In The Crazies Come With A dVerse Ho And A Hum!

C is for the CUSTOMERS as they are dVerse and will really make you curse. As I'm sure many have seen or been on the other side of the customer divide. "Always right" my little rhyming ass, if they weren't they got some sass. But anyway Pat used to work at a convenience store way back in the day and thought it would be fun to give it a go at my bay. As plenty of nuts came ashore and they literally did along with plenty more. Besides I can't do the ummm people I deal with now they could find out and have a cow. That would be bad, Pat becoming a canned lad.

Zippity Do Dah, Zippity Day,
He sang out as he went to pay.
Even I knew why he was singing that,
I'm not a naive cat.

Gonna win the lottery tonight,
Which she said every night.
Three down and four across,
She heard it from some moss.

It will be a winner,
I'll never be a sinner.
You should look into him too,
Or damned are you.

What? A language I don't know.
(shrugs shoulders and watches down below)
(He makes his hand go)
(And Pat gets it giving an Ohhh)

Take your big purse and your scrawny ass,
Out the door little lass.
Not falling for your sting,
And getting fined at my wing.

I like boys, I really do.
(He said with a drunk view)
Right! Take your drunk ass out the door,
(Pat had a big knife ready to gore.)

Walk in and grab a thing or two,
Then walk out right in my view.
Got your license plate schmuck,
You really are a dumb umm truck.

Do you have such and such a flick?
Why yes we do you dick.
Know where it is on the shelf?
Right next to the one with the magic elf.

Really I don't know,
You'll have to look for it to show.
Pat really did know though
Right down to the spot on the row.

Put it was fun making the crazies yelp,
The nice ones got the help.
I'm in a commercial for a dollar store,
She smiled as she strutted through the door.

Pfft whoopdi friggin doo,
Her smile no longer grew.
She stomped on out
Then came back in to shout.

You talking about me?
Umm no, I have better things to do at my sea.
I know you were talking about me,
Get over yourself and let me be.

No, Pat was not at all,
As she stomped back down the hall.
The pain in the ass cow,
With the one eye brow.

What's under the box?
Pass it by as it was made by a dog not a fox.
She snuck out and left a present on the floor,
I guess she wanted to explore.

Is there a difference between this milk and that?
Both nasty to Pat.
Maybe they come from a different cow,
What? How should I know? Don't raise your eyebrow.

And so many more came,
Some crazy, some tame.
But these ones came to mind first.
So they got worked into my burst.

Glad I don't do that anymore at my shore. Makes the current one seem better just thinking about that. So I guess I can be thankful for that at my work mat. Although the others did make for good post material and yeah all were the real deal. Now the cat is done with his convenience pass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.


  1. LMAO What do you mean?? You didn't like that old man making moves on you??? hahahahaha

    A few weeks ago I'm writing up a customer's dry cleaning ticket when he starts going on and on about how we need a tailer. I told him that we already have one. He got so excited! He opened up a grocery store bag to show his DIRTY underwear that had a hole in it. Could we stitch it up since it was near the seam? I said hell no, and he started yelling about how he would think we would want business. My daddy saved me from that one, but really? Your underwear??? For the price of tailoring, buy a new damn pair!

    P.S. What was the present she left you? LOL!!!!!

    1. LOL no that was the lowest point of working there
      When that drunk nut came in eyeing me at my work lair..haha

      LMAO oh that would be just nasty in every way
      But maybe they were lucky underwear at play
      He need that hole stitched up so the luck didn't run out
      And you made the poor guy pout and shout..hahaha
      hahahaha you never know what one will pull from a grocery store bag
      Next time ask why first and you may not get to see underwear looking like an old rag...haha

      Lets say the house was attached to the store
      And the she was a dog that like to go on the floor
      So can you guess the present she left when she got out to play
      Each and every time at the work bay..haha

    2. bow chica bow woww...wait, what? LOL

      Do you have a grocery store bag horror story? Sounds like someones been scarred for life!

    3. LOL well I can look up the now prob 70 year old man if you like
      And see if he wants to come down to NY for a hike
      Won't bow chica bow woww then I bet
      As he is scary even to this pet..hahaha

      I'm sure somethings have come from a grocery bag at my sea
      But nothing that scarring that can be remembered by me

    4. Please, there are enough creepers here. Besides, girl code says that I can't take another friend's man. Did you miss that post??? LMAO!!!!!!

    5. LMAO oh but you are allowed in this case
      I hear this friend is willing to share the man and even give him away to your place..haha

  2. Replies
    1. I only got a nice today
      Geez guess he had to switch it up at my bay

    2. LOL that is a much better word
      See R is just absurd

    3. really they were just nice today, not at all great or fantastic, really and truly!

    4. Poor R
      he does make us roar
      with laughter here
      far and near.
      Are his posts that short
      when he gives a retort
      should go see for myself
      what he says at his shelf.

    5. I'd rate this an awesome bordering on fantastic

    6. haha well if it was really and truly
      I guess I want to be unruly

      He says a lot at his shelf
      Must be his secret blogging elf
      Or a copy and paste
      Maybe his words he just doesn't like to waste..haha

      Well that beats R too
      Just look at you

  3. haha this reminds me of clerks a bit, not a huge hit, more cult, but oy injury to insult sometimes with the crazy ones, very interesting too the ones you pulled out the loo to dust off for this now i have to go take a

    1. see...there he goes with the potty talk again
      Didn't he deny this once with a grin?

    2. Yeah I've seen that one too
      Oh the stories that could come due
      Maybe I could do a book on that
      Would be interesting at my mat

      Yep there your twin goes once more
      With the potty talk he never ever does at my shore..haha

    3. well he does have two little boys
      so we'll blame them for his noise
      I'm sure it's all about burps and farts
      when he's not in his poetry cart.

    4. haha yeah that is very true
      For that is what they do
      And I'm sure Brian likes it too
      Even if he tries to pretend it isn't true

    5. oh, you know he does
      that's why at your mat it's all the buzz.
      lol. Did I mention he's the younger twin?
      yep, and less mature than I've ever been.
      Oh, I'm in trouble if he comes back to read
      but he rarely does so I feel safe indeed.

    6. Yeah he's too busy hopping about here and there
      At every other lair
      So I suppose you are safe from him
      Unless he comes back on a whim
      And sees his twin taking him down
      Then he might return to fart town

  4. hahaha... old man making a move at you was really weird ;)

    1. LOL you are telling me
      That was really freaky

  5. I agree with you Pat that there is nothing less irritating than ignorant customers, nothing annoys me more than hearing some of the stories I do.

    1. hahaha yeah they are really a pain
      But thankfully I never popped a vein
      Even though some I wanted to smack
      For causing me flack

  6. Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I hope you would have helped me
    Cause I would have helped you.

    1. Oh I'm sure I would have helped you
      For nothing nasty would have came due
      So you would have got wanted you wanted
      And I never would have taunted

  7. "yes we do you dick"
    what? what? Come again? You knew I would notice that one on my naughtiness radar!

    1. LMAO it wasn't meant that way
      But Dez you just reminded me of a whole other thing at my work bay
      I can't believe I forgot all about those dirty movies they had there
      And I mean they had a TON at my work lair
      Oh the customers that came through for those
      Some would curl your toes hahaha

    2. enough with the toes, I strictly forbade you by my Imperial Decree to mention toes and toenails again!

    3. You said zombie feet
      You never said toes or toenails were off limits at my beat

    4. uh oh Dez...Pat read the fine print
      of that contract that you sent
      better add toes and nails
      and even the knuckle hairs.

    5. See I read all
      Here at my hall
      So the toes I can use
      To continue to abuse

  8. Traditionally epic rhymes. Unfortunately I can't rhyme ;_;

  9. Even despite the length (I usually skip longer pieces) I could not stop reading you. That was fun to read :)

    1. Yeah the cat can go on and on
      Here at his lawn
      But glad I could suck you in
      And it was fun at my bin

  10. You really have a violent side, too.
    What? A bat behind the counter wasn't good enough for you?
    Had to be able to stab them through and through?
    That is just eeew.

    This reminds me of what customers say
    when you ask them where their car payments lay.
    As they are behind 3 payments
    and you are there for the wheels, they lament.
    saying all kinds of things to you
    hoping you'll ignore what's due.

    1. LMAO I have no idea why the knife was there to this day
      But it was big and scary enough to keep them away
      Plus a bat would be harder to swing
      Where as the knife you could just fling

      hahaha oh I'm sure you have a ton too
      As you repo-ed their cars while they were on the loo
      That would be fun for an R post
      Over at the sea you host
      What happens when you repo a car
      Sure it could go far

    2. fling the knife you say?
      didn't know you would go all kung fu at the convenience store bay. ha.

      never happened while they were on the loo
      but one time one was in bed making whoopie, too.
      kinda funny when he ran out to stop me
      pretty obvious what was going on at his sea.

    3. haha I never said I could hit them though
      As it was mostly just for show
      LMAO caught him with his pants down
      You should really do that for R at your town.

    4. well he had his pants back up
      but let's just say there was a spot
      could have rivalled that blue dress
      that got Bill Clinton in such a mess.

    5. LOL were you being a peeping repo
      As you lurked about his show
      Sure it was quite the fright
      Or maybe you liked the sight..hahaha

    6. Gosh, no I didn't do that!
      that's how he came to the door at his shack
      with his girlfriend in hall
      didn't take much brains to figure it out and all.

    7. hahaha likely story
      Seeing them in all their glory
      But that is the perfect time to repo their car
      For as they humpty hump you can get far

    8. I should write a book
      at my nook.
      Stories From A Repo Girl, Sure To Make Your Nose Curl.

    9. Hey there is an idea that would sell
      You should do that at your cell

  11. Maybe it is your irresistible new look!

    1. Maybe it is now
      But that was before that he made me have a cow

  12. Some customers can truly be memorably strange, the stuff of bright colors against earth-toned life. I like only earth tones.

    1. Yeah strange they can be
      And I have had many
      Earth tones are better than life
      That goes out of their way to cause you strife

  13. I am glad I have found your blog, I enjoy it :-)

    A-Z 2012 (#49) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Poetry
    A-Z 2012 (#861) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Haiku

    1. Glad you enjoy the blog
      And aren't you glad it's not done by a dog?

  14. ah You Pat.....really I would say a lot of things but only I will say.
    have a nice day lol

    1. LOL what are afriad to speak today?
      hahaha oh score one for my bay

    2. Im not afraid only have a headache:( xxxx

    3. Time to pop a pill
      Get rid of it, it will

  15. You're such a stud, even the men take their chances with you, but we know you love Kate!

    1. The drunk men who are like 40 years older than me
      Blah is all I can say to that at my sea
      Yep Kate wins every time
      That is surely not a crime

    2. that's what happens when he wiggles his tail at everyone :)

    3. At least they dont step on my tail
      That would make the cat wail

  16. Well, one good thing...the crazies probably made the days go faster; and definitely give you fodder for rhymes!

    1. haha yeah that is very true
      The days went faster when they came into view
      And surely gives me stuff to rhyme
      Even if they weren't sublime

  17. You say crazy almost like it's a bad thing! lol (oh, and thanks for the ride Captain!)

    1. LOL the captain was happy to help with the ride
      And we here take crazy with pride

  18. Pat hates customers
    though how does he dare?
    Though crazy,
    the kooks
    paid your bus fare.

    There's a C word you missed calling them Cat. It starts with a C and ends with a t.

    1. haha I got a bus pass from the school
      So they didn't need to pay for that as a rule
      Then again the school prob charged me for that as well
      And Cat could not be used as everyone would have guessed that at my cell..haha

  19. Pfft whoopdi friggin doo,

    the wonder...

    the wonder of you :)

    1. haha one does wonder about me
      As I am quite crazy
      But whoopdi friggin doo
      Is all I can say to that whether or not it is true

  20. Only YOU crazy cat could get away with making Flick rhyme with dick!
    Whoopdi friggin do... had me giggling out loud here.
    I didn't like the sound of the knife tho...glad I wasn't one of your old customers, I would have hated to be wrong ;)

    1. hahahaha I am crazy enough to make anything rhyme
      Even the odd feck isn't a crime
      Always fun to pull out the whoopdi friggin doo
      And never fear I'm sure no knife would be pulled on you

  21. hehe...somehow i knew that it was right next to the one with the magic always smiles

    1. Yeah all they had to do is look a little bit more
      And they would have seen it right there between the magic elf and the alien gore

  22. Gas station clerk is something I could never be.

    If they ever tried to hire me I'd show up absentee.

    1. Yeah would never do the gas
      That can kiss my little rhyming ass

  23. I once did the full service thing
    and cringed when I heard that bell ring
    but it was work I could condone
    for pretty girls seldom pump their own

    1. Never did the full service crap
      That is a whole other lap
      For all those gas germs would scare me
      So that job I will leave to thee

  24. I wish you could be my English teacher haha.

    1. haha not sure much would be taught
      But all would rhyme a lot

  25. I'm sure you encountered great stories working there. Too funny.

    1. Yep stories were surely found
      And many more abound

  26. Watch out! Pat's packin'! Not a rod but a blade!

    1. haha it was a big one too
      So it could scare all on view

  27. haha, this made my morning, a stroll down memory lane of bad jobs i once worked... a dumb truck... you talking to me?... i can see a customer announcing she is going to win the lottery every night. haha:) i used to stuff newspapers at a convenience store and i watched everyone from the neighborhood line up for their lottery tickets. i don't remember anyone announcing they would win. i myself would always convince myself that i had the winning ticket. i'd get the quick pick. i could feel it was going to win. yeah, i told myself that. yeah, i never did win:)

    1. Oh there were tons of them that came in saying they were going to win
      Because they had some lucky this, that or the other thing home at their bin
      But no one ever did win at all
      Besides the odd few dollars and they'd have better luck at the bingo hall
      I convinced myself a time or two I would win too
      But sadly it never came due just like you

  28. oh my you make me laugh.
    whoopdi friggin doo... i'm going to have to find a way to use that tonight...

    1. It is easier to use than one may think
      Just wait until something brings you to the brink

  29. Those sound like horror stories.

    1. haha that they very well could be
      To bad Pat has so many

  30. I worked at a convenience store once, way, way back when, well actually it was more like a gas station that also sold lottery tix and beer. But I only lasted 3 days, as, like you say, the crazies are for real.. I couldn't take them, put me to the brink, to make matters worse there was a group home right next door, so not only did I have to deal with their not-understanding and without being insensitive all the other stuff they did and do, I couldn't even be mad at them because I understood and felt a sense of bad too. So yeah, out the door I did, that third day when the mgr was cussing about some potato chip display messed up, so dropped the smock and out the door I went. The following friday I went back for that mini check and that mgr jerk said I didn't earn it, luckily I just threatened to sue, so paid up he did. Man, brought back the memories here.

    So, looking back it wasn't as bad as I made it then, but it still sucked. Nothing as cool like Clerks, or even that lame remake Clerks 2.

    Great job getting this all out of me, saved me some future therapy lol

    1. hahaha wow those were quite the eventful three days
      I too would have quit in so many ways
      Never had anything as bad as that
      Plus Pat was related to the owner at his work mat
      So he never bitched at me
      For anything I did at my work sea
      Meaning I got lucky
      Besides for ever other customer being a crazy
      And glad I saved you some money
      On the future therapy..hahaha

  31. What? A language I don't know.
    (shrugs shoulders and watches down below)

    lol that's what i do when I walk into my spansh class

    1. LMAO hey it works real well
      Then you just wait to hear the bell

  32. There were some real winners in that store. I never worked at a convenience store, but I did work in retail and as a waitress, so I can somewhat relate.

    1. Yeah I'm sure you had quite a few
      As many in both of those surely come due

  33. Nice customers! I've had to deal with a few crazies in my retail career. I especially hated the old toothless men who came in smelling like onions and garlic.

    1. Blah they don't sound like a treat one bit
      Would give my ocd quite the fit

  34. Working in a convenience store must be busier than Saturday night at the ER on the rez. A slice of life. Stuff the movies can't make up.

    1. Yeah it did get busy at times at such a place
      As the crazies sure came in at a steady pace

  35. The customers you get come and go,
    some crazies, some spinning off at a drop,
    unfortunately, I now work in a cube,
    so i don't hear much complaining, except
    when i make a mistake, then its ooopsss :-)

    1. hahaha yeah I hear that too
      But still plenty of whiners come due
      As they want this and that
      From poor old money handling Pat

  36. You must think in rhymes! I am always amazed when I read your work--and I always chuckle--deeply! Unfortunately, I suck at rhymes

    1. haha sometimes I do
      But I can usually turn it off on cue
      And always good to get a chuckle at my sea
      For that is enjoyed by me

  37. it's sad that I read the "whats under the box" line like I was Brad Pitt/Det. Mills from Seven. ha

    1. Yes it is very very sad
      That you resembled that Brad Pitt lad..haha

  38. for some reason "take your drunk ass to the door" and what you are trying to say really stand out here :0

    opportunity on mars

    1. hahaha I guess they just go hand and hand
      Isn't that grand

  39. Replies
    1. And it stays on every day
      As I always rhyme at my bay

  40. Too funny. I'm sure you echo the thoughts of so many checkout sales assistants, Pat. Imagine if you read this out loud to one of the annoying customers.

    1. haha they'd prob sue me for slander or something like that
      Then I'd be a poor broke Pat and cat..haha

  41. Ha ha...another great one :)

  42. So, scratching lottery didnt pay off?

    1. Nope they never won
      But I did a ton
      Shhh don't tell
      They may toss me in a cell

  43. Minding the store
    Is no mean feat
    You get utterly sore
    Not just at the feet
    They come with requests
    Without bother to search
    At their own behest
    Get you off your perch
    Can't be fussy
    Your patience put to test
    If they leave happy
    You've done your best!


    1. I suppose if they leave happy
      Unlike a certain Flappy
      One has done their best
      Although they are quite the pest

  44. Zippity Do Dah, Zippity Day, my oh my what a wonderful day...

    1. I suppose it was better than most
      For your host

  45. Customers are why I dont work in customer service.

    1. haha yeah that would be a good reason
      Not to commit such a treason

  46. Your rhyming really rules
    You've got all the tools
    And brains to make it flow
    Responding, I've given it a go.

    It is not as easy as you make it seem
    I guess one could only dream
    To be so talented in poetry, rhyme, and all that
    So, I'll just leave it up to Pat Hatt and the Cat!

    Cheers, Jenn

    1. Not a bad job at all
      As you rhyme at my hall
      For me it just comes out
      No idea how with each shout
      But I give it a hum
      From my little rhyming bum

  47. Dare I say, "now that's customer service"? What's the world gotten to with a cat serving up such looney tunes? :)

    1. hahaha say it all you like
      For if they didn't like my service I told them to take a hike..haha

  48. Another resounding pounding from the rhyming pen of playful Pat Hatt.

    1. And as I pound
      I did not even have to go round and round

  49. LOL. Jobs like that do produce great tales
    as one views many whose lives are fails.

    Love the new "closer"... I thought we were having an oniline fling this spring? :)

    1. Yeah some great stuff comes
      From those dum dums
      Bah the online flings aren't as fun
      Need to get out under the sun

    2. Well, come on over to Cali.
      We'd be glad to have thee.


  50. What? A language I don't know.
    (shrugs shoulders and watches down below)
    (He makes his hand go)
    (And Pat gets it giving an Ohhh)

    Are you saying what I think you're saying? Are you serious?

    You got his license plate? Hahahaha! As in Zippity Do Dah in jail now? That dumb fffffffftruck.

    The one eyebrow.... hahahaha!

    My Angie works in some store selling chocolates and posh cakes and some old fart once said she looked dangerous because she wasn't white. Can you believe that sh@t? Man, I'd be in jail for shooting my customers.

    1. Yes he was looking for condoms that day
      And made his hand go a certain way..LOL
      I'm sure he is out and about now though
      But yep he went to the don't drop the soap show
      That is just pathetic to say
      He deserves a slap upside the head anyday
      I felt like bashing them in their ugly mug a time or two
      But thankfully I restrained myself from ever letting it come due

  51. Pat--
    Better late than never,
    your rhymes are forever;
    you're always the first
    to visit my verse,
    but feel free to stop by whenever.

    1. Late is okay
      Here at my bay
      And always the first is fun
      As I like giving first first everyone is worst a run..haha


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