Couldn't Pass This Up. Each One Had A Slight Hiccup!

The cat was reading some dumb news story thing here and there and figured it couldn't be that rare. So I looked about and found some things I had to give a shout. I guess that is just the way life goes or some sort of karma surely brings about woes. So it seems today the dumb news facts will be bursting out in teams.

Two seals were rehabilitated to the cost of quite the sum. Then when they were released back into the wild, people cheered and drank rum. One minute later a killer whale ate them both. That surely stunted their growth.

It seems a terrorist didn't pay enough postage one day on some letter bomb he sent to some bay. So it came back return to sender. He forget what it was, opened it and I guess you can say he went through a blender.

Seems some guy committing a crime would be better off as a mime. For his getaway vehicle sealed the deal. It had his name and phone number in foot high letters on the side. I'm sure that made the coppers smile wide.

Also I hear when people see a glass wall, no matter how tall, they climb it to see what is on the other side of it. Hmmm isn't that redundant by at least a little bit?

Seems a french farmer shot himself in the foot one day because a ghost appeared at his bay. Maybe the ghost was short? Or just wasn't the type to consort.

It seems a man liked to throw bricks. Through jewelry store windows and not at hicks. He did so one night to take his criminal mastery to a new height. But the window was made of plexiglas and it bounced back knocking him out cold onto his ass. There he would stay until the cops came and took him away.

A lawyer was rather cunning. For as his mouth began running, he stated how his client could not be held responsible for stealing and kept at his appealing. As his arm was the only thing that reached through the door and stole so his body shouldn't pay the tole. The judge agreed and sentenced his arm to one year in prison for the deed. His body could tag along if it wanted, the judge taunted. The lawyer and the defendant both gave a grin, as the defendant placed his artificial limb on the table and walked out, considering it a win.

Two bandits went to rob a store. One shouted the usual bit of lore. "Nobody move!" he said. This just proves he was messed up in the head. For his partner moved and he shot him. Oh how robbers are so dim.

There were burglars once more this time trying to rob a safe at their shore. But I think they were a tad confused which can be seen from what they used. They tried to cut through the thing with a laser tag gun. Is it any wonder why they never won?

Another robber went up to a cashier one day and demanded all the money from their bay. He got the money and he ran away. But the mastermind left his wallet on the counter for display.

There are so many of these that is just gives the cat fleas. Damn! Some people are really dumb. Their brains must really be in their bum. Anyway, that is the news I found out and just had to give it a shout. Yes, sadly it is all true too. I never made it up for you. Maybe they are so dumb because they eat too much grass? Either way it was quite funny to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.


  1. lol, very nice. :)

    1. Very nice
      That I've seen better crooks that are mice

  2. The lawyer story was the best, an arm only ahead of the rest!

    1. haha yes his body does no harm
      It's all blamed on his arm

  3. The thing about the terrorist sending a bomb and not paying enough is amazing as were the burglar ones and the lawyer one too. Amazing work Pat, love the concept of this.

    1. haha yeah it was not surprising very fun to do
      As some of these crooks just seem to have a loose screw

  4. The one armed man one was the best! But then again using that kind of lasers pretty funny too! and a plexyglass window! lol! You sure used the word bay a lot! Is that not cheating in your rhyming?

    1. hahaha I didn't even notice the bay
      As I was having too much fun with the dumb crook display
      But I guess I did use it a bunch
      Oh well next time I'll leave the bays out to lunch

  5. These can't be true...well the plexi glass I can believe, but the rest? Come on! No one can be that silly!

    I'm with Yeamie...The terrorist one was the best. LOL!!! That's karma for you. hahaha

    and there you go w/ the poor mimes again! Sigh...

    1. LOL have you seen some of the dumb people out there?
      Think about it for a few minutes at your lair
      Now do you still think no one can be that silly?
      Not even some crackpot hillbilly?..haha
      Yep, I never made a single one up
      So each one was an actual criminal hiccup
      At least as far as Lord Google told me
      But with the time change thing we both know Google can sometimes fall out of its royal tree

      LOL yep the terrorist was trying to hide and be reserved
      And he totally got what he deserved

      Those mimes are nothing but trouble
      Bury them in rubble
      Pop their fake bubble
      And do it on the double
      Make them blast off at the speed of light
      If they don't surrender prepare to fight
      And now I've got that in my head
      Oh the dread..haha

    2. I still don't believe you with the time change. I'm going with happy zebra on that one! Google would never lie to me...

      See, that should be the headline of everything. Karma, what it can do! I really think that people get out of the universe what they put into it. Maybe if they saw that, there would far less bad things going on around the world!!

      Omg, you and your fear of mimes! Just b/c they can't speak, doesn't make them evil. Let them live in their invisible box in peace!!!

    3. Hmmm well you know a happy zebra can make time stop
      Unless it tends to umm flop
      Then it might drag on
      Or it could be really happy and last until dawn..LMAO
      Never lie?
      Pfft like all the diseases it gave you making you think you would die?..hahaha
      And you believed me on Polar Bears but not the time?
      That surely is a crime..hahahaha

      Yeah eventually it does come around
      Although some make it into the ground
      Before it comes to pass
      I like to think then they receive a burning to their ass
      And maybe if more did let it come into their view
      A lot less bad crap would ensue

      LOL the cat doesn't like those things
      With their fake wings
      And ugly white face
      Avoiding the rat race
      I'll slam the lid shut on their invisible box
      So they can snack on their invisible socks..haha

    4. Omg, the mime hatred you put on your blog! I'm going to have to start a save the mime convention just to make sure they're safe from rhyming cats...

      Did you really see a polar bear?! Or is this like your big plan to pretend NS really does change their clocks?! What a silly thing for Google to put anyways...why wouldn't NS change their clocks? I just assumed you were located on the date line or something so it wouldn't affect you! hahahaha

    5. haha well that would work for me
      As you would bring them all together you see
      And then the cat would strike
      Making all mimes at once take a hike

      LOL yep I saw a polar bear
      It was standing right next to the unicorn outside my lair
      Well there is a province or two that don't change their clocks
      The don't think the time change rocks
      So they leave it be
      And never change them at their sea
      We aren't one of them though
      Just so you know..haha

      LOL on the date line
      That would be divine
      Then the cat would always be correct 100% of the time
      See what I did there with that chime?..hahaha

    6. Wait a certain people in Canada think it's dumb to change the clocks, so they simply don't? You can't do that!!! That makes me angry! I'm not sure why it makes me mad, but I'm deff not happy about it.

      and LOL @ the date line. Idk it seemed to be the only thing that made sense about not having to change the clocks. Is there even a such thing as a date line?!

    7. Yeah Saskatchewan decided it was a dumb thing to do
      So they simply do not change the clocks view
      That is the only one I know for sure doesn't do it
      I think there may be a state or two that also doesn't take the hit
      So not just some dumb Canadians whining about the time change
      As there may be some down at your range

      LOL there is an international date line at some point
      Not sure if anyone lives near such a joint
      But it is out there
      Maybe I should find it and build a lair

    8. hahahaha Why would you build your lair on the date line!!!! Ok, I'm heading over to google right now!! LOL

    9. Because then I'd be international and right all the time
      That would just be so sublime
      I may even forget each scary mime
      As the clocks always have the correct chime

    10. So the International date line, is actually an international date does that rub ur ocd? Bleh! You can keep your magic time powers. I'll move to the equator. Nicceee and straight! hahaha

    11. hahaha I think I'd rather join you there
      That zigzag would always cause me flack at my lair
      Although magic time powers does sound nice
      Maybe I should think about that twice

  6. dude dumb crook news it the best, the ones with lower IQ than the rest, there was this chick taking a drug test yest-erday that could not understand how she did not pass since she only drank her meth...too bad there are not more stupid terrorist that lack the stamps...

    1. hahahaha oh that is so sad
      I think the drugs have messed with her mind a tad
      And yeah the world would be a better place
      If more return to sender letter cames and blew up in their face

  7. And the moral is.....drumroll........

    Expect unexpected outcomes!!

    1. haha that and crooks are very dumb
      At least some
      As they leave a bread crumb
      And get thrown in jail having to protect their bum..haha

  8. I laughed at the two bandits one, nice post!

    1. haha the two bandits were out to lunch
      A whole friggin' bunch

  9. Replies
    1. Not great today
      I guess I wore it all out yesterday

  10. Replies
    1. You would think
      As this kind of dumbness would bring many to the brink

  11. these news are much more interesting than the CNN ones. I love me a bit of irony :)

    1. haha yes much better news
      Then the crap CNN tries to use

    2. Fox News has a "Stupid Criminal Of The Day" segment, which is always very entertaining.

    3. haha never knew that
      Maybe they'll employ a rhyming cat

    4. did they air the episode in which the feline criminal tries to steal the milk from bear's cave?

    5. Nope, as it was too good for TV
      For the felines got away scot free

    6. ah, that's a fantasy show then :PPP

    7. Pffft you wish
      The fantasy comes when they try to add singing fish

  12. You should totally write a column on this. It's too funny to let these stories go to waste. Lol

    1. A repeat column on my blog?
      About how dumb criminals can be with their minds clouded in fog

  13. really true Pat? is amazing sometimes the things happens in life are more ironical and amazing than novels (lol)

    1. haha yep as far as Google is concerned they are true
      Each and everyone I gave to view
      Sometimes life can be pretty ironical indeed
      Although I think I can top it at my feed

    2. mmmmm Google Pat?? I dont know sometimes is true and other not (lol)

    3. LOL never fear
      I waded through the crap far and near

  14. my oh my
    you just have to give a sigh
    the criminal ones are the best
    they deserve it, no jest.
    "be sure your sins will find you out"
    would be a good shout.

    1. haha yes that is all one can do
      At such the wacko criminal crew
      Get what they deserve in the end
      So that quote would be a good one to use on their trend

    2. Q for you, dear Pat
      go look at your factinary mat. :)

    3. Answered away
      Guess I was being a tad backwards at my bay

    4. keeping me on my toes
      all 10 of them, you know.

    5. haha well looks like it worked
      As your toes perked
      And found the glitch
      Without a hitch

  15. Ah, that clever lawyer. I thought the judge was just going to cut off his arm. I like that better. "Your honor, I did not rape her. My penis did." Excellent! Then let's cut it off and throw it in jail!

    1. LOL that would surely cut the rapist off at the knee
      Or rather the place where they pee

  16. Seriously? Oh my god I cant believe this. You know reading these really makes me feel like Einstein.
    And the couple of ones they should to be nominated for Stella awards.
    And Seals one is agreeable, that is why even PETA agrees that homegrown pets pets cant be just left to fly in wild, they cant survive.

    1. Yeah they are way to domesticated to survive
      And usually never make it out alive
      LOL glad I could make you seem like Einstein too
      That is such fun to do
      Even a slug is an Einstein compared to most of these nuts
      Even mutts sniffing butts..haha

  17. Loved the way you ended your post "Enjoy your winter, smash a printer."
    Only you can do this :P
    BTW.. i was on a break from blogging.. and now when i am back.. i can see how you have changed you blog... nice template i must say :)

    1. haha it's been like that for a while
      You have been gone a long time from my rhyming mile
      And yes only me
      Which causes such glee
      Glad you like the template too
      That I have for all to view

  18. Yes, Pat, some are supremely dumb. That's how they caught some terrorists, when they returned to Ryder Truck for their deposit.

    Dumb and greedy.


    1. haha yeah when the dollar signs show
      Brain cells really do seem to go out the window

  19. haha, this was awesome, reminds me of those shows you used to find once in a while where dumb things people do, and of course the stupid criminal ones are the best- funny stuff. Thanks

    1. haha yeah reminded me of those too
      Such stupid things people do
      When all about greed
      Thinking a crime they need
      And then off to jail they go
      Because they were dumb but at least they put on a show

  20. dumb criminal stories are big for hits
    only sports are bigger. they are the shit!
    i'd be a dumb criminal if i went that route
    i'd say 'stick 'em up!' and everyone buying sodas would hoot
    i'd stammer that i'm serious, making everyone delirious
    they'd hand me over to the authorities by my ear
    i'd leave in the squad car to jeers

    1. hahaha I hope you never turn to a life of crime
      Although the stories would be sublime
      I'd even repeat them in rhyme
      Telling everyone how you got sent up for a nickel or dime

  21. I love reading about stupid criminals. It just brightens my day! That judge's sentence was quite creative.

    1. Too bad it didn't stick
      As it was all one big trick
      His arm must have had fun in jail though
      Sure it put on quite the show

  22. I like the return to sender one

    1. haha yep served him right
      As some dust he was able to bite

  23. And these people call themselves humans?

    1. I bet they were robots in disguise
      Or just really really unwise

  24. The judge must have been shocked by that one! Now I wonder what happened afterwards . . . did he really just let the guy go without his prosthetic?

    1. haha if he had any sense of humor I bet he let him go
      As that was just a too funny not to let him leave the court show

  25. His partner moved and he shot him? hahahahahahahahahahaha Well, you can't say he didn't warn him.

  26. the killer whale stole the show
    the bandits are their own worst foe
    crime stories are sublime
    i'd be the gangsta of botched crime

    1. eddie, you're too sweet to be a gangsta of crime!
      I can see you stealing and then starting to cry.
      Maybe you could be a Robin Hood
      if committing crimes you thought you should. ha.

    2. LOL well you may develop a following because of that
      And become that of legend thanks to the cat

      hahaha him starting to cry
      I'd laugh as he shook his gun at some guy
      Could be Robin Hood though
      Striking the rich a big blow

    3. well, the 'to give to the poor'
      was most appropriate, for sure. :)

    4. Very true
      Although now doesn't seem to be the case in many a rich view

  27. HAHAHA what a great read. I like the robber one.

    1. hahaha yeah the robber one was grand
      As was the hand

  28. Dumb criminal stories always make me grin a bit

    1. As criminals can be a nitwit
      So the grin comes as they aren't a hit

  29. Haha... these remind me of the emails we get doing the rounds of the years 'Darwin' awards... Duhhhh

    1. haha yeah that they do
      As many deserve at least two

  30. I liked the lawyer one especially...crafty

    1. haha yeah very crafty indeed
      Guess judges should take heed

  31. This is definitely the funniest post yet. *wipes tears from eyes*

    1. hahaha what dumb criminals can do
      Making you cry and blurring your view

  32. Replies
    1. Glad you enjoy the post
      From the rhyming host

  33. Oh the stupidity of the human being. A cat wouldn't be caught in any of these predicaments. Although they are terrorists of a sort, but only as a last resort, if we don't do as they please, they might give us fleas.

    Okay Pat, I know that sucked, but it's late so give me a break!!

    1. hahaha yeah and when the fleas
      Get on your knees
      You may go to see the Gawker
      Who is quite the talker
      And it wasn't bad
      Worked well at my pad

  34. you can never run out of dumb people with dumb stories

    1. haha that is sure the truth
      And they are fun to use at my booth

  35. nice work...the bit about the lawyer, I was reading it faster and more aggressively with each new line and eventually, I was pretty much rapping to myself by the end. haha.

    1. hahaha I made you a rapper with my rhyme
      That is so sublime

  36. The cunning lawyer story is awesome. Ha ha.

    1. hahaha yeah that one was really good
      I'm sure many would just that if they could

  37. As Jim Morrison said, 'People are strange...'
    And you've got quite a range
    listed here. :o)
    And thanks for stopping by.

    1. Yeah they are quite strange
      Way way out on the range
      As they are quite dumb too
      To let such things ensue


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