Hot To Trot With No Plot!

So all life is a stage and dVerse wants that statement to be all the rage. But you know the cat has no plot, he simply goes on about a whole friggin lot. Maybe the absence of a plot is a plot? Did you just suffer brain rot? As far as the players go, those you may or may not know. Of course under the whose who above they can be found if push comes to shove.

Now on a stage the stages of life jump from the page. Or maybe all is staged? Life is merely caged? Anyway, time for the display. We stage a staging for each stage. Did that throw you for a rage?

Stage #1 - The Nuts Have Fun

"Gung, how did we get here? I bet it was that rhyming rear?
"I guess we will just go with the flow, huh, Ho?"

I was at the ready,
The screaming came steady.
But with my trusty catcher's glove,
I caught it when the doctor yelled "shove"

It drooled for a while,
And hogged the TV dial.
Not to mention the goop,
I think they call it poop.

Now what I do all day,
Is watch Big Bird on display,
I swear if one more wiggle
Let's his junk jiggle,
I'm going to off myself,
Or at least go homicidal on a Gerber elf.

"Ho, did you really say poop?"
"Gung, they are still young and shit would throw them for a loop."

Stage #2 - From The Third Person Yapping Ding Dong Without Any Clue

"Fleabags, Drazin has better things to do."

There is wonder in their eyes,
Along with more cries.
Hunger seems to linger,
They may still suck their finger.

Cartoon underwear are the best.
ABC's are the hardest test.
At recess they fight over a cheesy.
Boy, they have it easy.

Until they rest their head.
Fearing the monster under the bed.
But all they find,
Is Elmo's naked behind.

"There, Drazin is done. Drazin is not amused, fleabags."

Stage #3 - Has To Be Done By Little Old Me

Now comes the fun,
When they hate everyone.
Things start to grow,
The opposite sex I don't even want to know.

Their stomach becomes a canyon,
They always need a companion.
Yapping on the phone,
Like a silly drone.

Facebook, Twitter, and all the crap,
Are readily on tap.
I'm surprised anyone is surviving,
Because now they are driving.

Stage #4 - Riot Man Takes The Tour

Bring on the debt,
Bring on the sweat.
Stuck in real life,
Just before the wife.

Bring on the liquor,
Never been sicker.
Bring on the sex,
And multiple subjects.

Bring on the bills,
Be happy there are no need yet for blue pills.
Bring on the notion,
That life's in constant motion.

Stage #5 - The Beyonder, Because He's Old And Still Alive

Now comes the house.
Set traps for a mouse.
Round and round we go,
As you start to show.

Out pops one,
But you aren't done.
Out pops two,
Loading you with goo.

A wrap around from you,
Is what comes due.
No, that's not a glitch,
Karma can be a bitch.

Stage #6 - Miss Priss Get In Her Licks

Kids are crazy,
Eye sight is hazy.
Roof is leaking,
Bones have started creaking.

Doctors probe your ass.
Lots of food gives you gas.
Job becomes mundane,
You have gone insane.

Wait! The kids are out.
Can go fish for trout.
Plus walk around naked once more,
Even though things sag now at your shore.

Stage #7 - One Step To  Heaven (Or Hell But We Won't Dwell)

Pills lined in a row,
Your memory is starting to go
Wishing for an afro,
As bald is all that will show.

Need a walking cane,
License is gone so have to use the train.
Have to get up all night to piddle,
Your bones creak like a fiddle.

Need more fiber in your diet.
No longer can you deep fry it.
But at least you can sit back, do nothing and spit.
I'm too old for this shit.

So there we go all took the stage for life's show. Or at least some. I didn't want to bring those Oompa Loompa's back with their annoying hum. Now wasn't that grand? A long one in my land. I didn't even have to whine like old one eye. That will make her cry. Now life has come to pass and has be staged up by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. I think this is my favourite ever post on Rhyme Time and I've never once not enjoyed a post. This is so true Pat, how life comes in stages and I love how you present it all the way until death in an incredibly humorous way which is amazing considering the subject matter, tremendous work Pat, I love this.

    1. Favorite ever you say
      That works at my bay
      Although it has been said before
      And may once more
      May as well make fun
      As death will come when all are done

  2. i am really not looking forward to ass probes, and those robes at the doctor are so small they watch your ass walk down the hall, gung and hos final lines made me laugh, creating lines on my face, oh dang i must be later in this race---it is true this is really good. you got the funny in your hood...and honest apraisal as well of the ages---now got to go put my superhero underwear on and give into the rages...

    1. Maybe luck will come our way
      And they'l have new tech at their bay
      Scan our ass and be done
      That would be much more fun
      hahaha so you broke down and bought
      A pair of those undies so superhero hot
      Strut around them at halloween
      That will be a scary scene

  3. This is a creative and fun take on the stages of life ~ I don't like Stage 4 of the bills and all the sweat but what can we do ~

    I particularly like Stage 6, yes without the kids, we can do what we want. But not the probing of one's ass or what not ~

    Happy Sunday Pat ~

    1. Yeah HATE stage four too
      Want to take those bills and shove up someones gazoo
      Some sweat is okay
      Like for your Heaven display haha
      hahaha yeah what one wants to do comes due
      Although a check up is still needed at each zoo haha

  4. Oh this really made me laugh, Pat. I laughed especially at Stage 7, though Stage 7 is really not anything to laugh at. Sitting back and doing nothing and spitting -- doesn't sound like a fun way to spend a day!!!! Indeed it is better sometime not to dwell. LOL. Good post!

    1. Yeah stage seven prob won't be too fun
      But it was fun to have spun
      No not a fun way to spend the day
      Maybe aliens will come and blow us away
      Beore such a task comes due
      Yeah no dwelling at any zoo

  5. Pat, this is my absolute favorite of yours--except maybe the unexpected one you did for my prompt. But thisisjust so funny. Well done.k.

    1. Glad you like
      As I take life's hike
      Was also really fun to do
      Like the one I did for you

  6. One can't really fight nature
    The stages of life is a cycle
    It gets frighteningly clear
    Being bald is just a trifle


    1. Yeah no way to win
      Unless the fountain of youth is found at your bin
      Then you may win
      Bald isn't such a sin

  7. Pat, you did this great. I can see each one of my kids as they went through these stages and me as I walked through it with them....not looking forward to what lies ahead - thanks a lot!! LOL

    1. Wow you complimented two days in a row
      Are you sick at your show? haha
      Yeah you may get there before me
      But not looking forward to it at my sea
      If I get this screwed up now
      By then I'll have a cow haha

  8. Hilarious. I am too old for this shit. :-)

  9. ha...i bet you will still rhyme the pills into a row once you get to stage 7...smiles...ya know..i wish more in life would "rhyme"...

    1. Yeah that would be so much better for all
      If things rhymed a ton at each hall

  10. Thanks for the Easy Sunday smiles, my whiskers are still grinning up!

    1. Glad I could make you grin
      That is surely a win

  11. It all sounds like a pile of old Shhh Hits to me.... lol *rolls eyes at m poor attempt to rhyme.. It's Sunday and even I get a day off sometimes ;)

    1. haha well it was worth a try
      And you are close to using the I'm too old for this shit cry haha

  12. Cat I'm rapidly approaching stage 7. My son has moved out, my knees hurt and bran is my best friend. But on the upside, I don't have to take shit from people because I'm old.

    I'll be back in a few days I hope.

    1. haha that is one bright side
      To the stage 7 ride
      Not that I'm sure you did before
      But now you can blame it on being old at your shore haha

  13. Good thing I don't have to worry
    or be in any hurry.
    with that daily drink from the fountain of youth
    I'm eternally young and sane, to boot!

    1. Well maybe not sane
      There at your lane
      But the rest is covered
      As over the fountain you've hovered

    2. someone told you I was a crazy cat lady, didn't they?
      Don't believe everything they say.
      I'm really Dr. Doolittle
      that can talk in a riddle.

    3. Yeah I heard that rumor a time or two
      It may one day air on Whoopdi Friggin Doo
      I'll go with the Dolittle
      As bright as a rainbow skittle haha

  14. Hahaha! Hey, this resembles my life! And I love it - the absence of a plot is a plot. I'll have to tell that to my critique group!

    1. haha yeah the plot thing works well
      Where there is no plot to tell

  15. Going homicidal on a Gerber elf sounds therapeutic.
    I'd like to try that one myself.


    1. Well I don't think there is a law saying you can't do it
      So go ahead and give them a good hit

  16. Well, we think there is more of a plot than there is in a dictionary.

  17. We was watchin' the Giants play
    Ain't got no 'ttention for nuthin' else today!!

    1. Well if they win
      That is more points for my bin

  18. ahahh the absence of a plot is DEFINITELY a plot!!! LOVE IT.

    1. Everybody seems to like that one
      I may have to coin it under my rhyming sun

  19. Fiber in one's diet is always something more should try. Yep, they'll get the goop, yes that's code for poop, but it will clear one out of the impurities that bind, creating creatures that will not shine, all bungled up and bound to such, stuffy bloated ways. Riot man always seems to steal the show, or at least sometimes that's how it feels with his change of flow, the monster under the bed was apt, as I just saw a Monsters Inc commercial and instantly said, Hey, haven't I seen this a bunch of times, but then I saw it was for the 3D version, which certainly all must see-geez, just another way to scam another buck from a constipated society-hey, like how I tied those two bits together, pretty neat, but back to the fear, yep the Elmo dude, something just ain't right I swear. My niece says Melmo, Melmo, I try telling her no m, no me, but she keeps on with her melmo show, and once melmo appears, she then chants for door, no, not the kind you enter a room and shout from, but dora, the explorer or explorah if you're from NYC, in that case, perhaps you're lucky and never had the umm…sadness to see. Each time I'm forced to view, I think, this is the most horror I can take, and then, realize, if the cat were on the screen, that little monkey boots would surely get the boot. That's all I have tonight, but so glad the stage fright was not bright, and like tom bodett, you left the light on…lol Great stages. Twas fun…and oh, btw, saw the new despicable me commercial and it's hilarious, those minions crack me up, singing potato funny stuff, okay, that's enough

    1. Wow you were on a roll
      As you came by for a stroll
      Talking so much about shit hahaha
      And you are right about the 3d bit
      Is a bunch of crap
      That needs to take a dirt nap
      For they just give it another run
      So more dough can be spun
      And yeah I've seen that show
      Dora is something I want to flush down below
      That kiddie channel needs to go
      It is so mundane I'd rather eat a crow


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