Learning A Thing Or Ten...Or Not At Our Den!


Aren't I pretty? Of course I am. I can answer myself when there are two of me, right? While I stare at myself and take a break, Blabber wants to see what I've learned from her. I've already taught with over 3100 posts, so one from her couldn't hurt. What? I don't get a break? Stop talking to me reflection. You aren't real. Hmph. No break. Why? Because the cat is teaching over there. 



Things maybe, sorta, kinda, learned from Blabber...I mean LMF...I mean Jax...I mean Jaclyn. Damn, she has more names than Pat pretending to be a cat. 

1. Something as silly as hiding behind a self proclaimed nickname can really become exhausting.
Having given yourself 50 or so, I think it is a safe bet you learned from experience there. The cat will give you this one.

2. There's nothing worse than having to force food you don't like down your throat.
Nothing worse? What are you eating? Snail poop? Battery acid? Platypus? I'm sure slowly dying in a ditch after getting stabbed, hit by a car, and half eaten by a bear would be worse. Just saying.

3. It's refreshing for a man to open up, but it's awful when they cry and moan over everything.
Geez, just can't please. Say nothing and you are bad. Say too much and you are bad. Tell a woman she needs to stop being so emotional and you may wish to be half eaten in the ditch. Can't win.

4. Instead of parking in the spot closest to the door, park farther away and take those few extra steps.
But..But...okay, we'll give you that one. Lazy humans can't take a few extra steps. Oh no, we have to park 50 feet away even though we are already going to walk in the store anyway. Pfffft. Yeah. I already taught this. See? She stole from the cat. How rude.

5. Enjoying people’s company and indulging in a gourmet meal without all the work is a great time!
It is? Even if said meal gives you gas? Sends you into an allergic reaction? Chokes you? Is food you don't like that you have to force down your throat? The people are annoying? I'm not too sure on this one. Take it with a grain of salt people.

6. Sneaking out to club in hot red dresses with open shoes are over.
But...but...I just ordered them both. Do you know how hard they are to find in my size? Wait. You do. Shopping in the kids section all the time. That is okay, everything comes back around again.

7. The best way to feel confident is to properly groom yourself.
Proper way? Are we talking full on waxing? Ouch! Not sure I want that kind of play down there. Can't I be confident with a little hair remaining?

8. If you are seconding everything that I say, I’m going to think that you don’t have a mind of your own.
I think we've established I've got that one under control. Next!

9. Avoid asking your date a billion questions.  Nobody wants to be questioned like they are on trial for murder.
But, but, but...they may be the next Jack the Ripper. Do you really want to end up dating a serial killer? Think of the nasty smells that would come from the basement. Hey, maybe the smell would put your serial killer babies to sleep. A plus to not questioning.

10. Pretending to be something else is unnatural. 
Damn. Here I was hoping to be a door. Oh, the naughty thoughts that just came. I'll leave that one alone.

11. If we're together and there's silence, I promise you that I WILL break it.
Hey, since when did this become about you? Are you mad I went past ten? Whoopsy. I...

12. Beard hairs on my toothbrush may justify a full on break down. 
Hey, you didn't even let me finish. I guess that beard hair got stuck in your teeth. You've gone a tad mad. Do they make pills for that?

13. I'm constantly mortified by the things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis.
I guess not. Or at least they haven't worked. Why are you still talking about you? This is supposed to teach people. 

14. When a man can’t keep eye contact with me it’s never a good sign.
Maybe he's wondering how long before he can run away? What? You said you mortify people with what you say. Not me. Can we get back to learning?

15. Since the days are shorter and the nights are colder, the couch is looking real good!
Isn't that more of a statement? I think you've become distracted. Focus. Yes. We went over ten. The world won't end. Focus.

16. When I get in a funk I tend to turn down opportunities to veg out on my couch.
We got it. You love your butt-juice-free couch. Are you ready to continue yet?

17. For the love of God, wait until the sexy, single chick you're talking to walks away to pick it! 
Now there you go. You are getting back to the teaching. You might want to be more specific though. What if you are on a Bingo date? You might have to pick something then.

18. We all get itches, but can you wait until you find out the girls name before scratching your junk? 
Damn. Am I going to have to put an R rating on this thing? You really get all itchy when sitting on your butt-juice-free couch. But wouldn't she appreciate you scratching the itch so she doesn't have to? What? Don't look at me like that.

19. No man should be groping a lady's behind before even saying hello.
And you say the cat has a fascination with butts. You are all over the place with butts and other parts. But what you're saying is that I can grope her backside after saying hello? So when I'm on trial I can call you as an expert witness? Great! A butt groping I will go after a simple hello!

20. Anyone can say anything, but people can only act the truth.
I can say things in Greek? Damn, I never knew that. So actors are acting the truth? The world is going to be zombie infested? Cats can really talk? Those reality shows are really real? I think that's it for the day. I have to sit back and contemplate this eye-opening revelation. Wow. It is...

21. The best part of blogging has been meeting and getting to know all of you.
Finally! After 21 there is something that we can agree on. Took you long enough. Now go pull that beard hair from your teeth and relax on your butt-juice-free couch while thinking of body parts. The cat will finish this out.

Did you learn anything from the woman of 50 names today? Did the cat purposely pick things he could make fun of at his bay? Would I do that? No. Never this cat. Now you can see what she stole...umm...borrowed from me at her sea. I think I should go find a lass. Maybe after hello, she'll also grope my little rhyming ass.

At every turn there is something to learn.

Comments

  1. I like the last one! That has been the best part of blogging.
    I do park far away for those extra steps. And just so my car isn't surrounded.
    And got a good chuckle at number three!

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    1. The best part indeed. Good not to have a car surrounded and avoid the dings. #3 is true, can't get around it hahaha

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  2. You evil little cat!!! First off, you’re banned from lists here on out. I expected 11 or 12, but my anxiety ran through the roof at 13 and on. It surprisingly calmed at 20 only to get even more annoyed than before at 21!!!

    Well, if I taught you nothing, your interpretation of butt juice seems spot on. Veging on the couch when you’re in a funk is counterproductive so good job there. Several nicknames are important so you’re always incognito. I have this IRL also, and it’s great. Confuses the heck out of people. Men can be empathetic, but groaning and moaning is a no no for all sexes (except me, I need a good groan once in a while). Overall, I must say that I did a very good job. You’re a great student cat!

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    1. Can't say the cat doesn't learn lol

      Incognito comes in handy, especially in my line of work some days with the wackos. Moaning and groaning is a no no for all sexes? Damn, you just doomed society as you're fixed lol What? Was that another lesson in using the right words needed?

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    2. Lol that can be part two, words not to say to men, um rhyming cats I mean. 😂 your brains all go the bad way!

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    3. lol but is it the bad way? It is the good way many a time.

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  3. number 13 - indeed, if one really listened to what one says, there'd be way more quiet in the world.
    Happy Monday

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  4. Groping a butt without a name could be an assault, so excellent advice! LOL

    Blogger friends are certainly awesome.

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    1. lol yeah, no assault or jail time needed. That they are indeed.

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  5. There are some good lessons in there, but I hope we're all at the age where nobody is forcing us to eat something we don't like.

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    1. Hope so too. I'd tell em where to go at our zoo

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  6. That was quite the learning list. Hey, over at the other place I didn't know about the aliens so I learned something there too.

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  7. No open shoes? No hot red dress?
    Dude, close them shoes, cuz you're a mess.
    Suit yourself or just go nude
    But stay away and don't be rude.

    We've been blog friends for, yikes, I'm afraid
    it's been close to one full decade
    or a little less, but who's counting
    this fun-filled mess?
    Though I fail your every test
    You, Pat Hatt, are the best!

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    1. Going nude is fine by me
      But then I get hit on by the old and creepy

      Been a good long while
      Each with our own little style

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  8. So agree about the blogging! I am trying to park further away to take those extra steps. That was indeed good advice!

    betty

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    1. Parking away sure can get those steps. And yep, #21 is a win indeed.

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  9. Ha. Good ones. I agree with Alex. The last one is the best. On the billion questions--more appropriate for a spouse. Heh.

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  10. Hot red dresses and beard hairs on toothbrushes... interesting. Look, ask away if you're on a dat, but throw in some charm and a snacks for good measure.

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    1. And don't talk with your mouth full while eating the snacks.

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  11. Enjoyed the last one Pat. wonderful post.

    Yvonne.

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    1. Thanks for the reply,
      Each of your replies are all the same.
      Why not view my posts,
      Or are you just playing games.

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  12. A woman of many names and some funny thoughts too. Men can't win at any zoo, so true. That's okay though because women can't either. LOL An even playing field, indeed. The best part of blogging is definitely the people.

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    1. lol an even playing field you say. So what if you are the odd one out?

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  13. I haven't learned anything, that's 31 wasted years.

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  14. That 21 is the best. Love this list.

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  15. I laughed all the way through this, Pat! Absolutely, the last one takes the prize!

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    1. Was fun to do. Yeah, the last one takes the prize indeed.

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  16. I can't stop laughing!!! That was great! I definitely think you should go find a lass. I think it would give you something new to muse about on a daily basis, as if you needed anything new...

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    1. haha but the trouble is, lots of things. I'll stick with cats, kids, and the occasional dog.

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  17. Scratching crotch itches is a natural part of life.

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  18. I just met Jax this year, but she's quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers. I am guilty of asking people a lot of questions. I find that people love talking about themselves, so conversation never lulls when you keep firing the questions at them. My husband brings me along on his client dinner meeting sometimes because he is a horrible conversationalist but I can keep it going. On Saturday I had to sit through dinner with 2 men from China, one didn't speak any English but the other one was more than thrilled that I asked many questions about China and their culture, and even how to properly hold chopsticks. (apparently the way I was holding them meant that I was sending off the message that I was available for courting to the other diners lol. just call me a big old hussy!)

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    1. Sure known blabber for a decade or so. She grows on you like mold lol Hey, it's a skill that is needed in many a case, such as when wooing clients. Well that is something I never knew. Chopsticks can be rather dangerous, or give one a bad rep...or a good rep if that is their thing haha

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    2. Did you just compare me to mold?!

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  19. Ah yes the last one is the best!

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  20. Those are all good. Sure made me giggle. Pat, you have a super nice day.

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  21. I'll have a 21 with a side order of Brussels sprouts!

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  22. orlin N cassie...number 6...stuffz due come bak round fazhion wize....de food servizz gurlz waitin on bell bottom pantz ta make a come bak ....sew she can figure out how her walked in de dam thingz in de furst place !!! :) ☺☺♥♥

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    1. haha have to try and give them another go and find out.

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  23. I totally agree with the last one, especially. That's kind of why I can't let go of the blogging yet.

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  24. Checked out your other post. Thumbs up. You are doing double duty:)

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  25. I agree, the best part of blogging is meeting so many nice people. I'm a complete introvert in real life and am really quiet but online I seem almost jovial. lol

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  26. Love your kitty. SO pretty.

    Haha these are funny!

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  27. I'm for almost any meal that doesn't require my time...as long as it's vegetarian:)

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  28. One thing's for sure, in my opinion, cats are interesting characters, and so are their owners.

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  29. I totally agree with #21! Love the people I have met blogging. :)

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