A Week Before At The dVerse Shore!

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a blogger was stopping, not even the dVerse band.
Mr. Linky was filled above the bar with flair,
Shouting out the hopes of bloggers everywhere.

The poets were out with their usual tone,
Each glad to know they were not alone.
The cat cleaned the litterbox and Pat the floor.
Before giving a knock on the dVerse door.

When in the back alley there came a call,
That sent us flying as it bounced from wall to wall.
I peeked around the corner and loose trash,
Trying not to blink a single eyelash.

The moon's glow showing nothing but dough.
It seemed someone was robbing the dVerse show.
But before my glaring eyes a figure appeared.
It was worse than I had initially feared.

With a flexible midget, all hands and mouth.
It was clear this Christmas things were going south.
More rapid than rivers his cries came,
And he questioned and answered like that millionaire game.

"First, Licker! Then, Sucker! Then, Explosion and Spitter!
Show on Facebook! On Pinterest! On YouTube and Twitter.
A bit below the ribs! A bit below the belt!
Pop a mint! a mint! Sorry for the welt!"

As versatile and limber as that of lore.
It was clear jolly old Santa was a bit of a whore.
Up his pants went with all lickity split
His bag full of toys had some freaky shit.

And then, in a flash, I saw the elf.
Her sight gave me some timber myself.
As I shifted my head to an abstract view.
It was clear these two were not through.

He was dressed all in spandex from his head to toe.
Nothing was left to imagine from his glow.
A bundle of toys he had ready to show.
Lubrication and umm things in a big red bow.

His eyes how they winked! His nipples how perky.
His cheeks were like the snow, his belly like a turkey.
Her short little stature was packaged all neat.
It was clear she had tossed many a meat.

Some famous pills he held in his hand,
And you could tell they were his own special brand.
She had a plump bum and a round little face,
That shook other assets with each smiling embrace.

He was long and boring, seeming quite run of the mill.
I was surprised that each could give the other a thrill.
He spoke in a dialect that was unknown to I.
Poking and prodding, who was this guy?

With one final push there came a sly smirk.
It was clear he was very good at his work.
She followed him with a whistle and cheery wave.
It was clear she too liked what he gave.

The money was gathered before I could act.
In there somewhere I noticed a contract.
It was signed and legible to my eagle eyes.
And all I have left is a word to the wise.

Should two such creatures come into your view.
With jiggling racks and ding dongs so blue.
A rather good stabbing is about to come due.
With a contract that states between me and you,

You wave all legalities and accept what I do.
I hope you have a very special merry Christmas too!

So beware when you visit dVerse, you may see something rather perverse. But what it is I guess all can claim to make up their own notion as I just played the rhyming game. Yeah, I got a little bit dirty I may admit. But it was such fun to do it. Plus even snip snip the cat liked that lass. dVerse gave a thrill to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. I'm laughing so hard, geez, I can't even type that word right now without tears running down my face! You just gave Santa coming down the chimney a whole new meaning. Whew! Six in the morning here and I'm reading Santa porn.

    Ding dongs so blue - LMAO!

    Maybe I do need to take Heaven's advice and join dVerse, after all? Who knew?

    Maybe I'll be back after I can get this image out of my head - great, now that's there too.

    1. hahaha new meanings fly
      Today under my sky
      As the santa porn does flow
      So fun to give a go
      Not sorry for the image in your head
      So fun to cause such dread haha
      But then that is where your mind lead
      I just typed it out to be read
      Glad it was fun
      As that is what I went for under my sun
      And yeah can give dverse a go
      Easily at your show

    2. Well, I did it, I linked up to dVerse but, I think I just be a lurker for awhile. ha ha ha

      Oh, you may want to keep an eye on my writing blog on Thursday cat...

    3. It doesn't open until 3 est tonight
      That is when you want to link up to the site
      Way more around
      And you will be found
      And I will keep an eye or two
      As you show one at your zoo

  2. jaysus there is some image in my head now, but it was really funny.

    His nipples how perky - awh just genius!

  3. his belly like a turkey, ding dongs so blue...seriously sir, what have you been drinking, the egg nog is spiked chum when you start rhyming about santas bum...funny, i dont know how i found it, but on the web i came across it, wrapping paper featuring santa as a stripper, now that was paper that was quite the ripper...so off i go to visit the loo, now though its not for number 1 or 2, but to tass my cookies like intestinal flu

    1. haha you found the paper
      From yesterday's caper
      You were looking for it I bet
      Thanks to this pet
      And was not drunk
      Santa was in a funk
      And nasty to that
      Just hit the loo and not the mat

  4. They're having fun
    Doing their chores
    In a year only once
    Santa distribute his toys
    Not to bother any one
    Just a little diversion
    They're together as one
    This annual occasion
    If you spy on them
    all black and blue
    The wintry cold to blame
    But other activities too!


    1. Yeah having fun
      As things are spun
      Under the night and not sun
      With each umm bun
      But the cold
      Does help things take hold

  5. Watch out, Clement Moore!
    Pat Hatt is reaching your shore!
    He's turned your Santa to a whore
    with tricks in his bag galore!
    Ho ho ho!
    Look at Santa go!

    1. Santa can be a bitof a whore
      I just had to explore
      A tad more
      Proving it wasn't just lore

  6. Once at
    cross roads
    I saw
    such a thing.

    A man all
    in black
    with an imp
    as his friend.

    By moonlight
    and midnight
    a gleam in
    his eye
    a dagger
    he held
    but not
    very high.

    Guitar slung cross
    his back
    another man

    The contract
    they signed
    in blood
    it was made.

    Cavorting and
    dancing a smile
    on her face
    the imp looked
    on with no
    little grace.

    For fortune
    and fame
    his soul
    he did sale
    'twas not
    just a game.

    When payment
    came due
    he went
    straight to
    hell, for
    Robert Johnson
    was his name.

    I think I've just compared Santa to Satan here Cat. Just look at the letters in the name, could be the same.

    This was a well written piece Cat and enjoyed it I did. Will be interesting to see what everyone makes of it today.

    1. Yeah surely switched the words about
      With your shout
      But then you never know
      Santa could be a Satan trick on the go
      And have to avoid the crossroads
      Or become Hell toads
      Should be interesting to see
      What is thought as they visit me

    2. Anne - this was great! Admit it cat, she did a good job with this one.

    3. Yes she did indeed
      I can admit it just fine at my feed

    4. Thank you both for the compliment, I will take it where I can get it.

      You had some great lines in here today Cat. "When I shifted by head in an abstract way" very nice indeed.

      I read the comments and the general consensus is that Pat needs to get a little some, some. Help him out Cat. Put a little cookie dough on it and set your Viking Woman loose and she'll take care of what ails him. Hhaha.

    5. hahaha yeah all seem to think that
      Poor old Pat
      Not snip snip like the cat
      But fecked up none the less at our mat

  7. Oh my goodness, what have these peeps done with the pub....

    I am laughing so hard Pat that I can't post a rhyming comment ~

    Just wanted to say ~ Have a Happy Tuesday ~

    1. haha glad Santa and his thrill
      Let you have your laughing fill

  8. Geesh, cat.
    You better get some and fast.
    It's obvious what's on your brain
    and it's driving your thoughts like a train!

    1. The cat is snip snip
      And Pat prob throw out a hip
      So we'll just peep
      At the santa creep hahaha

    2. throw out a hip
      let's see...which one of those positions...
      um, never mind....lol....

    3. LOL prob wouldn't take much
      To do that and such

    4. So now you have weak hips?
      Better not give anybody some lip.
      They could squash you
      and hurt a hip or two.

    5. LOL well actually more the ribs on me
      But I would not put a hip past anything with all the crap at my sea

  9. I hate to have turkey belly

    gobble gobble like jelly

  10. HA! Maybe I will give up the Santa Watch thing...he sounds kind of scary!

    1. haha yeah might want to watch want you find
      Could be a full moon behind

  11. Oh my. Santa in spandex? I think I'll stay in bed with the covers over my head, because that is something I don't want to see, even if there are fun goodies in his sack! (Yeah, and I agree with Betsy!)

    1. haha well at least Santa would be interrupted with his deed
      And hmph agreeing with her at my feed

  12. I always knew something just wasn't right with that fat old St. Nick!

    It's either that or you just need laid!

    1. Actually prob both
      But since the cat is snip snip down south
      And Pat is screwed, not in the fun way
      Guess we'll just have to watch Santa's display

    2. They don't call him jolly for nothing! lol

    3. Jolly
      With balls err umm bells around Holly

  13. ho ho ho-- did he say this..? if not, it was a mean spy, disguised as santa...and now you're in real trouble..ha...smiles

    1. A spy you say?
      Damn, but he was ho ho ho-ing at least in some way

  14. I'm genuinely in hysterics right now Cat, the thought of Santa being a sexual predator in this sense is absolutely hilarious. The best bit is about his pills which are of his own brand, hilarious work Pat, laughing so hard right now, take a bow.

    1. haha glad it was fun
      Under my sun
      As santa went pill popping
      There was just no stopping
      And with a meow
      The cat will bow

  15. Just as long as he leaves the reindeer alone!

    1. Yeah that would be a fright
      And not a fun sight

  16. orlin N cassie

    LOL !!!

    N we still like de merry f'in christmas box....

    1. haha will have to get yourselves one
      To hop in and out of with fun

  17. OMGoodness...you outdid yourself with this one...haha
    An elf dressed in spandex
    A bag full of toys and some freaky s**t

    What next.... No... I daren't ask. You might tell LOL

    1. You just never know
      What is going to show
      Here at my sea
      And fun to outdo myself with glee

  18. You just wrote your newest best seller. Sex sells my friend, and Santa porn is gonna ROCK the world!!!!!

    1. haha that is very true
      Not sure on the drawings that would come due
      Might be scary to see
      Under any tree

  19. Santa in spandex is funny :))(oh I can image)

    1. Quite the image indeed
      Might make ones eyes bleed

  20. This makes sense since St. Nicholas is the patron saint of whores. Why not he, himself, patronize them?

    1. haha saint of whores
      Glad I got it right at my shores


  21. merry christmas pat: may your stockings be full of legs . . .
    and may Santa Claus drop many pressies in your open drawers ;D

  22. We got the feeling Santa was a little different from his image from the last post too! Who knew he was so kinky, but maybe its from hanging with elves all year.

    1. Yeah it could be all of those elves
      Making santa have such toys on his shelves

  23. ..Ho..Ho..Ho...?
    That's funny..yo...
    murdering Santa
    at your show...
    a guilty agenda
    my goodness..no...


    1. Guilt doesn't come to me
      It caused me much glee

  24. There's sumfing quite hinky
    'bowt a Santa that's kinky.

    1. And with an elf that is dinky
      He can do many a thing with a slinky

  25. Oh god, I would have not answered the doors, turned off the lights and pretended no one was home.

  26. it was a quiet day today in Blogging land. And I had no idea Santa was so dirty!

    1. Yeah will prob be queit for a while
      As all up the xmas dial

  27. Hey Cat, I'm probably not going to bother posting again till after Christmas. All the gamers start painting for the Challenge starting tomorrow and it'll be a dead zone for a while. Now I'm off to the Land of Nod.

    Nitey Nite Cat.

    1. Geez such a lazy arse you are
      But then i'm not writing nothing new until Jan at my bar

  28. haha, this is so creative, not your father's santa lol Such a funny rhyme for the d'verse chime.

    1. Nope certaintly not
      This santa will make ur eyes rot

  29. This is great . Thank you, you made me smile.

    1. Glad I could get a smile
      As santa turned up the naughty dial

  30. Santa sacrilege ! Shame on you. We know what your stocking will be filled with in a few days.

    1. The cat has no shame
      That is why he has so much fame haha

  31. So funny. What an imagination. I never would picture Santa in such activities.

    (I bought your book. So cute. Can't wait to read it to my grandson.)

    1. haha yeah not the picture one would want
      So had to do it at my haunt
      And thanks a ton
      Glad you found it fun

  32. that was fun read pat! first smile since i started reading..it has been a sad week all over the world..thanks for lighting it up a bit :)

    1. Glad I could lighten the mood
      And yeah has been sad and oh so crude

  33. Great fun Pat. Yet another triumph of the rhymer's art.

    1. Glad it was fun
      As it was sure fun to give a run


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