A Little Helper Might Make You A Yelper?

The cat thinks you may be late. A card may be your fate. You may need one for someone near. Could tell them you want to umm grope their rear. Well there is an easy way. Just look at the below cards on display.

Grow nice and strong.
Let it get long.
 Might fall off though,
Or get eaten by a reindeer you know.

What would that be?
Open to see.
I hear it's a card.
Wasn't that umm hard?

Keep things spry.
Away the sleigh bells will fly.
 Or something will fly.
At least on a guy.

One for the pet.
It is a safe bet,
They won't like the snip snip.
Here is some lip.

Make a wish.
Fill a dish.
Or fill her up.
Get it? Err umm blame a pup.

Asses up.
Enough for a pup.
 The same guy though.
Multiplicity come and go?

Naughty is more fun.
Who needs a nice run.
Let the naughty fly.
 No need to impress a jolly fat guy.

Is that true?
 Who knew?
Maybe a few,
Who got small packages at their zoo.

Santa gets around,
Seems fun is found.
Or rather scary stuff.
At least he isn't in the buff.

And finally just give it.
Hope they get lots of shit.
Not in the brown way.
But still, a fun display.

Need a card now? I bet these will wow. Can find them at this sea. I found them and figured I'd help thee. Can get great wrapping paper too. Enjoy at your zoo. I hope you get more than gas, that would not impress my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.


    How is your current stat?
    Will you outstat the reboot Bat?
    Is your catmobile really fast
    Not a blast from the past?
    Are you number one today
    At the Kitty Cat bay?
    Is R stuck in a rut?
    Is he lost like a mutt?
    One more week for me
    And then it's the Holidays, Scooby Doowee!
    How's that for a deal
    As you go and spin that wheel
    Of fortune and win?
    Time to get out of that friggin' bin!
    Lots of questions from The Goo
    And I'll raise you a you-know-what too!
    Hey, it's Monday...
    Such a fun day!

    1. No fortune here
      Gone the way or R I fear
      Stats abound
      As they surround
      And nuts are found
      Searching for even a hound

  2. That's not the kind of asses I had in mind
    YIKES! And I bet they were easy to find

  3. Naughty Santa scares me. And not the asses I had in mind either.

  4. You can be sure your card would be tucked behind the others on the mantle but dog-eared from being pulled out for a private chuckle with folks visiting.

    1. haha I've had that done before
      As I've used such cards at my shore

  5. Don't think these
    Are Hallmark approved
    Might have to send
    To those who have moved

    1. lol but should they find their way
      Could chase away clouds of gray

  6. I see there's a card of all the boys
    huumpt..All the boys and their toys
    Cat and Hank, show their stuff
    Two shower guys in the buff
    Also there is Blue and Ninja
    Act a little naughty, didn't ja?
    Of course there's Al sans tighty white
    Merry Xmas to all and to all a good nite

    1. lol making comparisons to one and all
      Al would be the last one on call
      Found a chimney by the side of the road
      And he let loose a load

    2. The santa sitting on the chimney made me think of the
      movie where Billy Bob Thornton played that dirty Santa, drunk and peeing all over himself and scamming the little rich kid and taking the dad's car. Can't think of the name of the movie but it was a funny one. LOL

    3. haha Bad Santa it was indeed
      Making a sequel to it for every movie feed

  7. And it is for these very reasons
    that hardly a card I send these days
    with selections like these available out there
    I rather be careful and send nothing at my bay


  8. And still better/funnier than most of the lame cards made by Hallmark. Besides, if someone close to you doesn't appreciate a good boner card then that's just not someone you need in your life.

    1. haha yeah, who needs such downers near
      A good boner can spread cheer

  9. Those are the best cards of the season!!!

    1. Make all merry and bright
      Especially at night

  10. LOL, half my Chirstmas card list would never speak to me again if I sent some of those. The other half would have a great laugh.

    1. haha well maybe that is good
      Get rid of half in your hood

    2. Yes and think of all the stamp money you'll save next year.

    3. Very true
      As stamps cost a ton now at any zoo

  11. I'll stick to my own creations, thank you
    And hope I don't get any of these at my zoo

  12. I hope I never get cards
    From such dubious bards.
    I think there is a better way
    To send greetings for the Christmas Day.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

  13. I should have known there were cards like this.
    If they make them, they must give someone bliss.

    If I sent them, I'd be crossed off many a list,
    and end up on more than one blacklist.

    Still, it's delicious fun to contemplate,
    the consternation these cards would create!

    Have a good one, under your sun!

    1. haha well getting crossed off a few
      Would leave more time for you

    2. LOL That's something to think about, since I'm always time-starved!

    3. There you go
      Time saving at your show

  14. Those are some naughty cards. ;)

  15. Those are some naughty cards. ;)

  16. A whole new take on Christmas! Very refreshing.

  17. LOL!
    Well there are few things here that I would pass on
    viagara being number one
    might be just fine for jolly santa himself
    for his post Christmas day fun in the sun.

    1. haha may need a lift
      After moving around so swift

  18. It seems from the comments that you kitty kat have been very naughty in the making of those cards but they are hysterical. Well done Pat. I sure would not send them to anyone.

  19. This makes the Christmas holidays a bit more complicated. :)

  20. LOL!! The asses up one would make my day. Will you be sending this to me, Cat? hehehe The snow man one I saw last year on a co-workers "ugly" Christmas sweater.

    1. lol sweaters would be fun
      Could really offend some one

  21. My word . . . . Christmas cards have changed . . . lol

  22. We used to get one funny card a year amongst the many. Now, we barely get any cards.

  23. Nothing can beat the Santa we saw on RiffTrax. Scary.

  24. orlin N cassie

    we iz crackin up....noe pun inn tended...on de santa on de chim knee ....letz see...how manee co werkerz can de food servizz gurl send thiz two ....... ??? !!!


    1. lol can get everyone
      And they may give you a dirty look a ton

  25. You'll never that on a cheesy TV Christmas movie

  26. That old fashioned one made me laugh. I can just hear the gal saying it through her sweet smile, lol!!

    1. lol pretending to be sweet
      To her own old fashion beat

  27. I think I'll skip Christmas cards this year.
    That way, I can be sure there's nothing to fear.

    1. haha wise way to be
      As these could scare thee

  28. Ha..h.a.. that ass picture is so funny ~ Yup, Santa's been very naughty.....

    1. Santa likes his thrill
      And these can fit the bill

  29. Is Pat naughty or nice?
    Do I have to think twice?
    I think you're just fun
    (Definitely not a nun).

    1. Nope, no nun or monk
      Maybe just fun and crazy in a funk

  30. Santa is delivering shit instead of coal to bad kids now? That's motivation for mine to get it in gear and be a little nicer throughout the year.

    1. Yeah, who wants the smell
      That wouldn't be swell

  31. Worse yet, the link took me
    To Chocolate Fantasies.
    I'm so confused on what to do
    I love chocolate
    But I'm a Jew.

    1. lol Could wait
      Until after all holiday date
      Then get some half off
      Sure no one will scoff

  32. Some of these are funny-I like the first one but the 2nd one looks like Caitlyn Jenner-Yikes! Santa can be naughty-heheheee and as for Santa in the last card? He must be Visiting Donald Trump.


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