A Little Help After A Yelp!

So after waking you up to your new friends yesterday, I figured I would be nice and help you out at my bay. Some are last minute shoppers and you don't want to be gift floppers. So take your parasites for a stroll and get on the gift giving roll.

For those in your life,
Who cause you strife.
Put it over their head.
Suffocate them in bed.

For the nose picker,
Maybe even booger licker.
Now they have some tangy ones.
Could give them the runs.

To the person you never want to see.
Now you'll see them like a Christmas tree.
You'll see them coming from far away,
And be able to avoid them every day.

For those with lots of thoughts.
They want to know how a gummy bear rots.
You are just helping them out.
If they eat it they may pout.

For those with a green thumb.
A gnome with a bare bum.
You might get some flack,
For giving them the crack.

For those who won't shut up,
They are worse than a barking pup.
Give them this to ask questions too.
Then they won't have to be told off by you.

 The scarf that says it all,
When given from your hall.
What is that you say?
Eat crap at your bay.

This one is just for you,
It is much easier at your zoo.
Unless you don't have an air pump,
Then you might turn into a grump.

Umm err for the err whoever.
It can be rather clever.
Although they might get a kick,
Right to the umm wick.

And the best for last,
A feline ass cast.
All stuck up in the air,
Ready to be put on the fridge at your lair.

Now the cat has helped you once more. You can get gifts and forget about pesky parasites at your shore. The cat is just so nice this time of year. I guess I am filled with cheer. So ends this gift pass from my gift giving little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. "A feline ass cast"
    Just what a laugh
    Ha! ha! ha!
    From afar
    Saving best for last


    1. haha the best is the ass
      At least it won't pass gas

  2. How'd you find my underwear?
    What, you dug it out from under there?
    Yup, I'll skip your Christmas shopping...
    And continue on blog-hopping!

    1. The cat searched high and low
      Actually he just saw them glow

  3. I could actually use the sarcastic ball at work.
    I won't tell you when I'd wear that second sweater though...

    1. It would come in handy
      Sure you'd use it at a time when things are umm dandy

  4. Hahaha! Love this post!
    The sweater like a Christmas tree is amazing haha
    But I really love the ass cats !!
    I think is perfect for you lol

    1. lol the as cats would work at my sea
      Could blind people with that sweater like a christmas tree

  5. Hahahaha
    Your gift ideas are certainly neat
    But you forgot something to wear on the feet
    How about skates you never remove
    Lace em up tight and stay in the groove
    Skate where you want then wear em to bed
    Just skate to the table where you will get fed

    1. hmmm might be tricky
      If one is picky
      As everything would need to be ice
      That would cost a high price

  6. The sweater is just terrific. We would love to give that to someone. Those are some mighty funny gifts too. They are all good. Have a great day Pat.

  7. Those are the ugliest gifts I've seen
    To give them would be very mean
    Wish I could erase what I've just seen

    1. haha never fear
      I'm much dirtier here
      Just if I showed those
      I get an R rating from the google crows

  8. That sweater looks like magic!
    That sweater looks like fun!
    But, would it be tragic
    if my skeleton, Bones, wore one?

    1. Not at all
      Bet he'd stand a few inches more tall

  9. We passed them on
    Each year in turn
    To those who gave us strife
    But did I ever get them?
    No, not on your life!

    1. haha I've never got those
      But things that may curl toes

  10. Buwahhaa, I want that sweater. My son was excited to get a box from a company that wanted us to review their toys. When we opened it, it was a game we (love) but already have, and a doll!! hahahahaha He'd have rather had any of those on your list, I betcha' Well maybe not the box of boogers, that's just gross.

    1. haha well the flying doll looks like fun at least
      on the box of boogers one could feast

  11. Thanks for the gifts
    a glowing tree I pick.
    Will be turning On light
    when attention needed
    if in plight lol

    1. Can see in the night
      Oh so bright
      Guide santa's slay
      Or scare everyone away

  12. Dang, I have got to order me some boogers!

  13. Well those were some interesting gifts
    cats butts waiting for a sniff and a whiff
    think I will pass on these at your shore
    please don't send them to my door..haha

    1. No cat ass for you
      What if he sent two?

    2. the cat butts are rather cute
      as they pass gas and toot
      ok, if you want to send two
      I'll share one with you...

    3. The cat has is own
      His farts at the tone lol

  14. I have some very difficult people to shop for but you've given me so many wonderful choices I don't know if I can decide. The light up sweater is great.

    1. Always fun to get random and strange things
      For those hard to shop for waiting in the wings

  15. haha, you could never give a girl those underwear even as a joke. Major insult! I do love that sweater though!

    1. lmao what if the underwear were bigger than her though?
      Then no insult should show

  16. I know some people I could gift those things to

  17. That inflatable tree wouldn't last long with the cat

  18. Dear Pat, where oh where did the cat find these gifts???? Searching the Internet? Or exploring catalogues? Or just musing with you? Both of you are gifts from the Universe who help us see and appreciate the funny side of life. Laughter is such good medicine. Peace.

    1. We try and be funny indeed
      Found them searching the internet at our feed

  19. Send me one in every shade
    Every size and all pre-paid
    I will dole them out to those
    Who made my naughty list of pros

    Here is your gift, Pat :-)

    1. haha I gave a pooping reindeer one year
      I send them out without fear

  20. orlin N cassie...hay...cat buttz magnets !!! TOTAL LEE AWESUM ....we wood like ta get R paws on them...noe pun inn tended.....well, oh kay...yea....we wood like ta get R paws on them !! ♥

    N bee for we for getz ta send R Christmas card....heer it...iz....

    hope yur christmas tree.....
    ree manez burd free.....

    sendin R card.....
    ee lect tron ick lee.....

    a verree merree Christmas.....
    a happee mew yeer two .....

    frum all oh uz in trout towne.....
    we loves ewe XXXXX

    1. Yeah those butts would be great
      Could use them to pin up notes or an important date

      Bird free is the way to be
      Thanks for the card from thee
      Hope all goes grand in your land
      And a Merry Christmas is at hand

  21. Nothing here makes my list
    I hope you won't be pissed
    If I knew anyone deserving of these
    There'd be nothing from me beneath their trees

  22. I do like the idea of the lazy tree

    though if it looked real, that would be pure glee

  23. if anyone in my family had a sense of humor I would get some of these for them. lol

  24. Ha ha, thanks for the list, Pat.
    You must have read my mind
    as I am trying to come up with
    ideas for a few people on my list
    but time is running out............

    1. Have to order fast at your sea
      As days are numbered before the gift giving spree

  25. I think I've seen people they could wear those huge bloomers. As for the box of burgers I don't think so

  26. I kind of like the light up Christmas sweater. grin.

    1. Makes a statement at least
      Could wear it to the christmas feast

  27. I would be money
    that you bought some of these, honey.
    Your sister and brother will overjoyed
    and maybe a little annoyed.
    Nanny might get one, too!
    Hope she gives one back to you!

    1. lol oh I get them back
      And they surely don't lack
      But I never bought one of these
      Mine have a far dirtier breeze lol

  28. Maybe I'm an odd one, but I'd take most of those gifts with glee. Except the cat butts. Gotta pass on those.

    1. No cat butts for you
      I guess that is what should come due

  29. Remind me not to shop at your store
    some of those gifts are not to my taste
    especially the cat casts just too weird
    hope no one buys them in haste!


  30. I'm not gonna' lie--the bear and the gnome amuse me. I would happily put that gnome in my yard.

    1. I'd put it there too
      If I had a yard at my zoo

  31. The pooping moose sweater is genius. I mean, I want to wear it just to see how many ppl notice what it actually is. Hahahaha

    1. Bet some would take notice of it
      And laugh at the umm shit


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