Ever Wonder Why Somewhere Upon High?

So have you ever wondered why Santa is so jolly at your sea? I bet you have, just like me. What was your deduction that came due? I will tell you with one hundred percent certainty why at my zoo.

Is it because he is kind?
Nope, not why jolly you find.
Even with bad grammar at my sea,
He still is not jolly.

Because he has so many pets?
They could out number the Mets.
Maybe those reindeer could win as well.
But nope, not why he's jolly as hell.

Because he gets cookies all the time?
He long ago got out of his prime.
They just make him want to give a call,
To any weight watchers near his hall.

Because he can sing cheery songs?
Who doesn't like sing a longs?
Yeah, that would be the cat.
So nope, not that.

Those elves he has as slaves?
Cheap labor saves.
That may make him happy,
But the elves are too yappy.

Because he has magic?
Nah, that is a bit tragic.
Has to go down chimney's everywhere.
Just imagine what is in there.

Because he gets played by 100's of guys,
Who just love his jolly disguise?
Nope, he doesn't like the fakes.
Ever wonder why there are earthquakes?

Because he gets movies made of him?
Nope, too many are grim.
I mean Ernest P. World saved the day.
That right there can cause dismay.

Is it because he has a nice ride?
Nope, in it he may take pride.
But that is about it.
The flying may make him happy a bit.

But the real reason is easy as can be.
He already knows at every single sea,
Where the older naughty girls live.
He goes there to umm forgive.

There you go, mystery solved at my show. Now you know what he does the other 364 days of the year. No wonder he has such Christmas cheer. All those cookies must cause quite the amount of gas. Bet it is way more than what comes out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. "Now you know what he does the other 364 days"
    Gosh! He is such a super guy then, I'm amazed
    No wonder he just goes ho! ho! ho!
    Keeping up with all his good show
    How come he is not trim and swell but all crazed?


  2. Why is Santa up so high?/He farted and darted up to the sky/He was into that whole hippety-hippety-hop/went up in smoke when he let one drop! :-)

    Greetings from London.

  3. Replies
    1. Haha Alex
      And to think Mrs. Claus bakes the cookies for him the other 364 days
      of the year.

    2. haha yeah oh so rude
      She'll give him attitude

    3. haha - that is too funny...while she bakes
      he is out for the take...

    4. Have his cake and eat it to
      There at his zoo

  4. What is Cat saying about the Claus
    I have to stop, think and pause
    Could this be true about the jolly old elf
    Like Daddy Warbucks, he's an island all to himself

    1. Well he is very jolly this time of year
      Maybe he gets more than a nibble on the ear

  5. Well, girls just want to have fun after all!

  6. Santa is jolly as he makes his rounds
    he knows where all the special toys go
    watch those cookies they put on pounds
    hmm..I wonder what other secrets he knows..

    1. Well it's rock rock rock Mr. Santa
      Jump jump jump Mr. Santa Claus
      Well, the boogie woogie Santa
      Will boogie all your blues away.


      check it out..lets sing

    2. He sure must know much
      As with everyone he keeps in touch
      haha quite the boogie woogie indeed
      That took seed

  7. Santa must have a steady supply of condoms, as there has been no paternity suits

  8. Santa is a jolly ole fellow, no doubt about it. Good for him. Have a great day Pat.

  9. If I had magic and elf slaves I sure wouldn't be riding around the world myself in the dead of Winter at night. Especially not just for some feckin cookies.

    Your right Cat, it's got to be for the Naughty Girls.

    1. Has to be something more
      Something left out of the lore

  10. I think its all the cookies he has to eat that makes him so jolly ~

    The girls, I don't think so, smiles ~

    Hey, have a good weekend ~

    1. lol no thrills from them at his sea
      hmmm just maybe

  11. Replies
    1. Has to do something for fun
      When not on a christmas run

  12. That's right, he knows where all the naughty girls live and he visits them to see what they are willing to do in order to get a little candy..or a special toy out of his bag. bwahahaha

    1. lmao yeah he wants the toy to show
      So he has to give it a go

  13. The reason he's jolly?
    I thought I knew why.
    It's because lady elves
    were all waist high.

  14. So true he knows where the naughty girs live
    I hadn't thought of that before
    I am glad that he is a jolly one though
    maybe he will be gifts galore!


  15. I think modern Santa
    will fetch all the cookies
    thru PC and learn
    where the naughty ones
    with no mercy...

    1. Just have to have a look
      The internet finds many a crook

  16. It's probably cause Tiger Woods gave him his phone book of women's numbers

    1. Hmm that could be
      That would fill most with glee

  17. I almost wish I didn't know why he's so jolly,
    this is quite a disturbing surprise,
    and it may better I don't tell my nieces and nephews this news,
    or a lot of questions may arise!

    1. lol yeah may want to keep it under your hat
      Or just blame the cat

  18. Lmao u just completely ruined the words vision of Santa. You are going to get coal this year, cat!!!!! Lol

    1. lol at least I can throw it at one
      Who I don't find fun

  19. First Bill Cosby let me down... and now Santa. What's the world coming to? ;)

    1. Can't trust no one
      They all just wanna have fun

  20. I bet Santa forgives while on his knees
    And hangs his balls* on naughty girls' trees.

    *ornaments (what else could I mean?). As far as why he forgives on his knees, that's between him and the naughty girls.

    1. haha ornaments, riiiiight
      Be one oh holy night

  21. I think it's the cookies. Bet some of 'em are made with nip!


  22. I think you just got put on the naughty list! lol...

  23. Well I'm not going to say anything bad about Santa Claus just. I have been a very good girl this year and I'm expecting a good present

    1. Hopefully more than coal
      Will come for a stroll

  24. Guess he's doing his part to keep the Viagra company in business too....

    1. Popping a pill every day
      Keeps the umm dr away?

  25. Deliciously funny ~ for adults! LOL Have a great day at you bay!

  26. I've said for years that Santa is jolly because "he does three ho's at a time."

  27. I can always rely on your poems to cheer me, It's just past 6 am and am catching up on my comments before another day of apartment hunting.

    1. Hope it goes well
      And you find a new place to dwell

  28. Hmmm... I guess that's the knock
    I heard at my door
    Have to run
    Santa's here to score

  29. Wonderful poem, Pat.
    Say hi to your cat.


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