The Eyes Have It With This Fit!

So a little while ago old one eye did a post to Pat and the cat at her show. She was so nice to him that the cat wanted to heave up a hairball and things were looking grim. But then the cat got plenty of exposure as well, so I didn't have to go through coughing hell. Since old one eye was so nice I thought I could send her some fuzzy dice, which would be infested with fleas to bite her knees. But then it hit me, let's help her see and get her an eye transplant. This way she can have two eyes to see when she goes on some very very very long rant. Then maybe it will come into her view that we need a break to go to the loo. So away we go, on with the show.

So Elsie is currently like this,
A one eye you can't miss.
I guess at least people will stop and stare,
For that horrid thing is truly rare.

But what can one do,
With an eye that belongs in a zoo,
Right between the huge pile of elephant poo,
And the port a pottie loo?

Why with technology today,
She can join the two eyed fray.
But there are only certain donors out there,
All of which were tracked down to show at my lair.

You got the crossed eyed bloke,
Who looks like he is about to choke.
Man eyes for her,
Oh that'd surely make her words slur.

The ones the spilt the sight,
Between each one take flight.
The glasses come free,
So she can look like some old bitty.

Some newborn eyes,
Would give her a younger disguise.
Too bad the wrinkles would show,
And everyone would know.

The stretchy eyes,
Could surely tell lies.
As she has to stare to the sky,
Once again with the eyes of a guy.

The plastic eyes come cheap,
And can seduce a creep.
But they can't move one bit,
So she'd be known as the staring nitwit.

She could let out her inner Hulk,
And they come in bulk.
So just incase they pop,
She can get more with a quick pit stop.

The droopy eyes will get her love,
Or maybe a quick shove.
As no one wants to put up with a whiner,
They'd leave her out behind a diner.

Tarsier eyes are also available for a price,
But she may get some lice.
As they make her face grow hair,
Then she could join the circus being oh so rare.

And finally her last option,
Is a cat eye adoption.
But sadly this one was tested before,
And now the person is blind at their shore.

For you don't mess with a cat,
And be all nice to Pat.
Or you get the stink eye,
And I make you fry.

Now wasn't that fun? I wonder which one old one eye will get done? I bet the angry eyes would come in handy now, as she could be having a cow. Such fun at my sea and surely causes me glee. But even with two eyes in her view, she'll always be a one eyed lass to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.


  1. there are some really freaky eyes out there
    crazy enough to forget a bad cut on the hair
    esp those that can pop them out
    make you want to run & shout

    i might stick to the one
    that way she cant double fist the stink eye gun

    1. LOL and being first you didn't even brag
      I guess with the eye tag
      You were scared away to fast
      Sure that won't last

  2. Whoa at all the eyes staring at me this morning ~

    And Elsie got nice lovely eyes, Pat ~

    Good morning ~

    1. Yeah they have a freaky glare
      As they continue to stare

    2. See how Heaven sticks up for you wretched cat??

    3. Heaven is nice and lovey dovey to all
      At each hall
      Unlike me
      Or thee

  3. Yikes, what a sight to wake up to this morning!!

    1. Well have to make sure you're wide awake
      And this surely takes the cake

  4. I think Elsie might be better off just remaining a cyclops! Those are some freaky eyes!

    1. That seems to be the consensus so far
      So she will be a cyclops at my bar

  5. 'Spanish Eyes',Tom Jones hit
    Looks like Pat had missed it
    Eyes so dreamy
    Or one so sultry
    Would obviously turn the heat


    1. Never heard that one
      Here under my sun
      At least that I can recall
      And with heat some of those eyes would surely make it stall

  6. These eyes are all scary, their sight is not making me merry. I'd love to stay here and maybe have a few beers but these eyes made me leave, sorry very.

    1. LOL now the cat knows how to scare you away
      Just in case the need arises at his bay haha

  7. Beg your pardon!
    A host of them
    Julio,Willie Nelson
    among them
    Not Jones,was mistaken!


    1. Well no problem with the mistake
      That many sure takes the cake
      Maybe I have heard it a time or two
      Prob have just didn't know the name in view

  8. Creepy they may be
    my dear lads and lasses.
    But without them, you see
    where'd we put our glasses?

    1. haha I suppose that is true
      But some don't need them for view
      Unlike a lot of the masses
      They just have fat asses

    2. That may be true
      for those without class.
      And have a view
      from their head up their ass.

    3. Not sure much of a view
      Would really come due
      As it'd even be hard to sit
      Plus their nose would smell like shit

  9. eyes number 7 are yours, cat, no point in denying it, while mine are 9 when me is acting all sad :)

    1. Pfft the cat has his own
      Doesn't need the hulk ones when he gives a groan
      And a walrus with those sad eyes
      Would surely be a zoo worthy prize

    2. no point denying it, eyes number seven are your eyes when you poo, cat!

    3. The cat squints a bit more
      When such an act is done at our shore

  10. This is why my ode to the cat was full of rage
    You're always ready with a war to wage.
    Not a nice bone within your flea bitten skin,
    It's okay, Elsie shall always win!
    I prefer the cyclops Pat drew for me
    then the ones provided at your sea
    Even with a stolen green eye
    My beauty, you cannot belie!

    1. Pfft the cat can do whatever he wishes
      Next times you be one eyed two headed fishes
      Then the cat will serve you up on a plate
      Such a miserable fate
      For the cat can't be beat
      You will suffer defeat
      No matter the rage
      Of course I can be stopped for a different kind of wage
      But it would have to be a whole lot
      As the cat can be bought haha

    2. the Alliance is shocked with this abominable attack on our lady general Elsie. We shall respond later today with an official press release and the privy council of my Intergalactic Naughtiness will convene this evening (As soon as my co/ruler wakes up from her beauty slumber)

    3. Pfft it just gives me more fame
      And we know you are too tame
      So have to wait for the irish dame
      To come here and flame hahaha

    4. See how my Alliance gathers round
      and with verbal fists they will pound!
      Watch your rhyming ass you wretched cat
      the Alliance is headed towards your mat.

    5. Good!
      Come they should
      As then the poo cans will fly
      And hit you in your one eye
      Along with a flea or two
      That will make a poka dot thing out of you

    6. I am not alliance but Elsie is my friend!
      I come to put the cat to its pitiful end!
      Run little kitty as this big dog barks!
      Just keep to yourself, no little smart ass remarks!

      Go dig, squat and bury in your own pile of poo!
      Disgusting is such, the things you cats do!
      Go little kitty, go lick your own ass!
      You can win this battle, the Alliance has more brass!

    7. I've already left a firecracker under his mat and he jumped like a squirell when it exploded under his rhyming bum a few seconds ago.... you should've seen the glorious allied revenge, Elsie!

    8. and Ser Willy Danzel shall be given a medal at the allied court after this brave defence of our lady general Elsie!

    9. While Dan may not claim any side
      I appreciate him protecting my little hide
      Dezz is right, he is worthy of a golden medal
      and with it some sort of flowery petals
      It seems that Dezz has blown up your ass
      And to us the winnings shall be passed!

    10. Umm what goes near my ass
      Either gets killed by gas
      Or sucked right in
      To it's never ending abyss bin
      So you may try and claim a win
      And give old Worqueen Dan a pin
      But the bigger the dog
      The bigger the log
      He will leave for you alliance cronies to step on
      Plus lick his big dog ass on your lawn!

    11. ewww, cat, your comments feels like a dirty porn .....

    12. You didn't record the fire cracker, Dez? That would have been fun to see :)

    13. I will not get that close your bum
      even if you filled my gut full of rum
      There will be no blowing out or putting in
      even if you fill my gut full of gin
      I'm thinking you really miss my big beautiful eye
      and you're just flirting with me, but to you I say - Goodbye!

    14. It was too funny, Jaxy, my camera to shaky.... bad shoot :)

    15. If the idea is born
      Bring on the kitty porn

      Pfft go get drunk
      Seems you want such a funk
      You will wake up with an elephant trunk
      And the head of a basketball for a slamdunk

    16. to be slamdunked by a basketball team and their trunks? What a lovely dream, cat.....

    17. Hmmm you took that all wrong
      Your gutter mind is strong

    18. Us dogs find it more pleasing to lick our own balls!
      And they won't step on my logs if I leave them by the walls!
      They will award me for my act of valor!
      And unlike cats, I like to shower.

    19. Yeah unlike cats you get full of mud
      And are a very dirty bud
      So you can shower
      While I make all cower

  11. Ah Pat tou and yiur things yiu love scared us; yes abd these eyes are freaky:))
    The bext is the mention of Spanish eyes! love this song!!

    1. LOL oh dear
      The eyes really caused fear
      Making your spelling a bit off
      But dear oh dear I won't scoff

    2. Haha Im in my phone so dont write well sometimes oh dear!

    3. Yeah I do that too
      The phone is a pain it is true

    4. for this I comment yiu early LOL but I know Im not ans expert in type with phone, haha

    5. Oh dear
      You need more practice i fear

  12. Oh my god! My eyes! My eyes! My eyes!

    hahahahaha Poor Elsie. Cant be nice Cat?

    I cant admire and appreciate the creativity in this, I kinda like your way of convincing people. How else can any person settle for a single eye?

    Elsie, the Futuruma Leela is better than all these eyes. Elsie, you are hot and your single eye is magnetic, forget this guy.

    1. Geez siding with the crazy one eyed NY nut
      I was just trying to help her out of her rut
      As two eyes are better than one
      And the hulk ones would be fun

    2. @MaMTC - I pay the cat no attention. It's jealous because I love my dogs and hate it's flea ridden ass!

    3. Pffft go sniff a butt
      And fill their poo eating gut

  13. Those pictures made my eyes water!

  14. The options poor Elsie has are all pretty creepy. She could opt for an eyepatch.

    1. hahaha yeah the eyepatch would work
      As creepy eyes wouldn't be a perk

  15. Oh, dear to her one eye show
    it was a pretty avatar, though
    not anything creepy like you have here
    these things just bring shivers and fear!

    1. haha a little shake
      And a little quake
      Makes for fun
      Under my sun

    2. I know Betsy - he makes me want to put my beautiful (stolen) eye back up again, just to spite him!

    3. Elsie you should
      In fact, I would

      Cat, you didn't include my cloud eyes
      too pretty, I would surmise!

    4. Yeah they werent scary enough
      Too much fluff
      The stolen eye
      Should be back so i can make it fry

  16. She gave you a nice post and you STILL wish fleas upon her knees?? Ohh, you're a nasty cat!!!!!!!!!

    P.S. Don't think I didn't catch the tarsier's eyes!! I still want one. :)

    1. He's just pure rude, right? No wonder Pat left him to go see the NY sights!

    2. Lol get the japanese a smuggling
      So some tarsier eyes you can be juggling

      Pffft went because you were no longer there
      So he wouldnt get a one eyed scare

    3. LOL Your post reminded me to harass poor Eric about it. He still refuses to risk a life in jail to smuggle me a small monkey. Damn... :( :(

    4. LOL well just tell him he needs to use a fake name
      And then he'll be ready for the tarsier smuggling game

  17. oh heck...i feel observed at your blog today...too many eyes here for my taste..ha

  18. hahah soo many options- she's like Mr. Potato Head :) I'd say go with the one eyed look. I think she can work it :)

    1. Lmao i never thought of that
      One eyed potato head will be used by the cat

  19. Some of those eyes give me the heebie jeebies. The best one was the elephant, how could we not love that but, you can keep its poo or, leave it at the zoo. Imagine waking up to some of those eyes... OMGoodness.
    Now I may have some nightmares too :)

    1. Hahaha surely will get a bloody hell
      If waking to those at ones cell

  20. Replies
    1. Yep they are scary
      Certainly not those of a fairy

  21. Those are quite the eyes

    Id rather eat some pies

    1. Yeah be less scary
      Unless they contained a poison berry

  22. a goat eye would be cool looking

    1. LOL yeah goats would too
      That should be next in view

  23. hah, lots of eyes on display, all looking differently at your bay. That first one, can't figure it out, perhaps the lizard from the new spider man movie, or maybe an alligator, I don't know, but that one is a freaky eye. You say next to the elephant poo, but wow, could that really be an elephant eye, if so, I guess we just got the face it facts why elephants remember everything, so they never have to look at themselves in a mirror lol

    1. haha there we go all figured out
      Now we know what the elephants memory is all about
      The face it facts were found
      And the first is a cyclops with its one eye oh so round


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