We Find Some Hicks With Number Six!

The scaries are back once more here at my shore for another encore, which I fear will go on forever more. But it makes for such fun that once in a while it has to be done and so here we go with another search engine show.

The Hicks Perform Tricks!

"stamp blow job"

Hmm how do you think a stamp can do that? Does an empty one that is rather fat go over the you know and as you push in it gives a blow?

"bunny screw death"

You screwed the poor bunny to death? Are you out of breath? Did it at least enjoy it? Hmm I don't want to know, ignore that last bit.

"reproduction gas can"

Wow! You made a can that can reproduce gas. Now that is impressive to my little rhyming ass. Can it make the noise too? Tell me it's true.

"things you/can make/that/are/funny"

Bravo! You did the trick you poor little hick. For by typing that you are right on the money and oh so funny. I laugh with you not at you. I swear it is true.

The Hicks Give Condom Tricks!

"in the mind of a condom"

A condom has a mind? Wow, that must have been quite the find. I thought it just found the hole and that was its only goal.

"boys balls condom"

They make those too? Hmph, who knew? Are they snug as a bug in a rug or do they tug? I bet you tested them out on some poor pug.

"without a condom rage comic"

So if you don't have one to get your jollies on you leave her there and read Spawn? You realize spandex on paper with some guy stopping a caper will ruin the mood and you are just being rude?

"ugly animals with glasses on"

Ummm just because it is hairy does not mean you pet the fairy or whatever animal you think it is. Maybe you need a non redneck quiz.

"quiet eruptions"

If only you didn't type it as well and find my rhyming cell then all could have remained on the down low. But now about your eruptions all know.

Hick Advice That Will Make You Think Twice!

"escaping through the door she's created as the house behind them"

Do you think there is a point in there? Anywhere? Somewhere? Who would type such a thing? I guess it means if you see a hick run before the doorbell can ring.

"he let out bad fart very gross coughing it is lingering"

So this is what you do with a bad fart? Cough as it lingers and wait for it to part. Maybe that is some solid advice. It must be for you typed the damn thing twice.

"how to keep rats away by cleaning"

Typical hick, giving us the title to the flick but forgetting the info needed to stop such an act. I guess that is just another hick fact.

"glowy makes you glow"

Now that is some solid advice there. Try it if you dare. You need to find some glowy and you can glow. Be sure to spread it on from head to toe.

"pull the blanket over my head and make it go away"

How to get rid of anything from view. You don't need to flush it down the loo. Just grab a blanket and stick it over your head. The psycho axe murder won't be there anymore to make you dead.

"breath dang you"

Yeah forget such things as CPR. Just yell that to all of those near and far. They will come back to life with ease thanks to your stench filled breeze.

"three two one let it rip"

Count down from three before letting it rip at your sea. That is how it must be done in order to count for lingering and coughing fun. Aren't you glad you know that now? If you already did take a bow.

"you ate glue"

That is just eww. Why would you eat glue? Better yet why type such a thing telling me? Do I look like I care if your sixty year old self pretends to be three?

"all pogs goto heaven"

I always wondered where pogs went when they died. I admit I even cried. Those poor pogs have such a rough life. All that slamming had to have caused them such strife.

"making toilet paper"

I do not want to know what you use. I will declare you the toilet paper muse. The leaves, the newspaper and the odd used condom to wipe I promise never to type. Oops I guess I blew that. Blame it on Pat.

And the winner at my sea for the sixth time this has been done by with glee.

"how to get a gap between your thighs"

Yeah there is no answer but don't shake your fist for there is a twist. It seems some hick friends came back and told me how to do such a thing at my shack.

fat on the inside of your thighs
hairless rabbit
snowman ass
naked old hags
weiner with fur

Did you get all of that? Don't worry I will be nice and interpret for you at my mat. So the hicks guide to get a gap between your thighs is to, and remember this is all true:

Grab the fat on the inside of your thighs and if that is hard, pretend it is french fries. Then find a hairless rabbit to view and please fight the urge to screw. Next place it in a snowman ass I guess you'll have to wait for summer and fall to pass. Then surround it with naked old hags, if too saggy you can cover them up with grocery bags. Now insert a weiner with fur and listen to them purr. And voila! You may now be a tad raw but you have a gap between your thighs. Aren't those hicks wise?

No hicks or rednecks were harmed in the making of this post although they may soon come for your host. I may have to lie low or suffer a bunny screwing type blow. Oh that is a nasty thought as was all of this a whole lot. Who types this stuff? Forming a coherent thought for them must be rough. Either way the sixth time has come to pass and they are still just as insane to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.


  1. Funny, every single one of them. Why do get dejavu feeling, I have read all this at your mat, bay?

    1. haha because there are alot of nuts
      That sniff more than butts
      Like glue
      Which is just ewww

  2. I confess to being speechless.

    1. LOL wow the hicks did well
      To leave you speechless at my cell

  3. I never knew pogs died

    Everytime I lost mine though I cried

    1. haha mine are in the closet buried good and deep
      I had a whole heep

  4. "escaping through the door she's created as the house behind them"

    I feel like I'm just not conceptually smart enough to understand what this person meant...

    Now I'm left to ponder on it for the rest of the day to come up with some type of answer for what the lady was seeking outside the door...dammit Pat!!

    It also left me thinking of that old Zebra song from the 80's Who's Behind The Door? *shaking my fist*

    1. LMAO all from a hick
      They don't think quick
      So you may never know
      What the hell they were trying to make show
      Who would even type that?
      Very worry some to the cat

    2. Are you telling me this isn't some type of psychological puzzle to be worked out? That I can now give my mind a rest?

    3. You might want to work through it
      If you get the right answer though it may mean you are somewhat hick a bit

    4. Been pondering it all day and I figured out who was behind the door...but when I went to let them in, they were so tired of waiting - they left....

    5. Oh well that was pretty unproductive then
      At least you didn't have to let any germy hicks in your den

  5. I think I'm doing it wrong, because this rabbit has a ton of hair, and this weiner has no fur. Also, the rabbit has very sharp teeth, and I might need medical attention. Advice?

    1. Hmmm well the cat's advice
      Would be to start out with something small like mice
      Then work your way up to the hare
      That way you'll have built up some tolerance to it at your lair

  6. LMAO at making toilet paper~!!!!! How does one make toilet paper? So you've had the secret this entire time and you didn't share with the class?! I'm insulted!!! I demand to know your secrets!!! I have a lot of mimes to supply TP for you know.

    1. Hey the cat didn't look it up
      So ask the hick who's prob a butt sniffing pup
      Then maybe you can find your TP
      And get tons and tons for free
      Although I'd wrap those mimes
      For their awful crimes

    2. Well, since you ate so much of it I thought you would know how make it home made ;)

    3. Pfft does pooping it out and then using it again count?
      If so I can have quite the amount

  7. My oh my. These are the things people googled and found your blog with? LOL

    1. Yep this is how they find the blog
      As they go through the fog

  8. Don't think I've ever done a countdown before letting it rip but that might be fun to try sometime. Everyone will be thinking what the hell is going to happen, until its too late.

    1. LMAO yeah that would surely be the thing to try
      And then make all their noses die

  9. Thanks for the explenation on how to get a gap between your thighs thats important information that I'll need to know!

    Mostly though I'm glad to hear pogs go to heaven, I loved them I did, glad to hear they're resting up on the clouds for ever and ever!

    1. LOL glad you could use the hick info at my sea
      As it just had to be shown by me
      And yeah they are resting comfortably up there
      In the oh so cloudy air

  10. cat, just to report that I haven't understood a single thing here today :) but I would love to see boy balls condoms, you must try that out for us and give the world a video report on it.

    1. Ummm I don't know if that is disturbing or funny
      Hmmmm I guess as long as you don't pay money..haha

  11. The pogs one stole the show
    just so you know. :)

    1. Surprised you know what pogs are
      There at your bar..haha

    2. Well, I didn't have any myself
      sitting on a shelf.
      Aren't they little discs?
      If I'm wrong you're going to hiss.
      Weren't they from decades ago?
      Do you have a collection to show?
      I suppose if that isn't true
      a huge teasing will come from you.
      maybe I should have looked them up
      before I typed all this here at your cup.

    3. haha yep they were little cardboard like round things
      That all had in their wings
      And you'd slam bigger ones down
      And watch as they flew all over town
      Flipping some over to keep
      And yeah I had a whole heap
      So you were sorta right
      And sounded sorta bright..haha

    4. haha...oh good that's a relief
      maybe nanny still has yours at her reef
      orlin would love to give them a chew
      and maybe cassie, too!

    5. haha yeah there are still there
      In the closet somewhere
      And Cassie would be the one to chew
      Before Orlin had such a thing come due

  12. how t keep rats away by cleaning....lol that fits your place for sure, the way you OCD your shore, but dang i bet that bunny hurts, poor thing screwed brains....jeez dude this is kinda scary, some hits you might want to bury...and i am late today back to the mid pack, but i will be back...

    1. Yeah you lose your first
      With a late burst
      But then these were scary indeed
      So you might have had to rolls your eyes a bit before leaving a comment on my feed

  13. The Hicks Give Condom Tricks is probably my favourite rhyme this time, stellar work as usual though Pat, love it.

    1. haha yeah some nut had such things to say
      Really is nasty some that come to my bay..haha

  14. I am so glad that no rednecks were harmed. I would have to take that one personally.

    1. Yeah I didn't want to offend
      At least too much as hate mail all could send..haha

  15. hahaha with that disclaimer… I love that. Search engine extravaganza, The scaries surely do swing by your bay, fun to think what they thunk, perhaps some have the intelligence of a tree trunk, but it's all good, for your rhymes make their inaneness shine. Fun as always, these chimes are

    1. haha yeah always fun to give them a go
      God know what they think when they find my show
      But it makes for a fun spiel
      And even better as they are all real

  16. LOL.

    For all the optimization people talk about, search keywords can be pretty irrelevant. At least for blogs. :P

    1. Yeah a ton are sheer crap
      But it makes for a fun rhyming lap

  17. Whoa. Dude, this is perverse stuff. And people found your blog through this? Oy!

    1. Yep find it through this all the time
      Typing some of that should be a crime

  18. Okay so, where do hicks live again, just so's I can make a note never to pay a visit. LOL
    Now, I think I have a headache... Haha

    1. LOL down south somewhere
      In the middle of the US lair..haha

  19. bunny screw death and petting hairy fairies
    all is well and good at your bay, nice and merry
    search engine crap came through
    i'm not in the mood for stew

    1. haha yeah that doesn't paint a picture to eat
      And even if he did, it certainly would not be a treat

  20. see this is why i never trusted a condom...always thought they had a mind on their own..ha

    1. LOL yeah those things seem to grow
      All on their own when they are to show

  21. I'm laughing so hard I can't think of something to type, other than ditto on what Claudia said. :)


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