An Attack By A Pack!

The cat has ducked for cover. You better do so too with your lover. Don't step out of the house and block any holes big enough to fit a mouse. Why is that? The elves want all to go splat.

We were Santa's slaves.
Working so much we never get laid.
Living in tiny over stuffed caves,
Making toys and not getting paid.

Now the day has come.
Let Santa go and do his own work.
We will no longer be his chum.
No more slaves for that fat jerk.

We would chop off his head,
Ending that twinkle in his eye.
But that fat guy can't end up dead.
We can't say we never gave it a try.

So with much regret,
There is only one thing to do.
Our plan has now been set.
Another Santa slave will never come due.

We must end all life.
We must kill humans everywhere.
From husband to kid to wife.
No one we shall spare.

Then his toys will go nowhere.
None of them will be in need.
No cookies and milk to spare,
And we can go do the deed.

The twinkle will be in our eyes.
We'll be the jolly ones.
Without humans his legend dies.
But we won't use guns.

That wrapping paper you tear,
It has a special gift for you.
It has gifts to spare.
We added something new.

With one simple touch,
You will become sterile.
Then you can't do much,
And will croak in single file.

But if a few win out,
And still can pop out the kids.
We'll corral them like trout.
Other species can then take bids.

See what I mean? Those elves are going to end us at every scene. Will you hide away? Watch what you touch at your bay. How much do you think a bear would bid for you? Maybe an alien wanting you for their zoo? That is such a mean plan to come to pass. You've been warned of the elf plot from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.


  1. An Attack By A Pack!
    Stacked up on the deck
    Santa is gone
    Not to be found
    The elves got it made


  2. Most sobering thoughts here Pat.
    Good poem.

  3. Crap, I wish they'd sent out that wrapping paper sooner. I could've avoided an unnecessary doctor visit...

    1. haha no need for that would have been indeed
      If it had taken seed

  4. Maybe Santa will give them their pink slip
    no kitties for the cat as he is snip snip

    1. The cat will have no problem there
      As he runs around bare

  5. I'm fifty-fifty on the elves. Sometimes cute, sometimes creepy.

  6. I have a wind up elf that plays music. My kids think it is the creepiest elf in the world.

    1. haha can scare them with it
      That can be a hit

  7. I will never be able to look
    at an elf in the same way
    after reading this blog post about them
    they are too creepy that is what I will say


    1. haha elves are going down
      Thanks to a rhyme in my town

  8. Oh, my, that's pretty scary
    Of elves, you've made me wary
    I hope more like Polar Express they are
    Otherwise from them I will run far

    1. You may need to run
      As they try and fix everyone

  9. an elf pack made a pact
    sounds like they lack tact

  10. Sounded like a sequel to Walking Dead, then poof wrapping paper and birth control. Well goodbye to Christians, everyone else will party like 1999 with our ilk gone. HaHa

    1. Oh man, no worries about Planned Parenthood being defunded.

    2. haha partying away
      Sounds like the way
      As all ends
      Planned Parenthood may go around some bends

  11. Little elf on a shelf waiting for the day
    To pounce on you, to trounce on you, but oh then what the hay

    1. What the hay
      Come what may
      Free and found
      On you they pound

  12. Death to all humans? Awwww, how did Santa's elves know exactly what I wanted this year?

    1. They just read your mind
      Or saw the state of mankind

  13. Has a Grinch overtaken Orlin's brain!
    This elf plan is really insane!
    Bah humbug!
    Sending you a big hug!

    1. haha the elves have it in for us
      They will make us fuss

  14. I bet that horrible Elf on the Shelf is behind this entire scheme.

  15. Funny how little girls elves you saw at the north pole.

    1. Yeah, there were very few
      Yet many elves came due

  16. That silly elf on the shelf. We don't have one of those here, guess we are the lucky ones.

  17. Oh gosh, Santa better starts paying those save us all!

    1. Better get a damn good raise
      And maybe some praise

  18. Now here was a tale of an elf
    who should have been up on a shelf
    Not putting our beers in its self

  19. Now I'll have to sleep with one eye open for fear that damn elf on the shelf will be out to get me this holiday. He was already creepy to begin with. Even more so now that I read the plot of the elves!


Post a Comment