I Guess My Movie Poke Made Them Choke!

That magic chair made the cat give out insults at the mall and now I'm getting nasty insults mailed to my hall. I guess those people couldn't handle be in a movie and didn't think it was very groovie. But the cat will take them in stride for they will make for such a fun blog ride.

You have a room temperature IQ.
Guess I just need to jack it up a few.
You're as bright as Alaska in December.
At least Santa can find me and remember.

You fell out of the family tree.
And survived as you can see.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Walking is good exercise anyway and trains make that annoying humming.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Does that mean I'll win an election?
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching you.
Is it my fault he wasn't on duty to view?

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Damn! I got a power, that has to cause a commotion.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
But still dull enough to make you roar.

It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
I guess I can really umm squirm.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge and you only gargled from it.
See I have so much brain power I only needed a little hit.

Takes you 10 hours to watch 60 minutes each time.
What do you expect when I sit here and rhyme?
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Yeah, I ate him but don't worry your pretty little head.

You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
So are you the idiot affiliate?
You're so dense, light bends around you.
Damn! Another super power, that's two.

If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
I'll take the money, don't hate.
If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
Then no water I would have to seek.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
When it is found I'll have double the wit.
If I gave a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
And more money seems strange?

Geez, these guys need better insults for the cat. I think they kind of fall flat. But I guess humans just aren't able to keep up with me and good old bush number three. The facts in case you are lost is no one really did accost, except those guys and girls from the mall and they truly had a ball. Aren't you humans so crass? Or at least you think you are until made fun of by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.


  1. Getting back with the rhymes...nicely done.

  2. o i might have to jot these down for next time i go to town, just in case, someone decides they wanna be un-faced

  3. Room temperature IQ you ushered
    That's pretty lowly I would say
    Noting many not really bothered
    They'll get on with life anyway


  4. Ah, yes, reminds me of several...

    Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

    Missing a few flights to the attic.

    Not playing with a full deck.

    The lights are on, but there's nobody home.

    The human race never comes up wanting when it comes to insulting one another.

  5. Dear cat there a lot of type of human being:)

  6. Great rhymes today, Pat.
    If having the light bent around me would mean I'll be invisible, it would be quite cool though!

  7. haha yeah I will always get back
    By rhyming at my shack

    Be hard not to laugh when using a few
    As they are pretty corny, sad but true
    Still would insult though
    But some just reap what they sow

    haha especially down where it is warm
    Room temperature will be below the norm
    That would just be sad
    They'd need to move to a colder pad

    LOL you have a thing for the no brain ones
    And yeah humans have insults by the tons

    haha yes there are a few
    That try and put you in a stew

    Yeah being invisible would be fun
    That insult wasn't very well done

  8. Wow, you are so good at rhyming. When I was in high school I could never put anything in rhyme in my poetry class. I am following you, your blog is fabulous! Greetings from Rome.

  9. I really don't get how you do this on a day by day basis man, you're amazing. Awesome stuff as usual Pat.

  10. Fabulous you say
    That works for me at my bay
    All they way from Rome too
    I'm also sure you could come up with at least one rhyme to view

    haha I don't really get it either to tell the truth
    But away I keep going at my rhyming booth

    Yeah I know a few as well
    Be nice if they were tossed in a cell

  11. I swear it is not me who is sending you the insults /secretlysendshispenguinteamtoerasealltracesandassassinatethemailman)

  12. LOL that poor mailman is done
    But after all those dogs I'm sure he can run
    So the penguins may not get all the evidence away
    I may get to him first and get all the proof I need to send the coppers your way

  13. You fell out of the family tree.
    And survived as you can see.

    This sounds like me
    in my post "Dear Betsy"

    Why drink from the fountain of knowledge I ask
    when the youth fountain is where you and I bask
    young AND smart might be too much
    for the others to accept, and such.

  14. the penguins have already got the mailman, that's what you get when you hire a drunken armadillo for a mailman in your street, Pat! Now we shall extract all memories from him and let him go...

    1. extract all memories....Ew. Just how is that done?
      Maybe I'm better off not knowing.

    2. our favourite method is making the subject listen to Rihanna's and Kathy Perry's screeching voices for about an hour after which the subject remembers nothing from his previous life...

  15. The R with his return
    Makes all feel the burn..lol

    LOL maybe I channeled your post by mistake
    As this rhyme began to bake
    Yeah the fountain of youth trumps that
    For knowledge can always be gained, when we keep de-aging like a sneaky rat
    haha we might have to run
    As others would want to find the secret to our fun

    Damn drunks!
    I hate those penguin punks.
    But I will get them one day
    I never should have sent them back to your bay

  16. I'll need to count how many of these or equivalents were used against me from time to time. Clever rhyme Pat and thanks for offering something that I can take and abuse others with.

  17. You ate the poor little hamster!?!?! How sad!!

    and LOL @ the village idiot affilliate line. hahaha Very clever!!

    Don't let those mall haters get to your head. They are just a bunch of jelly bellies wishing they could rhyme like you!

  18. Did you just call us sneaky rats?
    now I really am laughing at that.
    I guess we could sell little vials of the fountain drink
    but it's more fun to look younger than they think.
    Some secrets are better kept than told
    we'll just let everyone else look old.

  19. Not sure these were used against me for real
    Using swearing ensues with such an ordeal
    Glad I can help you abuse
    Just watch on who you use
    Or could get a smack
    As they go on the attack

    Glad it's neat
    With my rhyme beat

    The hamster was annoying indeed
    Spinning and spinning, so I had to use it as feed
    Those jelly bellies sure can shake about
    But they never make me pout

  20. haha yeah we'll be the sneaky rats
    While they are all the stalking cats
    Trying to find the fountain we use
    I suppose we could charge dues
    As the fountain runs deep
    But then the secret is more fun to keep

  21. "You're so dense, light bends around you" gotta love that. :D

  22. hahaha yeah gives you a power
    It will make others cower

  23. If brains were taxed you'd get a rebate, classic.

  24. Yay! You wrote a whole post about me... I think... I'm not sure... I don't understand it all...

  25. You have some pretty cool insults in there today, Pat. Now if only I could remember some of them when I needed them. LOL.

  26. hahaha I won't knock the dough
    So they can insult away with such things at my show

    Only a little harsh
    Here at my marsh

    haha you don't understand the insults
    Maybe one applies or you drank too many sinlge malts

  27. just wondering if you have chinese ancestors...because you ate the hamster...ugh...hope you had a bit wasabi going with it...sheesshhh

  28. hahaha what? cats eat hamsters all the time
    At least rodents that look the same, is that a crime

  29. LOL
    We're just big sperms.

  30. You know, Pat, I still don't know how you come up with all of this. It would take me all day. I fell out of the family tree a long long time. Guess that's why I can't... rhyme?

  31. "made fun of by my rhyming ass" LOL nice love that line

  32. hahaha I guess size does matter too
    The bigger we are the more we can push through

    Really? yummy?
    Not sure I want to know what's in your tummy

    No idea, they just come out as I type
    Once I have a topic I start with my rhyme hype
    LOL falling out of that tree
    Can hurt if you fall on your knee

    The last line has some rendition of ass
    As I have to use it to make my final pass..haha

  33. Drat those cats but....I sure would miss that little rhyming ass now :)

  34. Were you writing 'bout my ex? It feels as though you were.
    If you knew the girl, you'd know why I'm reminded of her!

    Great post, just like most.

  35. enjoy your winter smash a printer :)

  36. Really good, this ones kinda like a big insult.

  37. You're good, you. You. You're good.

  38. I've always got times
    to read all your rhymes
    when I'm not perpetrating crimes
    im fitting in with mimes
    at the local college campus

  39. I like this best best: If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate. he..he...

    How is the writing for children's books coming along?

  40. haha no need to miss
    For the cat will be around to cause bliss

    Well if it applies to your ex and is true
    Just maybe I did it to help you..haha

    I will smash away
    Each and every day

    hahaha one big insult indeed
    Once in a while I have to let them go at my feed

    I told myself
    Does that make me insane at my shelf..haha

    Lots of you's in that reply
    You a swell guy

    Fitting in with mimes?
    Not that right there causes crimes
    Those things aren't sublime
    Don't dare drop a dime
    They don't even chime
    They need to suck on a lime

    A rebate means money
    So I'll take it and let them think they are funny

  41. Mary you must have been contray as it went to spam
    Just dumb blogger at it again with it's traffic jam
    Try and remember one
    Then just let it be spun
    Could help once in a while
    Plus they aren't too vile

  42. I like the sperm and tax rebate.
    It takes a fool to send you hate.
    You kill with words in wondrous ways
    And leave me an awestruck daze.
    They're jealous, it's quite plain to see
    And couldn't find a rhyme for "tree."
    Way to shut them down alright.
    Job well done. You've won the fight.

  43. Haha, yeah some of your haters better learn a good shot, other ways from the cat they'll be got. Some funny insults to be sure, a couple of mean ones but the cat's comebacks must've made them insulters feel mighty silly. Fun write, the super power bits were great. Actually though I think i just love the rational reaction, how some mean spirited invention of some ignoramus can, with patience and thought, be turned upside down and rhymed into something positive. Great job. Thanks

  44. Oh man, these sick burns. Where do they keep coming from. It's an endless onslaught.

  45. lol, I like that last line. Freaking printers.

  46. Yeah if they can't find a rhyme for tree
    They are nuts, lazy or jealous, plainly
    Glad I can win
    That's always fun to hear at my bin

    You wish you coud rhyme better or just rhyme?
    Can make it easy and just use time

    If you take your time
    You can point out how stupid they sound with each chime
    But most people just jump the gun
    And start in with some more insult fun

    Endless onslaught at my bay
    But I don't let them cause dismay
    Only to those when turned around
    Then they run away and are never found

    Those damn printers still won't smash
    I think they need one more good bash

    yummy yummy too?
    Strange are you..haha


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