat likes that lots...haha
Want to have a zoo?
ReplyDeleteSet out cat food and call "Meew!"
Gawd... glowing from batteries... it doesn't bear thinking about where that took my mind...yes, it would be the gutter! LOLOL
ReplyDeleteThe first stanza really speaks to us women. And taking the principal of balance in mind, I've decided to take the fat from my rump and use it to make my boobs bigger.It's a win-win situation.
ReplyDeleteSo all I need to do is hang around shorter people? Does that mean that I need to get a new group of friends under the age of 10? lol!!
ReplyDeleteGlowing from battery acid...hmmm That would make a VERY interesting blog entry. Ever hear of those Chinese glow in the dark cats?
A likely situation of a zero sum game
ReplyDeleteStory of an increase by a pretty hot dame
She'll pile bit by bit but watch it man
Squeezed your dough off leaving you lame
Cry your heart out but none to blame
Hank
would you like some cat ?
ReplyDeletei've about 7 cat in my hood
I love this Pat. Absolute genius once again! Bow down to the king, you're awesome. And the way you manage to update every single day... Honestly I'm really damn envious of you and your talent, you're a great blogger.
ReplyDeletethis is one of my favorites! Very good!!!! And thanks for the chuckle!
ReplyDeletestarting wars to increase credit scores is brilliant...ha...lol betsy too with her zoo...spend money to get more not sure that will take you far, but thats what the men in char-ge want you to think...
ReplyDeletehahaha I guess a skunk and a raccoon come too
ReplyDeleteAlong with a snake to join your crew
Maybe they are confused with the Meew cry
Give a elephant call a try..hahaha
LOL oh such gutter play on your mind
I think it was caught by my rhyming behind
But I just went gutter all the same
Aren't you supposed to be tame?..haha
hahaha there you go such a great win-win
Maybe you should make that into a pin
And pass it along
Could even create a song
hahaha you never know
May learn a thing or two from the ten year old show
I may have to see what I can do
With the glowing battery acid thanks to you
And yeah heard of those cats
Stupid Chinese ding bats
haha very true
No one to blame but you
For such a game
Damn that dame
Two cats are just fine
The others can stay at your line
Envious of me
I guess then we are both a little crazy..haha
Who knows how long I can keep up the daily stuff
But I will until my fingers have had enough
A favorite and a chuckle too
Glad it was fun for you
hahaha yeah that one just popped my head
So true it brings a bit of dread
You're twin was correct in her zoo as well
Maybe she should get a little bell
That's what they wish
Hoping you'll just follow like fish
Thanks for the tips
ReplyDeletestraight from the cat's lips
Most sound pretty sound
although I have found
wile going through life,
I don't want a pregnant wife.
but I'll take your other advice
in a thrice, if it's nice,
so don't think twice,
and don't roll the dice.
It's not to high a price
for the required sacrifice.
So I need to be a dog, eh? It almost makes sense. Almost.
ReplyDeletedamn you are one rhyming master
ReplyDeletei hope my rhyme won't seem like disaster
you're passion is quite evident
it's clear your post brings enlightenment
Homeward Bound reference FTW!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I LOVE the irony in this ;)
ReplyDeleteFun Facts From Pat Hatt: The Movie, forthcoming Spring 2012.
ReplyDeleteLove the credit score one!
ReplyDeleteThe cat would more likely eat the dice
ReplyDeleteLike they were mice
And then they would come out his rhyming behind
So rolling dice here you will never find
Or at least never see
Who knows with me..haha
But almost only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades I hear
So could be a dog I fear..haha
Not a disaster one bit
A great little rhyming fit
Passion for being a nut
Stuck in a rhyming rut
Yep that's me
Here at bush number three
hahaha can't beat homeward bound
Even with those dogs around
Irony I added and then some
Was such fun with my little rhyming bum
Do I get a comission
From each admission
The cat and Pat would love that
Even just a red carpet mat
haha if war takes a detour
bye bye credit score
Pat oh I would really love rhyme but can't in English at least:)
ReplyDeletehaha well if you rhyme another way
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it would be quite the display
But I would not be able to tell what it meant
Still would not get bent..haha
An elephant call
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I could at all
Would be funny to hear me try,
the sound might make you die! ha.
hahaha yes I would laugh quite a lot
ReplyDeleteIf your were caught
And the thing was posted to your blog
Maybe it sound like you were warning of fog..hahaha
Pat good idea I can rhyme in spanish(lol)
ReplyDeleteClever and funny!
ReplyDeletePS Excuse my brain cells for lacking rhyme.
I've got nothing right now.
But maybe next time.
xoRobyn
My chest, it's true, is flat.
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm a dude
so I'm okay with that.
But, Little Al makes me feel dumb
For tis no longer than my thumb.
A spanish rhyme would be interesting indeed
ReplyDeleteJust wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of it at my feed..haha
I supposed I can excuse your one time
For once isn't a crime
But twice
And I might not be so nice..haha
hahaha well if you have big hands
Your thumb may compliment other umm glands
But if your fingers are small
Some issues may befall
warning of fog
ReplyDeleteor sounding like a hog
I'm not sure I could spell it
much less yell it!
hahahaha.
maybe in the future anyway you can translate:)
ReplyDeletehaha that makes two
ReplyDeleteAs I can't spell it just like you
Yell it who knows
As out of the cat crazy flows
Yes translating I can do
Just give Google a view
Google?? come on Pat Im sure you have other translator, anyway to a view maybe, is only google sometimes is so funny in the translate:)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure if I offered these pieces of advice to my friends they'd smack me.
ReplyDelete(That won't stop me from giving it to them though...)
Yeah I could find a translator thingy
ReplyDeleteIf you gave a spanish comment ringy dingy...haha
hahahaha sounds like just what I would do
I think we can handle a smack or two..haha
getting a pregnant wife is the way to lose the game of life
ReplyDeleteOhh.. the pregnant wife.. was rude :(
ReplyDeletenice :)
ReplyDeleteMy comment didn't show up last night but
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you that I enjoyed this
tale specially the birds and bees ~
Have a nice day ~
Pat! I dont speak "ringy dingy spanish" ,:)
ReplyDeletehahaha if it's the actual game could be
ReplyDeleteBut then you extend your family tree
hahaha I love being rude
And a tad crude
Nice
Do you want lice?
Geez stupid error 503
Causing you flack when you come to visit me
Glad you liked at least
The birds and the bees together are quite the beast..haha
Not even a little ringy dingy your way
Ringy Dingy is just so fun to say
Fun piece. Bit of marketing, bit of New Age Guru, seems the cat is expanding his show. Well we already knew he was psychic, so why not a Dr. Phil-like rival, could be fun or could make the cat reach for a gun-lol The dog blog is out there too, but they see a cat or mailman or ….and they're through. And dogs can't rhyme so well either. Yet, on a different not, with the increase this, decrease that train of thought, there really is a lot to say about balance, which is about as good a goal to strive for as I can think of, so why not. Great read. thanks
ReplyDeleteAnd to be thinner???
ReplyDeleteList can go on n on...
ReplyDelete"Have faster typing speed?
uhashfakf! Did I plant the seed?" LOL
True never really thought about the balance side
ReplyDeleteBut increase decrease sure does balance out ones stride
Becoming a Dr. Phil type
Ewww I don't want to listen to people gripe..haha
Yeah the dogs get to easily distracted
So they blogs get redacted
Ummmm go to a sumo match
And watch a whole batch
hahaha yes on and on indeed
But did not want to bore at my feed