Keepin Things Real With This Deal!

Have to keep up with the redneck ways or you might end up in a daze. Hmmm, maybe reverse that.
Just Keepin' It Real Folks can tell the cat. Such a long winded name though. Anyway, away we go.

Want to kill your mother in law?
Do it without a flaw.
Shoot an armidillo's back,
The bullet will bounce and she'll you'll whack.

Kill bed bugs with ease.
They are worse than fleas.
Set your rental car on fire.
Warning, stay back or you may expire.

Need a neat pet?
A leech is a safe bet.
Let it suck your blood at night.
It will then grow large enough to fight.

Have no more beer?
No need to fear.
Just eat the glass bottle.
Hopefully the ambulance gets there full throttle.

Want to burn your house down?
Can easily then move across town.
Hide dog treats near a stove.
Dog will get them, poof, home a grove.

No need to spin a yarn,
If you want to get yourself a barn.
Steal one that's 100 years old.
That is pure gold.

Want to save on food?
Although it may be rude.
Feed the prison inmates trash.
You'll save money in a flash.

Never trust a GPS.
It can be good I guess.
But it told some to drive off a demolished bridge.
What next? Listening to your fridge?

How you know Google is rad?
Google, "how to escape after robbing a bank" at your pad.
I'm sure you will never get caught.
Pffft, yeah right. In jail you'll rot.

And in a reverse on number one.
Don't joke about a MIL a ton.
She'll hire a hitman to kill you.
Whoops, the hitman was really a cop, who knew?

Yep, each one has come to pass. Don't rednecks have such class? They may just be crazy people though. What do I know? Just keep their stupid mass away from me. I like to stay stupid free. Rather listen to that singing bass. Now I am done with my keepin it real little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Comments

  1. "Keeping Things Real With This Deal!"
    Rightly accomplished with such zeal
    The speed at break-neck
    Getting at the rough-necks
    Give an encore things nicely sealed

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha I love this! See the thang is, ya can't fix stupid, not even with duct tape. Now rednecks ain't always stupid. Thems be good, honest to goodness country folk. There's a difference. Rednecks don't take kindly to folks who steal from 'em, lie to 'em, or be mean to their churren. Thems causes the shot guns to come out. Otherwise, you be nice to rednecks and they will give you the wife beater off their back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She has the accent down to a T! Although damn, I thought Duct tape fixed everything.
      Now who would really be dumb enough to eat a glass bottle. Oh wait, that's right - a redneck.

      Delete
    2. That was great, oh so real!
      Nailed the slang with such zeal!
      Rednecks aren't all red, it's true
      In a bind, their always true blue

      Delete
    3. hahaha nailed it indeed
      I'd go crazy talking like that at my feed

      Guess duct tape has its limits too
      When it comes to a redneck zoo

      True blue you say
      Scary anyway?

      Delete
  3. Get er' done - I knew someone who would always say this when there was work to do...wth...it always sounded a bit naughty...or maybe my mind just went gutter..haha...cat you should appreciate that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha the gutter it can go
      With that little flow

      Delete
  4. I've noticed they sure take up the pages in the People of WalMart daily calendar.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Talking about leeches
    Wins you no peaches!
    When leeches are on the loose
    They scare me worse than a goose.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol! I'm guilty of following my GPS wherever it leads me even when I know it's wrong. Eep!!! And the armadillo thing is a bit genious. Who knew they were bullet proof?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez, a gps following nut
      In a following rut lol

      Delete
  7. Just Keeping it Real
    Oh what a deal
    The language is quaint
    But it's not what it ain't

    ReplyDelete
  8. Did you hear the one about the Canadian and Redneck?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'd be afraid to mention anything I might want done
    In such a public forum as this
    someone might read it if it came to be
    and could cause a pretty big hiss

    betty

    ReplyDelete
  10. Every single time I spin the yarn I get in trouble!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Some people you just can't help no matter how much you try. With these guys you don't even have to try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha no trying at all
      Dumb as a stump at their hall

      Delete
  12. I remember hearing about that first one on the news!

    ReplyDelete
  13. She'll you'll whack?
    Wow, that was a grammar attack! hahaha...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Not sure what a redneck is? I think we call them chavs, but could be wrong!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chavs you say
      First I've heard of that at my bay

      Delete
  15. Yikes - hope the redNECKS stay away from my NECK of the woods!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh we know all about rednecks. We are surrounded by them. They truly are a different breed.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't think any of these things will work.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "don't let the bed bugs bite

    seriously"

    not something you ever want to hear

    ReplyDelete
  19. orlin N cassie....ever wunder if a vampire eatz leeches ore if leeches sux
    ona vampirez neck....

    think a bout it ~~~~~

    ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, maybe they take turns
      Leaving each other blood sucking burns

      Delete
  20. GPS was the best thing invented, ever--well if you discount computers, microwaves and dishwashers--but it can get confused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yea it isn't always right
      May lead you astray one night

      Delete
  21. Not following any rednecks & have to check that GPS to make sure it gets it right ~ Enjoy your summer Pat ~

    Grace

    ReplyDelete
  22. Don't drink beer, pain would bring a tear, have never used GPS, maps get me there, no reason to kill, no mother-in-law - she left a will, Google works fine, most of the time, house fire, no desire. no bugs, not even slugs, save on food, PB&J everyday, spin my yarns, but not in the barn.
    rednecks are fine, relatives of mine!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well you got it down
      There in your town

      Delete
  23. I can see that this really happened because these are the same people who we see at Walmart. What is sad is we are considered the smartest animal on Earth...ummm...not with these morons

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, many animals are smarter then such twits
      With their no brain fits

      Delete
  24. I'll pass on this advice. I feel I've come a long way since growing up in redneck territory. I'd rather just keep on the path I'm on, thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Eat a glass bottle
    Won't go down very well
    Next day on the loo
    Will surely hurt like hell

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you'll probably be dead
      Off with your head

      Delete
  26. Replies
    1. Nothing wrong with that
      There where you're at

      Delete

Post a Comment