99999999 Ways To Kill A Mutt And Make Its Mouth Shut!

So Pat had us at that other shore and he had to babysit as Miss Priss and I decided to explore. Had to babysit the mutt and yeah I really did bite him on the butt. Actually it was the tail and he did tend to wail. Or at least yelp. I guess he was trying to find help. The wiener was depressed though and it could clearly show. Once night time came it was a whole new ball game. Damn mutt went to the door and whined, no matter what, with quite the roar.

All we could think,
Since we couldn't sleep a wink.
Was how to shut him up.
The stinkin whiny pup.

No guns were around,
But plenty of cats were found.
Maybe they could pee on him,
Every time he uttered a whim.

That would mean,
Pat would have to clean.
So instead of that,
Could lock him in a pirngle can from our mat.

Well he is a wiener dog,
So he'd fit in like a log.
Could throw him in the fire place,
Of course no matches would burn his face.

Just slam the door shut.
To shut up the whiny mutt.
Get some duct tape.
Wrap him in a cape.

Tie him to the ceiling fan.
Send him to neighbor Dan.
Sell him for a buck.
Toss him on back a passing truck.

Lock him in the fridge.
Throw him off a nearby bridge.
Lock him in a drawer.
Open the door and let him explore.

Ship him in the mail.
Let him play in the hail.
Actually it was rain,
Maybe it would flush him down the drain.

All kinds of crap,
Took a lap.
Pat could not nap.
Should have set up a wiener trap.

That sounds bad,
But when no sleep is had,
Mind may stutter,
And not recognize the gutter.

The cat sniffed the door.
Like something was calling of lore.
In or out,
He still continued to pout.

Seperation anxiety is a bitch.
Should have gave him fleas to make him itch.
That would have worked.
Too bad that idea never lurked.

So all and all at least it made for a post on my wall. Would have been nice to sleep a whole friggin heap. But I guess we can't all win and I quickly left that bin. He is still ticked off at them too even if they are back in view. Too funny to the cat and even Pat. But I surely gave him sass as I was a tired little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.


  1. Replies
    1. We had a new puppy a long time ago,
      it cried the whole night, we didn't sleep,
      yes, separation anxiety it must be,
      after him, we didn't get anymore pets ~

      Wishing you Happy Weekend Pat ~

      Will be away for the weekend, so won't be visiting much ~

    2. Yeah they go on and on
      Even if put out on the lawn
      Can be a pain
      The whiny train
      And first indeed
      At my feed
      Have a fun time away
      Sure you'll be back with plenty to say

  2. Not a mutt lover then,
    how do you feel about a hen,
    my other half has 190 plus ten!

    1. LOL wow that many of those
      Well I'd just get a hose
      And away they will go
      With the waters flow haha

  3. This sounds like a bad encounter with a dog, I know that you're not keen and hopefully you kicked their spleen!

    I've forgotten what number should be attached to this post but hopefully when you reach 1000 I won't need to remember as you will boast, awesome rhymes as usual mate.

    1. haha bah has to be done sometimes
      The mutt and his chimes
      And forgot already
      Never fear they will come steady

  4. oh my...a whiny pup, while you try to sleep, but get not a peep...haha your antics to frantic-ally zip his lip...had one once that ate the kitchen table...literally...scary really....

    1. Ate the kitchen table?
      Wow, but they are able
      Surely adds some fiber though
      Maybe he needed to go haha

  5. My gf's pit bull is afraid of her cat

    I guess shes afraid shell get hurt or something like that

    1. hahaha funny when a big dog runs away
      But cats rule and dogs drool at any bay

  6. The plots make me feel bad for the mutt. Lol very funny though.

    1. Yeah the poor mutt
      Oh well the cat will kick him in the butt

  7. This is too
    cruel and
    simply won't

    The answer
    is plain
    but might
    be a pain
    but life
    is such.

    Take the
    pup to bed
    and cover his

    He'll cuddle
    and sleep
    and all whining
    he'll cease.

    If this what my cats are really thinking it's no wonder my dogs are scared of them.

    I just posted cat-just so ya know!!

    1. LOL yes it is cruel
      To the butt sniffing fool
      And tried that as well
      But he whined like hell
      So out the door he went
      With his whiny intent haha
      Yeah that is why dogs are afraid
      Mess with a cat and you'll get more than spayed hahaha

    2. He still whined, he must be missing his mommy or just needs someone with breasts to hold him. Sounds like a job for your Viking woman. She could suckle him while you sleep!

    3. Yeah or crush the life out of him
      Things could get grim
      I should have thought of that
      One way to stop annoying the cat haha

    4. There's really not much you can do except wait it out and hope you don't have neighbors that will be annoyed and complain about it.

      I don't know where old one-eye is today cat. (Now that I called her old-one eye, she'll show up and slap me)

    5. Bah if I can annoy neighbors might be worth it
      Some of them are nosey more than a bit
      So it would work for me
      And yeah hopefully she will come and see
      Then go on about thee
      Oh what fun that would be haha

  8. Dogs aren't smart.
    Not worth a tinkers fart.
    They sniff the butts
    of other mutts.
    They chase their tail
    and bark at the mail.
    They chew on my old socks.
    They may eat poop, but never rats
    They just leave that mess for the cats.
    Sure, they're plenty dumb
    my dear old chum.
    They're man's best friend
    until the end.
    And they don't crap in a box.

    1. hahaha well man is dumb
      As they chew their gum
      So I guess both are quite the pair
      With their best friend affair
      The cat may go in the box
      And may also chew socks
      But eating your own poo
      Just wins out at any zoo

  9. wait till you have kids
    is all i can say
    all that hair will turn grey
    serves you right , you sadist you
    how to treat a darling mutt
    you have absolutely no clue
    of course cat cold psychology rules
    they reign over your home ,easily fool....
    you are in this really deep
    here's hoping you catch up on some sleep

    evening pat...:)

    1. LOL yeah sure kids would turn my hair grey
      Oh the writes that will come on such a day
      The cat is a sadist I suppose
      Maybe hell just chew off the mutts toes
      That wouldnt be so bad
      Maybe just a tad
      Cats rule the roost
      And always need an ego boost

  10. oh geez Pat. lol.
    SPCA or PETA should be reading this. hahahaha.
    i could pick up some ideas to use on some real people actually.

    1. LOL yeah real people deserve it more
      As they annoy a ton at any shore
      Hope they don't read
      They may blacklist my feed hahaha

  11. Missing ma and nanny for sure
    and nothing you did would be the cure.
    And still mad at them you say?
    That will teach them at their bay.
    Where ever they go
    a snub will be given when they return home.

    off rhyme here...I have a friend who dog sat for her neighbors a few weeks ago. The dogs were so mad at being left alone that they pooped and peed all over the house...on the carpet, on the couch, on the beds...even sprayed the walls! The neighbors were out of cell phone range and could not be reached. She brought her carpet steamer over and did laundry and cleaned their whole house...took her all day....only to have them do it again that night! They were gone for 4 days and she spent most of it cleaning up. LOL! She said even after cleaning, their house smelled awful...there was just no way to get the smell out or find all the spots. Talk about revenge! Bad dogs...bad, bad, dogs. I'll take my cats, thank you. hahahaha.

    1. LMAO damn those dogs really had a fit
      And yeah the smell is hard to get rid of it
      But then dog pee isn't as bad as cats though
      But either is still nasty to show
      I guess my babysitting wasn't so bad
      Compared to the crap, literally, time your friend had hahaha

  12. OMGoodness... just reading Betsy's comment. No doggie sitting for me thank you. Bad dogs alright. Mine is well behaved, most of the time. Unless I go out without him, then he whines or barks a bit if he hears outside noises. But, can't let him be with me 24/7 or, he would get that type of separation anxiety. Cats are so much more relaxed about being left. Yikes, still shuddering about Betsy's comment and thinking about the two giant Great Danes a friend of mine has. LOL Talk about needing a mop and BIG bucket to clean up for that size dog...lol

    1. LMAO Betsy really got you going
      And yeah those danes would leave quite the showing
      Their crap would be bigger than a cat
      And can't say cats are overly relaxed at my mat
      Cassie just digs the crap out of her self
      When I leave my shelf
      Rather clean poo than go to the vet
      For leaving them I guess that is what we get

    2. haha...sorry daydreamer! Don't have bad dreams, now! lol....

    3. That she might
      And it will be your fault for such a plight haha

  13. That will just drive you crazy!

    1. Yes it did
      As he tried to make me flip my lid

  14. yeah, incessant barking can be quite the bear. On and on they chime and chime, mine aren't the best behaved, but are like angels compared to the dog across the street, who they just tie up outside all the time and he goes on and on and on. They cat would certainly not put up with his antics. lol Wiener dogs, i've found to be quite mean, the pringles can was a nice line too

    1. haha pringles have all kind of uses
      And make dogs suffer abuses
      He can be kind of mean
      They like to think they are big and make a scene

  15. This is why all pets should be cats. Although, Flower (our cat) did bite a dinner guest on the wrist last night and drew blood... :D It was his fault. I told him not to pick her up!

    sorry you got bit~

    1. I never got bit
      The cat made the weiner take that hit haha
      And yeah cats can bite and scratch just as much
      Waaay more than a touch

  16. You should've fired up the grill and thrown it on. I bet that hot dog would've been good with ketchup!

    1. Ketchup makes everything taste better too
      Although some might think eww

  17. I'm sorry to hear about the dog experience. Sounds like it was a bad night for everyone!

  18. I will take dogs any day
    No cats will occupy my bay
    I think you're right about the pee
    I've heard anyway that cat pee smell is bad
    but either cat or dog pee on the carpet is sad
    and would make me mad!

    1. Yeah cat pee smells worse
      Either will make on curse
      Dogs are fine by me
      But not with seperation anxiety haha

  19. Unless it's your own pet, or you're something like Cesar Millan, probably sitting for someone's pet is not a very good idea.

    1. Yeah that I will avoid most times
      Unless I get lots of dimes haha

  20. mutt really gave u a hard time :P
    missed your writings :)

    hope u r doing fine..

    1. Yeah here things are grand
      At least for most in our land

  21. dogs can be annoying sometimes :\

  22. Another good post xD makes me laugh.

    I can't seem to work out how to follow you >.< Do I need a google+ account? :/

    1. Always fun
      Under my sun
      And all one has to do
      For the follow of me to you
      Is get the url and stick it in add to list under the blogroll thing
      At the dashboard of your wing


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