This Will Be Handy To Get Some Candy!

So Halloween is drawing near and I know all have to dress up in something of fear. But we will save that for another time. Today is all about the rhyme. Hmmmm I guess that could work at any point here at my joint. But we will just ignore that fact. For we improve the trick or treat act.

Trick or treat,
Take a seat.
While I show you something neat.
Pull a coin for heads or tails,
Flip it and don't bite your nails.
You can even call it,
While I run off with your wallet.

Trick or treat,
Don't you cheat.
It is time you skip that wheat.
If you don't things will get dire,
You'll wake up to a fire.
In a brown bag.
Think of it like a game of tag.

Trick or treat,
My name is Pete.
Simply fill my bag and admit defeat.
If you don't I'll screech and yelp.
My mommy will be quick to help.
Like the vet did for fluffy,
Your wee wee will become sore and puffy.

Trick or treat,
Keep the meat.
I want something to beat the heat.
How about a simple drink?
With an umbrella that is pink.
I surely need the liquor.
It will make your wart disappear quicker.

Trick or treat,
It's your last meet.
Time for your stash to deplete.
I am here to save the day.
No longer will your door sway.
Just dump all the candy in my bucket.
Then turn off the light and say feck it.

Trick or treat,
Boy, I'm beat.
You sure don a big fleet.
I'm a rat from the race,
Can't you tell from the furry face?
Forget the candy, it's just trash.
I'll settle for a quick flash.

So there you go a little update. Pick and choose when each one is your fate. Want to get flashed? Use the last. Want to get tons of candy? Help them get rid of it fast. And you have some time to learn them all there at your stall. And that ends this year's trick or treat class. Damn, I'm a helpful little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. This has really helped me get into the Halloween spirit Pat, if I was younger I'd go around using these verses to get more scares than funeral hearses. Even though the verses are more funny than scary but laughs wouldn't work with the hearses thing haha. Great rhymes as usual Pat, love your fun rhyming style, no wonder you write perfect kids books!

    1. Yeah more funny it was
      No scary buzz
      Or too disturbing I suppose
      Has to be a balance when causing woes
      Or one could call the cops
      Or beat you with their mops haha

  2. time for you to skip the wheat...that one jumped out at me today because our school have switched the menu over to wheat based, even the pizza regardless of taste and it has jacked up everyones stomach, gastrointestinal like scratching poison sumac (ha you like that rhyme, its a crime i know so) but we all know the good houses or did and from the healthy ones hid...

    1. Blah to that
      Wheat is worse than fat
      It is a stupid thing to do
      Because of all the gluten crap that will ensue

  3. Trick or treat, Halloween is near
    Get very scary and you'll be sure
    They'll be real scared and give more
    May work for some but not all though


    1. Yeah it could work
      Or make them smirk
      Either way give one a ton
      With their candy run

  4. Treat my trick
    I have
    a whip
    and for
    a dime
    I'll ring
    your chimes.

    Halloween in the red light district of Amsterdam!

    1. They will surely like that
      Them and their weird fetishes they fail to keep under their hat

    2. What are you going to be dressed up as Cat. I'm going as the ghost of Amy Winehouse. It's an easy costume as all I have to do is get pissed, fall asleep in my own vomit, roll out of bed, rake my fingers through my tangled hair and go.

    3. haha might smell a bit
      The cat is famous enough and is such a hit
      That he just has to go as himself on that night
      And all will surely get a fright

    4. It does smell. Last year I went as the ghost of Heath Ledger and the costume was basically the same except I wore trousers and my makeup was a bit nicer.

    5. You sure go all out
      With your halloween costume shout

    6. I did a Heath Ledger is dead post and it really pissed some people off. I did it like I'd just found out he was dead and it was topical news. Christ, we do Heath Ledger jokes back home all the time and no one gets upset. Cultural differences....

    7. Yeah some people just have no sense of humor I suppose
      And take things to literally causing themselves woes

  5. Trick or treat says the redneck lass.
    Give me chocolate or I'll shoot your ass.
    No stupid lollipop substitutes will do.
    Gotta have chocolate or I'll shoot your Mama too!!!

    That's redneck Halloween for the chocolate addict.

    1. haha remind me to keep a gun on hand
      If I ever go to redneck land

  6. Trick or treat, you say?
    You better behave while begging at my bay.
    I may just decide you deserve the trick
    and have something in my zoo give you a tick.
    Then you can scratch that all day
    as you run from my bay!

    1. Blah a lick?
      That wouldn't be a nice trick
      Especially if it was that skunk
      Or that raccoon in a funk
      The cat will bring a pringle can just in case
      And throw it in their licking face haha

    2. Tricks aren't suppose to be nice.
      So you better think twice
      and ask for candy with politeness
      and maybe even some niceness.

    3. Pfft the cat will just take it
      And run off leaving them to have a fit
      No niceness from me
      That was left in the behind of bush number three

    4. Then you will get gluten filled candy.
      Oh, it comes in so handy!

    5. Pfft hate that junk
      Put me in one big funk
      I'll get the ant spray
      To keep the gluten away haha

  7. I love halloween and candy

    it's just dandy

  8. Well, if you buy Reese's peanut butter cups, then I choose to eat them. If you buy something like tootsie rolls or salt water taffy, I have zero quarells handing them out to trick or treaters. LOL

    1. LOL just give the bad stuff out
      That is what halloween is all about

  9. No trick or treating for me this year
    my youngest is to old I fear
    I am left to hand out all the treats
    or tell them all to hit the street
    if they don't use proper manners
    when greeting me in all my glamor
    for if they are rude to me in any way
    I'll send them crying from my bay

    1. Before you answer the door, make sure there are no Canadians standing on the other side of it. I hear they're going to try to cross the border dressed as turkey's over Halloween. They're calling it "The Great Turkey Migration of 2012" I've already got my gun loaded!

    2. LOL I can see that too
      Especailly with your one eye view
      Or if you start to whine
      Then they will all make a bee line
      For the nearest safe place
      But you will forever scar them with that one eyed face hahaha

      But these turkeys have a new ploy
      One on which they will play coy
      Until they knock on your door
      Then with that bomb in their chest that door may not be there any more

    3. Those turkey's will go over big as they'll be "self-cooking". I can see the advert now. "Save time in the kitchen this year with a self-cooking Canadian turkey. Why these Canadian turkey's are so great they even carve themselves." Disclaimer: small flying parts could damage your eyes. Wear goggles.

    4. hahaha that would cause a lot less stress
      But a ton more mess

  10. I love this time of year. Gonna pull out the Halloween decorations this weekend when the grandson's visiting.

    1. Should be quite grand
      To get all halloween for him in your land

  11. smiles...halloween is coming closer...over here it's no such big deal like in the states though it became more popular...what i like most about halloween are the pumpkin faces..

    1. Yeah the pumpkins are grand
      So is smashing them in your land haha

  12. Trick or treat
    Your poem was neat
    Your rhyme was fun
    That's it for now...I guess I'm done!

    1. Thanks for the run
      Glad it was fun
      Enjoy the sun
      Before snow comes by the ton

  13. LOL! I'll be sure to share this helpful advice with my kids!

    1. Sure they'll take it to heart
      And the pup could even tag along and let out a fart haha

  14. Hmmm...sounds like you live in an interesting neighborhood! hahaha Enjoy the season...within reason.

  15. Nice Pat but nobody knocks at my door at Halloween!

    1. Do you scare them away?
      Or do they just not like your food tray?

  16. Keep up tha rhymin' broooooo. Maybe you can be in Terminally Ill some day.

    1. haha maybe some day
      Although a cat might throw off your display haha

  17. Shouldn't it be an orange and black umbrella in the drink? :D

    1. I suppose it should
      But I'm contrary in my hood

  18. Trick or treat
    stamp your feet
    then they'll give you
    more to eat!

    Trick or treat
    scream and cry
    then they'll give you
    a pie in the eye!

    Early Happy Halloween, Pat!

    1. Damn the pie would suck
      May make one say what the duck
      As they walk into a post
      Blind at their coast haha

  19. I'll take that drink please. Looking at my student debts is depressing.

    1. hahaha yeah I am right there
      They are piled up still at my lair

  20. fun halloween rhyme chimes, certainly many paths to choose, although, things burning in a brown bag are never the desired plan lol at least for those unsuspecting homeowners lol

    1. Yeah the bags are a bit much
      Smell from touch
      And could burn the house down
      That would cause a frown

  21. I want to see a kid say these for real :D

    1. That would be fun
      Should record them doing every one


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