Once Upon A Stalker


See how I'm staring at you? Do you? Do you really? If a human, a big human, not the tiny ones, ever stares at you like that and they aren't related to you, in a relationship with you, or whatever, then you better run far far away. Don't believe me? Well I have a case study that proves it. It is the poor life and times of this naive woman. Let's call her...LMF. If only she listened to the cat then they never would have found her pink boots by the docks. 

The Nice Person Who Wasn't A Stalker 
(But...let's call him J...really, really, really was.)



Oh, cat. I'm so lucky where I work. I have a guy who will do anything for me. He is just so nice. He is a genuine nice guy. So so so nice. It is so nice.

Is this some sort of test? Are you trying to see how many times you can say nice?

No. He is truly that nice. Let me list the ways.

"sighs" Here we go. If you must make me endure this again.

#1. He opens the door for me.
Wow. Now that is nice. He makes sure you don't touch the germy doorknobs so you won't be sick when he grabs you.

#2. He takes me out for lunch and pays.
Well it is nice of him to feed you and keep you plump while he stalks you.

#3. He carries in things for me.
Nice of you to let him build muscle strength by carrying your purse. Which he probably swipes little items out of for his shrine to you.

#4. He stands up for me to the bosses.
He wouldn't want you to get fired. You'd be harder prey then.

#5. He leaves me little gifts on my desk. 
And he probably takes other things for his shrine while he's in there.

#6. He uses no foul language around me.
That's nice. Stalkers don't want you to know what they are really thinking anyway.

#7. He asks about my life. Like really seems interested.
Because what stalker wouldn't need to know your schedule.

#8. He makes sure I get home safely.
He knows where you live. Should I explain this one further? If it hasn't sunk in by now, it never will.

#9. He drops everything to be by my side and help me.
Sigh. Are you done yet? It would be nice if you were.

#10.......
Did you run out of items? Wait. You still there?

Sorry, cat. You are making him feel bad. He is so nice that you can't comprehend that. You and my other friends all just have had bad experiences in the past. But I have to finish. I must. He knows I'm neurotic and loves me anyway.

#10. He only does these things for me. Just me and no one else. Maybe his wife. But he doesn't talk about her much. 
No one said a stalker couldn't make you feel all warm and tingly. Of course that may just be your body going numb as you get choked to death.


"I don't want nothing in return. I swear it. But if you were to mention it, our spouses wouldn't have to know."

Oh, J. I know you don't mean it. You are just so nice.

"Nice and ready. Just say the word. You don't want me to pout like this forever, do you? We could go out for dinner and discuss your day. That would be nice."

"Sure. That would be nice. Just let me grab my things."


BREAKING NEWS!!!

This just in. Cat pulls remains from river that are believed to be LMF's. He tried to warn her, but like many humans, she never listened to a cat. If only she had paid attention to the signs, the cat, her friends, hell, even the bum down the street holding that "the world is ending" sign. They all saw it. Let this be a warning to all young men and women out there. When you receive gifts, door hold, compliments, and all kinds of other things and are the only person getting such things, nice may not always be so nice. They want you. Whether dead in the river or in bed. They want you.

And so ends the life and times of poor LMF. She will be missed in blogland. We also hear a cat scratched "I told you so" on her tombstone. That was nice of him.

So is the cat right? Is there such a thing as too nice? Holding a door for someone. Fine. That's nice. But doing it all the time along with 50 other things and only for said person. Doesn't that seem a tad fishy? Ever had a stalker? Are you just a nice nice nice person? If you're married and their married is there such a thing as too nice? I think on such nice people I'll take a pass. No more stalkers for my little rhyming ass.

With little old nice, you roll the dice.

Comments

  1. Sad how careful people have to be these days, isn't it?

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    Replies
    1. Yep, careful as can be. One wrong thing can set off something you don't want.

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  2. Oh psh, cat! People can be nice just for the sake of being nice. Do you not like the word nice? Ok, how about kind. There are kind people that are kind everyday just to be kind. Don’t like that either? I can say it in Spanish if you like. Yo se un persona muyyyy amable. Is that better?

    For the sake of arguing, let’s say J is a stalker. Wouldn’t he have stalked by now? How long until a stalker reveals his tendencies? Being a woman that has been stalked (If you remember, that’s why I started this blog a year ago.), I can say that this is not a stalker.

    Lmao @ Bill Clinton and the tombstone!!! The cat has to have the last say I see, but this I knew already.

    Can I declare myself the winner now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P.S. If he saves the pink boots over LMF, then I retract all statements of being nice! Lol

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    2. One has to be so careful nowadays Pat. ......so sad.
      Great post.

      Yvonne.

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    3. hahaha geez, does someone protest too much? If you say it in Spanish then I can ignore it as I don't know what it is. Isn't that nice? Kind? Whatever lol

      Some stalkers wait a long time. They need the right environment. Or maybe you are only like #5 on his hit list and he's getting for first 4 first .

      The cat gets in the last word indeed. Cat still winner.

      And pink boots but not you? That is kind to the boots.

      Delete
  3. I think our Dad is too old to be careful like that, oops!

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  4. Just had some idiot calling all hours of day and night from FB. Even after I blocked him. Silly, silly people!

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    1. Yep, you can get many of these nuts all from social media.

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  5. Once Upon A Stalker
    Virus round the corner
    Being careful
    Do the needful
    Mask the face to be safer

    Hank

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  6. Only had stalkers on line but not in real life; which is good because I don't want that strife!

    betty

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    1. Yep, don't want that crap on any side of the map.

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  7. OMC your response to LMF's list of things are so precise! Of course, there are really nice people but the reality is not all of them are nice to be just nice.
    Cats are so much wiser than humans for sure!

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    Replies
    1. Yep, not all of them are nice just to be nice indeed. Cats for the win.

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  8. It starts small and innocent and can turn creepy real fast if you're not careful.

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  9. I feel out of the loop, but maybe because I haven't been following LMF that long. Is this in reference to the cheek kisser or someone else? I had to chuckle at all of your responses. Funny stuff, Pat. I do agree that bottom line is if potential stalker is 'nice' to everyone or not.

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    1. When I first started R&W (almost ten years ago), my Blogger name was LMF. The inspiration for my page was LLS, an ex BF turned stalker. He's also what the "waterworks" in R&W is named for. Through the years, the cat has been nice enough to send me warning when someone has stalker potential. Flash forward to modern day. I'm having a hard time at work, and a very NICE man has been bending over backwards to make me happy and possibly even transition roles. The cat sensed stalker so I kept giving examples of how he's not a stalker, but an actual genuinely nice man. He sticks with stalker and I say nice guy!

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    2. Thank you for explanation. I did go to your first month of posting and say the LMF name. It was like, one minute you had a boyfriend and the next minute, not!

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    3. Funny stuff for me. I'm the winner. See? She agrees with me. Oh wait. She went back to your old posts. Would that make her a stalker?

      The cat has been helping her for years and she still won't listen. How rude is that?

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    4. Just bc you were funny doesn’t mean that she agreed with you. I’m pretty sure that she agreed with me.

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    5. Pffft pretty sure isn't sure. So funnier wins!

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  10. So sad that we have to be so careful.

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  11. It seems so ordinary and then increases.

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  12. Been out of town awhile and so feeling like I'm not up to speed with whomever you're talking about here. I like nice people and think everyone should try to be nicer. Luckily I'm not at work anymore so don't have to be nice, lol. Had a stalker when I was young, someone I dated for awhile and it got...not good. He called constantly. The only way I got rid of him was to use a whistle and blow it into the phone when he called. My insurance man suggested it. He said you might have to do it twice, but that should do it, cause with 2 calls and 2 whistles both ear drums will be broken. Not sure how he knew that........but it worked like a charm. A year later, after I no longer lived at home with my parents, they said he started calling again and my Dad said something to him........to this day, I don't know what it was. That ended it for good. No I don't want to think you can be too nice.

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    1. Well that sure is a way to do it. Not sure whistles work on text messages though. But sure a good tip indeed. Good your Dad got rid of him for good too.

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  13. orlin N cassie...sad lee in thiz day upon an age, nice iznt "nice"

    we catz haz come to de con clooshun ta bee warry oh...."nice"

    coz "nice" iz knot what it seemz N haz knot been in like 256 yeerz ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Yep, nice never seems to be what it seems indeed. Always have to be aware.

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  14. Yes, I've had a stalker
    He quickly turned into a gawker
    and gave me gifts that he likely did hawk
    or traded for bags of his pot
    But then he got crazy mean
    With him I refused to be seen
    and now he can no longer stalk
    because I finally used the block.

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    1. Block and go
      But if he searches high and low
      Let him find in the street
      Then run him down and defeat

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  15. I might have a problem with trusting people. In fact I'm suspicious of every person I come into contact if I don't know them well. I have to fight paranoia and conspiracy ideas in my head ALL THE TIME.

    Oh and I lived with two cats for 10 years. Chloe (who died at 7 years) was so mean that I had to warn others of her. I'll attack you if you look at me, was her attitude. LOVED her the most. Shh don't tell anyone.

    Teresa C.

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    1. haha sometimes there just could be something to the paranoia.

      Sounds like a great cat indeed. Keeps others away.

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  16. I had a stalker once but it was a family member that I completely cut off and he couldn't handle that I wanted nothing more to do with him.

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    1. Thankfully the ones I cut off took the hint and never came back

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  17. Hmm, Pat. Sounds like the makings of a good murder mystery to me. What book number would that be?

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    1. hmm could work for one indeed. We'd have to spruce up the main character though, she has so many issues lol be 130 or so.

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  18. Yes, you never know who's lurking out there. My advice: listen to the cat. Cats are smart. They can tell when someone is bad or good. If they lie there and watch a person closely or if they hiss and meow at a person, then beware. My two cats told me this. I believe them.

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    1. The best way to be. Cats and dogs and kids are all pretty good judges of characters.

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  19. You can never be too trusting. Love the first picture of cat!

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  20. It starts all innocent, but stalkers turn creepy very fast!

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  21. Oh, they stalk and sulk when you don't talk, and then away they walk. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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  22. Poor Jax, I mean, LMF. At least her body won't be lonely in the Hudson. I'm kidding Jax, I'm kidding! I'm sure this guy is sweet and innocent. Doesn't have a crush on you at all. Not even a little. ;P

    Elsie
    (new domain)

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    Replies
    1. See? She really agrees with me and the cat, that is rare with the latter, but doesn't want to just say it. Poor LMF.

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    2. She agrees with me!! It’s there in black and white for all to see. :)

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    3. You clearly can't tell sarcasm. You lose, face it.

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  23. Sounded like a cheating scumbag to me. She should have run far, far away much sooner.

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  24. Your entry's of note
    so please come to vote.

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  25. That Orlin's got the stare down pat. Or is that, Orlin's got the stare down, Pat:) Heh.

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  26. sometimes too too nice is way too creepy. I've not been stalking you due to home renovation projects. But I'm baaaack! And I won't be too nice. This post was okay.

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  27. I've never had a stalker at work, but there were some real creeps that would come in and try to tell me their life story every week. Thankfully, I haven't had to work with the public in almost 20 years, and I really don't miss those days.

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    1. Yeah, people sure want to tell one their tales. Not much to miss about working with the public

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  28. I can be too nice, and have to be careful of that also. People perceive it the wrong way, or think you want THEM if you say hi or offer to help with something that it looks like they genuinely need a hand with... Two sides to everything. Phfft to either side because they both make me want to be a hermit. Worse yet, I'm genuinely starting to like hermity ways. I will probably be an old cat and dog lady when the youngest grows up and moves out.

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    1. Yeah, people can sure perceive things the wrong way indeed. And with opposite sexes, it tends to always goes toward you want them, they want you, etc. haha well just make sure the cats and dogs like the grand kiddos. Nothing wrong with being a hermit.

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    2. ...andddd another point for LMF..

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    3. Pffft you are still out-pointed

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  29. I’ve had a stalker or two. No fun at all. But I’ve been a stalker, as well. I stalk wildlife so addictively, I’ve been late for work, late for church, late getting out of a park that locks the gates at night... Life is never boring as long as there’s a wild animal to observe!

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    Replies
    1. haha well that is a better kind of stalking. The worst some of those animals may do is eat you.

      Delete

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