Glitch Of A Witch Part Six. The Beer Guys Do Tricks!

We figured it would be best to go around this candy fort. But some how our efforts were cut short. It seemed were were stuck thanks to the voodoo of some schmuck.

"Come on you godly mook, do something with your oh so great godly powers."

"Drazin does not do anything unless Drazin wants to."

"That is convenient you slime sucking, bottom feeding, demon."

We were all frozen in place and all we could do was yap about what could be the case. I was going to kill that witch. She would boil and I would not be as nice as Toto, making her scream at a higher pitch. But then came this weird cross voice. We all turned around, having no choice.

"You will all bow down before me. I am the candy king you see."

"He looks more like a queen."

"Drazin has to agree with you, fleabag."

"He or she looks more like a bad cross between that Austin Powers fatso and the cat's viking woman."

"Quiet, beasts! This is what happens when you have daily candy feasts."

It was WorqueenDan and of candy, he was clearly a fan. Where does he find pants to get up over that behind? Just look at those boobs too. He could sure show a playboy centerfold a thing or two. Although you would have to roll the thing a mile down the road to fit this huge he/she toad.

He waved his magic candy liquorice stick and then we all had to follow that dick. He took us into his castle with very little hassle and then brought the draw bridge up behind us all. He then walked us down his candy hall. Some bite marks were in them too. No wonder he is such a scary thing to view.

"Bryan, what do you get when you cross a king and a hooker?"

"I don't know, Brandon. A Royal Fling?"

"You weren't really supposed to know, that was a rhetorical question."

"No wonder no one votes for you."

The two of them were back once more with their same old encore. Each were still dripping sewage all over the place. They were even slapping each other in the face. I guess they were court jesters now. I think I even heard them meow.

"As you can see I already have two to entertain me. So you will be food for the seers below. Don't worry, they will start with the toe."

He waved his stick and the wall lost a brick. Then it lost two more and jelly bean men guards attended to his chore. They grabbed us all and took us below. The closer we got the more the whining continued to grow.

"Why me? Why do I have one eye. Why do I have to be blue? If I ever see that litter box playing cat again, I'm going too...You!"

"Great! Now Drazin has to go deaf too."

"Demons all around. By what magic is this, Merlin?"

We saw old one eye in a cell and her whining sure was not swell. That was easy to see in the next cell as Brian was hoping she would flee. He had his fingers in his ears but that did not stop his gawking gears.

"Mohawk man over there seems in distress. Do you think he is going to eat us?"

"Fleabag, Drazin thinks he's more happy to be staring us up and down. Rather strange, if you ask Drazin."

"Then that leaves this foul one eyed creature. You shall never take us down, blue demon."

"I'm a demon now? I can't handle this. Where is Anneeeeee!"

I wish I had some of those doggie stairs handy. Or some drugged up candy. Maybe if she started climbing steps or was knocked out. It would end her whining shout. She was giving me a migraine. That is when the wall opened up and out came a candy train. It was towing plenty of candy through and the jelly bean guards were distracted by its view.

Drazin elbowed one to the head while Miss Priss and I kicked one until it was squashed and dead. At least as dead as a candy guard can be. Pat just screamed and the other one decided to flee. This candy surely is not good nutrition, I think Pat thought he was a musician.

"I can hoot,
And give a toot toot.
You will not beat me.
I have my animals at the ready."

"Did she just say toot toot, as in she likes to fart?"

"Fleabag, Drazin thinks these rhyming nuts really are taking after you."

"Don't look at me like that Pat. Anneeeee!"

"I said toot as in a horn. You will wish you were never born."

Sherry was surely rather scary as she began to float in the air and turned into some zombied thing that was becoming less rare. She told her animal cracker crew to attack and let's just say they made a fine snack. Miss Priss and I made short work of each one. But she was not done.

"You ruined my zoo dream. That just makes me scream."

She went to scream off her head and then old one eye caused her dread. She joined in whining about Anne. Sherry surely was not a fan. Brian seemed to have had enough and he decided it was time to get rough. He gawked the room and noticed a broom. He picked up a piece of the animal cracker we left and threw it with quite the amount of heft. It knock the broom into his hand and through the bars he swept the zombie Sherry away from out land. Yep, he swept the broom back and forth her face and before long it was nothing but an empty space.

"Drazin will pay you a dollar if you do that to her too?"

"Don't even think about it, Brian. I want Anneeee! Cat, you caused all of this."

One eyed complained away as Drazin hopped on the train and rammed it into the cells on display. Brian and old one eye were free. Then Brian disappeared like the rest that decided to flee. Who knows why that is though. We will get to that soon enough I know. Right now it is time to make WorqueenDan cry. And yes, we were still stuck with old one eye.


Wow, a lot went on there and we were once again jailed, which is also becoming less rare. This candy land show has a lot of freaks. Those Beer Guys sure smelled like a couple of shit creeks. Maybe WorqueenDan wants to go on a diet and use their smell to try it. I hope we can shut up this one eyed lass as she and this whole place is annoying my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. This series has really got me into the mood for Halloween Pat, I have to love it. Is it any wonder this motley crew end up in all kinds of trouble with Anne in their mist haha! I'm just kidding, I love the gang you've assembled and I love this series, great rhymes as usual Pat.

    I'm not first on this rank, and the blame is directed at Hank!

    1. Yeah the crew brings trouble
      It gets there on the double
      With old one eye around and Anne
      That always seem to be the plan
      Poor Hank won
      And ruined your fun haha

  2. *sigh*

    How you managed to fit every single insult against me in one post is beyond me, Pat. You did great with this one. It's my favorite so far - except that Bryan got away, I don't think it's fair, he should have to suffer and listen to my whining along with everyone else. I'm just happy I'm a demon!!

    When I first started reading, I thought for sure this was going to be a roast on Dan the whole way through, but, I was mistaken...there were way more jabs against me - again - and I just had to laugh. I know Dan's time will come though. You're just setting the stage, I'm sure...right? Oh, and giving Dan big ol' boobs? Now he'll never get anything accomplished.

    Watch yourself, you and Dan are in my sights.

    1. hahahaha oh that cat can insult away
      Each and every day
      But when the post is long
      The insult can come strong hahaha
      Oh Dan is next on the list
      If he can raise his royal flabby wrist
      Yeah I suppose he'll be staring at his own boobs all day
      And with them he will play
      And pffft I already have my next roast done for you
      And poor Irish Air too
      Plus a whole bunch more
      Who come to my shore

    2. Oh quit bragging about how far ahead you are! LOL I can't wait to see the roast on Dan, it's going to be great, I'm sure and I can't wait for him to see this! Poor Anne, touring the country and here you are picking on her, have you no mercy?

    3. Wait, I see Dan already read it and has to "catch up" but what he's really doing is playing with his big ol' boobies!

    4. LOL I am into January 2013 now
      That deserves a bragging meow
      Poor Anne is your little cry
      Such a whiny little one eye haha
      Nope, no mercy though
      I just let it flow

      Yeah Dan read one and two
      Now he's starting to get a clue

    5. My man boobs are fun to play with! Now if only I had a pussy...?

    6. You are an absolute shit Cat. Picking on Elsie with no mercy at all-none and she's ever so nice to you with never an insult and nothing but kindness from her lips. Just like me, I never insult you, never.

    7. haha hmmm that could come into play
      One way or another at my bay

      Pfft right
      A high has taken flight
      Over at your shore
      Off your rocker and so much more

  3. i would leave a comment but i am too busy staring, haha glad the trip through candyland you are sharing...Annne....and toot toot def gets me thinking poot you know...all this disappearing can be quite where did i put my broom, i must erase this room...

    1. haha you have the gawk down
      Give the zombies a frown
      Before long the disappearing act
      Will find a fact

  4. A Royal Fling
    a good Thing --
    then bring on the Ring
    with lots of Bling!

    1. Lots of blubber too
      For the royal who came due
      Should be grand
      To see what comes about in my land

  5. What the? Did you just..? I 'm going to have to read this series from the beginning! I'll be back cat!

    1. LMAO that was your first entrance into the fray
      You did say you wanted to be in the next one the last time I did a big old story post at my bay
      So you were added in
      All that candy though, really, it's a sin

    2. HA HA HA!!!! Be careful what you wish for Dan - now you're in the mix with me and everybody else. No one is safe at the cat's blog.

    3. The cat does not discriminate
      All can suffer a rather interesting fate

    4. That I did. I never thought I would be a candy guzzling slob with big boobs though! lol

    5. The Cat is most foul to pick on you Dan as you always are so sweet at your bay-never an insult leaves your lips.

      Sarcasm goes good with my afternoon tea!

      Good luck Dan!!

    6. LOL be careful what you ask for
      Here at my shore

      Pfft really out to lunch
      A whole friggin bunch

  6. Poor Dan!
    Back to read the whole land!
    Might be a bit much all in one day.
    Could cause his brain some dismay!

    1. Yeah all the rhyming might make him need to pop a pill
      As it doesn't give all a thrill
      But sure he will get there
      The first one and last one he read at my lair haha

  7. Oh, my. Rhetorical question and all.

  8. Oh I was exausted when I finish to read:(

    1. hahaha at least there was no dirt around
      To bury you in a huge mound

    2. Quit picking on my Dear Gloria!!

    3. Pfft never going to happen, my dear
      Oh dear it's too much for my oh dearing rhyming rear

  9. Oh I love the fat, gender bender, drag king/queen!

    1. haha a fan of Dan
      And his gender bender clan

    2. Did you just call me fat?....and a gender bender?

    3. LMAO sure she meant it with love
      Not a face slap with a glove

  10. I am still giggling thinking about beer farts!

    1. hahaha now don't go near the liquor
      You may pee quicker

  11. I bet Henry VIII knows what a royal fling is

    1. Yeah that is surely the case
      He flung at a steady pace

  12. i feel a bit dizzy after reading this..ya know...ha..lots of action going on and candyland is almost never what it promises to be..

    1. Nope it is one big fake
      Not even a candy cake
      I would not partake
      Unless you carried a big pointy rake

  13. I have a story, one of my own
    And when you read it your mind will be blown
    It may take months until I get to it
    But it will leave the cat saying "Oh shit!"

    "He waved his magic candy liquorice stick and then we all had to follow that dick" I nearly died laughing at this! Priceless!

    1. Sure it will be a great read
      There at your feed
      When you find the time
      Glad you found it sublime

  14. When candy
    I first
    ate, I
    ever loved
    the taste.

    But here
    to hear
    from such
    a rear
    of licorice dicks
    and candy porn
    detest do I
    such treats

    So a Wizard born
    will turn
    to stone
    your fate
    when you
    were born.

    And here
    to tell
    a tale
    most fell
    from your
    rhyming rear.

    Go ahead an pick on me Cat. I know you do it because you secretly adore me. You worship me and we all know it.

    1. The cat is a god
      While you are just a cod
      You said so yourself
      Over at your shelf haha
      Stone you say?
      My stench will blow that away
      Then I will be back
      With more tales at my shack
      Plus you have yet to see
      What becomes of thee

    2. I did make you a God and we're all going to be regretting that one day. Elsie will never forgive me for the ego you'll have after that story comes out. Jesus, you're in so many scenes there will be no getting away from it-and you can't die because you're an immortal God. Sometimes I just like to hurt myself because it feels so good.

    3. hahaha the scene stealing cat who is a god and can't die
      It has a great ring to it, I won't lie

    4. Anne sealed her fate
      The cat's ego will grow at a huge rate

  15. You crack me up!
    I laughed out loud at this:
    He waved his magic candy liquorice stick and then we all had to follow that dick
    OMGoodness.... and kings and hookers, this has got it all. Now, where's my chocolate???

    1. haha it is all at play
      Wait until what comes next at this candy land bay

  16. Hooray for the Royal fling. Thanks for making me laugh.

  17. "Austin Powers fatso and the cat's viking woman" - hahaha, I loled at this line.
    King and hooker? This was a fun read. Good job Cat.

    WorqueenDan - you are done.

    1. It's Whorequeendan! Get it right!

      That cat has nothing on me! A shaming on the wall may be due for this poor little kitty! And you too, Mama C!

    2. haha oh it isn't over yet
      It is a safe bet
      That WorqueenDan and Thinkingcap the godly ass
      Will come to blows before this comes to pass haha

  18. Now that's a good one...
    a king and a hooker.
    But, I'd rather have fun
    with the queen, who's a looker.

    1. Unless you get caught
      With your plot
      Then off with the head
      Either one depending on if you make it to the bed

  19. OMG I am cracking up! So now I'm a scary floating zombie thing with an animal cracker crew? And I just got swept away? Well, just you wait. I'm coming back with a furious vengeance!

    1. hahahaha a new way to get a zombified thing
      Sweep away the face and away she'll fling
      Pfft the cat will keep the dust pan handy
      In case you come back for more candy

  20. I'd say you were able to capture my odor perfectly. It's as if you reached through my computer screen and sniffed the room. Bravo, good sir.

    Also, I really like that king and a hooker joke. Speaking of, it's not technically stealing if we reuse that, because it WAS one of us who "said" it... right?

    1. Thankfully I can't reach through the screen
      Although the odor may clear my nostrils clean
      Yeah not stealing at all
      Reuse away at your hall

  21. Hmmm, its a smelly place? A bit like a litter box I'd say.

  22. workqueen dan and royal fling are my favourite from this!!

    1. haha sure dan
      will like that you are a fan

    2. But of course! My fan base is growing, thanks to the cat!

    3. Oh what a cat can do
      My adding boobies to you


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