So a little while ago old one eye did a post to Pat and the cat at her show. She was so nice to him that the cat wanted to heave up a hairball and things were looking grim. But then the cat got plenty of exposure as well, so I didn't have to go through coughing hell. Since old one eye was so nice I thought I could send her some fuzzy dice, which would be infested with fleas to bite her knees. But then it hit me, let's help her see and get her an eye transplant. This way she can have two eyes to see when she goes on some very very very long rant. Then maybe it will come into her view that we need a break to go to the loo. So away we go, on with the show.
So Elsie is currently like this,
A one eye you can't miss.
I guess at least people will stop and stare,
For that horrid thing is truly rare.
But what can one do,
With an eye that belongs in a zoo,
Right between the huge pile of elephant poo,
And the port a pottie loo?
Why with technology today,
She can join the two eyed fray.
But there are only certain donors out there,
All of which were tracked down to show at my lair.
You got the crossed eyed bloke,
Who looks like he is about to choke.
Man eyes for her,
Oh that'd surely make her words slur.
The ones the spilt the sight,
Between each one take flight.
The glasses come free,
So she can look like some old bitty.
Some newborn eyes,
Would give her a younger disguise.
Too bad the wrinkles would show,
And everyone would know.
The stretchy eyes,
Could surely tell lies.
As she has to stare to the sky,
Once again with the eyes of a guy.
The plastic eyes come cheap,
And can seduce a creep.
But they can't move one bit,
So she'd be known as the staring nitwit.
She could let out her inner Hulk,
And they come in bulk.
So just incase they pop,
She can get more with a quick pit stop.
The droopy eyes will get her love,
Or maybe a quick shove.
As no one wants to put up with a whiner,
They'd leave her out behind a diner.
Tarsier eyes are also available for a price,
But she may get some lice.
As they make her face grow hair,
Then she could join the circus being oh so rare.
A one eye you can't miss.
I guess at least people will stop and stare,
For that horrid thing is truly rare.
But what can one do,
With an eye that belongs in a zoo,
Right between the huge pile of elephant poo,
And the port a pottie loo?
Why with technology today,
She can join the two eyed fray.
But there are only certain donors out there,
All of which were tracked down to show at my lair.
Who looks like he is about to choke.
Man eyes for her,
Oh that'd surely make her words slur.
Between each one take flight.
The glasses come free,
So she can look like some old bitty.
Would give her a younger disguise.
Too bad the wrinkles would show,
And everyone would know.
Could surely tell lies.
As she has to stare to the sky,
Once again with the eyes of a guy.
And can seduce a creep.
But they can't move one bit,
So she'd be known as the staring nitwit.
And they come in bulk.
So just incase they pop,
She can get more with a quick pit stop.
Or maybe a quick shove.
As no one wants to put up with a whiner,
They'd leave her out behind a diner.
But she may get some lice.
As they make her face grow hair,
Then she could join the circus being oh so rare.
And finally her last option,
Is a cat eye adoption.
But sadly this one was tested before,
And now the person is blind at their shore.
For you don't mess with a cat,
And be all nice to Pat.
Or you get the stink eye,
And I make you fry.
Now wasn't that fun? I wonder which one old one eye will get done? I bet the angry eyes would come in handy now, as she could be having a cow. Such fun at my sea and surely causes me glee. But even with two eyes in her view, she'll always be a one eyed lass to my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.
there are some really freaky eyes out there
ReplyDeletecrazy enough to forget a bad cut on the hair
esp those that can pop them out
make you want to run & shout
i might stick to the one
that way she cant double fist the stink eye gun
LOL and being first you didn't even brag
DeleteI guess with the eye tag
You were scared away to fast
Sure that won't last
Whoa at all the eyes staring at me this morning ~
ReplyDeleteAnd Elsie got nice lovely eyes, Pat ~
Good morning ~
Yeah they have a freaky glare
DeleteAs they continue to stare
See how Heaven sticks up for you wretched cat??
DeleteHeaven is nice and lovey dovey to all
DeleteAt each hall
Unlike me
Or thee
Yikes, what a sight to wake up to this morning!!
ReplyDeleteWell have to make sure you're wide awake
DeleteAnd this surely takes the cake
I think Elsie might be better off just remaining a cyclops! Those are some freaky eyes!
ReplyDeleteThat seems to be the consensus so far
DeleteSo she will be a cyclops at my bar
'Spanish Eyes',Tom Jones hit
ReplyDeleteLooks like Pat had missed it
Eyes so dreamy
Or one so sultry
Would obviously turn the heat
Hank
Never heard that one
DeleteHere under my sun
At least that I can recall
And with heat some of those eyes would surely make it stall
These eyes are all scary, their sight is not making me merry. I'd love to stay here and maybe have a few beers but these eyes made me leave, sorry very.
ReplyDeleteLOL now the cat knows how to scare you away
DeleteJust in case the need arises at his bay haha
Beg your pardon!
ReplyDeleteA host of them
Engelbert,Elvis
Julio,Willie Nelson
among them
Not Jones,was mistaken!
Hank
Well no problem with the mistake
DeleteThat many sure takes the cake
Maybe I have heard it a time or two
Prob have just didn't know the name in view
Creepy they may be
ReplyDeletemy dear lads and lasses.
But without them, you see
where'd we put our glasses?
haha I suppose that is true
DeleteBut some don't need them for view
Unlike a lot of the masses
They just have fat asses
That may be true
Deletefor those without class.
And have a view
from their head up their ass.
Not sure much of a view
DeleteWould really come due
As it'd even be hard to sit
Plus their nose would smell like shit
eyes number 7 are yours, cat, no point in denying it, while mine are 9 when me is acting all sad :)
ReplyDeletePfft the cat has his own
DeleteDoesn't need the hulk ones when he gives a groan
And a walrus with those sad eyes
Would surely be a zoo worthy prize
no point denying it, eyes number seven are your eyes when you poo, cat!
DeleteThe cat squints a bit more
DeleteWhen such an act is done at our shore
This is why my ode to the cat was full of rage
ReplyDeleteYou're always ready with a war to wage.
Not a nice bone within your flea bitten skin,
It's okay, Elsie shall always win!
I prefer the cyclops Pat drew for me
then the ones provided at your sea
Even with a stolen green eye
My beauty, you cannot belie!
Pfft the cat can do whatever he wishes
DeleteNext times you be one eyed two headed fishes
Then the cat will serve you up on a plate
Such a miserable fate
For the cat can't be beat
You will suffer defeat
No matter the rage
Of course I can be stopped for a different kind of wage
But it would have to be a whole lot
As the cat can be bought haha
the Alliance is shocked with this abominable attack on our lady general Elsie. We shall respond later today with an official press release and the privy council of my Intergalactic Naughtiness will convene this evening (As soon as my co/ruler wakes up from her beauty slumber)
DeletePfft it just gives me more fame
DeleteAnd we know you are too tame
So have to wait for the irish dame
To come here and flame hahaha
See how my Alliance gathers round
Deleteand with verbal fists they will pound!
Watch your rhyming ass you wretched cat
the Alliance is headed towards your mat.
Good!
DeleteCome they should
As then the poo cans will fly
And hit you in your one eye
Along with a flea or two
That will make a poka dot thing out of you
I am not alliance but Elsie is my friend!
DeleteI come to put the cat to its pitiful end!
Run little kitty as this big dog barks!
Just keep to yourself, no little smart ass remarks!
Go dig, squat and bury in your own pile of poo!
Disgusting is such, the things you cats do!
Go little kitty, go lick your own ass!
You can win this battle, the Alliance has more brass!
I've already left a firecracker under his mat and he jumped like a squirell when it exploded under his rhyming bum a few seconds ago.... you should've seen the glorious allied revenge, Elsie!
Deleteand Ser Willy Danzel shall be given a medal at the allied court after this brave defence of our lady general Elsie!
DeleteWhile Dan may not claim any side
DeleteI appreciate him protecting my little hide
Dezz is right, he is worthy of a golden medal
and with it some sort of flowery petals
It seems that Dezz has blown up your ass
And to us the winnings shall be passed!
Umm what goes near my ass
DeleteEither gets killed by gas
Or sucked right in
To it's never ending abyss bin
So you may try and claim a win
And give old Worqueen Dan a pin
But the bigger the dog
The bigger the log
He will leave for you alliance cronies to step on
Plus lick his big dog ass on your lawn!
ewww, cat, your comments feels like a dirty porn .....
DeleteYou didn't record the fire cracker, Dez? That would have been fun to see :)
DeleteI will not get that close your bum
Deleteeven if you filled my gut full of rum
There will be no blowing out or putting in
even if you fill my gut full of gin
I'm thinking you really miss my big beautiful eye
and you're just flirting with me, but to you I say - Goodbye!
It was too funny, Jaxy, my camera to shaky.... bad shoot :)
DeleteIf the idea is born
DeleteBring on the kitty porn
Pfft go get drunk
Seems you want such a funk
You will wake up with an elephant trunk
And the head of a basketball for a slamdunk
to be slamdunked by a basketball team and their trunks? What a lovely dream, cat.....
DeleteHmmm you took that all wrong
DeleteYour gutter mind is strong
Us dogs find it more pleasing to lick our own balls!
DeleteAnd they won't step on my logs if I leave them by the walls!
They will award me for my act of valor!
And unlike cats, I like to shower.
Yeah unlike cats you get full of mud
DeleteAnd are a very dirty bud
So you can shower
While I make all cower
Ah Pat tou and yiur things yiu love scared us; yes abd these eyes are freaky:))
ReplyDeleteThe bext is the mention of Spanish eyes! love this song!!
LOL oh dear
DeleteThe eyes really caused fear
Making your spelling a bit off
But dear oh dear I won't scoff
Haha Im in my phone so dont write well sometimes oh dear!
DeleteYeah I do that too
DeleteThe phone is a pain it is true
for this I comment yiu early LOL but I know Im not ans expert in type with phone, haha
DeleteOh dear
DeleteYou need more practice i fear
Oh my god! My eyes! My eyes! My eyes!
ReplyDeletehahahahaha Poor Elsie. Cant be nice Cat?
I cant admire and appreciate the creativity in this, I kinda like your way of convincing people. How else can any person settle for a single eye?
Elsie, the Futuruma Leela is better than all these eyes. Elsie, you are hot and your single eye is magnetic, forget this guy.
Geez siding with the crazy one eyed NY nut
DeleteI was just trying to help her out of her rut
As two eyes are better than one
And the hulk ones would be fun
@MaMTC - I pay the cat no attention. It's jealous because I love my dogs and hate it's flea ridden ass!
DeletePffft go sniff a butt
DeleteAnd fill their poo eating gut
Those pictures made my eyes water!
ReplyDeleteLOL the eyes
DeleteTell no lies
The options poor Elsie has are all pretty creepy. She could opt for an eyepatch.
ReplyDeletehahaha yeah the eyepatch would work
DeleteAs creepy eyes wouldn't be a perk
Oh, dear to her one eye show
ReplyDeleteit was a pretty avatar, though
not anything creepy like you have here
these things just bring shivers and fear!
haha a little shake
DeleteAnd a little quake
Makes for fun
Under my sun
I know Betsy - he makes me want to put my beautiful (stolen) eye back up again, just to spite him!
DeleteElsie you should
DeleteIn fact, I would
Cat, you didn't include my cloud eyes
too pretty, I would surmise!
Yeah they werent scary enough
DeleteToo much fluff
The stolen eye
Should be back so i can make it fry
She gave you a nice post and you STILL wish fleas upon her knees?? Ohh, you're a nasty cat!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Don't think I didn't catch the tarsier's eyes!! I still want one. :)
He's just pure rude, right? No wonder Pat left him to go see the NY sights!
DeleteLol get the japanese a smuggling
DeleteSo some tarsier eyes you can be juggling
Pffft went because you were no longer there
So he wouldnt get a one eyed scare
LOL Your post reminded me to harass poor Eric about it. He still refuses to risk a life in jail to smuggle me a small monkey. Damn... :( :(
DeleteLOL well just tell him he needs to use a fake name
DeleteAnd then he'll be ready for the tarsier smuggling game
oh heck...i feel observed at your blog today...too many eyes here for my taste..ha
ReplyDeleteWatching you
DeleteToday at my zoo
hahah soo many options- she's like Mr. Potato Head :) I'd say go with the one eyed look. I think she can work it :)
ReplyDeleteLmao i never thought of that
DeleteOne eyed potato head will be used by the cat
Some of those eyes give me the heebie jeebies. The best one was the elephant, how could we not love that but, you can keep its poo or, leave it at the zoo. Imagine waking up to some of those eyes... OMGoodness.
ReplyDeleteNow I may have some nightmares too :)
Hahaha surely will get a bloody hell
DeleteIf waking to those at ones cell
Those are some freaky eyes.
ReplyDeleteYep they are scary
DeleteCertainly not those of a fairy
Those are quite the eyes
ReplyDeleteId rather eat some pies
Yeah be less scary
DeleteUnless they contained a poison berry
a goat eye would be cool looking
ReplyDeleteLOL yeah goats would too
DeleteThat should be next in view
hah, lots of eyes on display, all looking differently at your bay. That first one, can't figure it out, perhaps the lizard from the new spider man movie, or maybe an alligator, I don't know, but that one is a freaky eye. You say next to the elephant poo, but wow, could that really be an elephant eye, if so, I guess we just got the face it facts why elephants remember everything, so they never have to look at themselves in a mirror lol
ReplyDeletehaha there we go all figured out
DeleteNow we know what the elephants memory is all about
The face it facts were found
And the first is a cyclops with its one eye oh so round